Worried about son's new wife - Re: life insurance policy
I hope I am being a crazy over-worrying Mom. Last month, my 25-year-old son married a woman 16 years older than him with 3 children from her first marriage. Her first husband died in a car accident. She and my son seem very happy and, other than the age difference and the life experience difference, they seem very compatible and I like her very much, although I don't know her well (they dated for not quite a year before marriage and live in another state). Today, my son mentioned during a phone call that Nancy (not her real name) wants him to get a life insurance policy. Apparently her first husband did not have one when he died in the car accident and she does not want her existing children or the child they are planning to have soon (she is not yet pregnant) to be unprotected. She does have a life policy on herself, which she bought shortly after her first husband's death.
It just made my back crawl. Maybe I've been watching too many crime shows. But I don't see why a life insurance policy on my son for her existing children is appropriate, she has one herself for her existing children. Once they have a child together, I can see my son getting a policy, but not until then. It just makes me hear warning bells.
Am I nuts to worry? I must admit, part of me is saying, "Well, her first husband died, after all," (then feeling shame immediately afterwards). The kids are wonderful kids, I wish them only the best and am enjoying them becoming part of our extended family. But I just do not agree my son's life needs to be insured to help privide for them, especially when their mom has appropriately and prudently insured herself. Bottom line: he is now worth more dead than alive. She began having romantic feelings towards my son less than one year after her first husband's death. I just do not feel good about this. Am I crazy to be worried or should I warn my son to check his brakes and tires each day?
You said her previous husband did NOT have life insurance, so why the worry that she might have had something to do with his accident. (HE was not worth more dead than alive, huh?)
I can't imagine being in that situation where you lose your husband and have 3 children to support, with no life insurance. I think she's just protecting herself and her children from ever going thru that again. She has protected your son by taking out a policy on herself. He is just being asked to do the same.
You list many blessings from this union. Keep counting the nice things about your son's marriage and put those other thoughts in the back of your mind - WAY back.
Turn Off the TV and Go Learn from a credible source why and when life insurance is a good idea. Do it now before you make even one hint of an accusation to your son or his wife or anyone else. You will be grateful you did, because unwarranted accusations like that are toxic to relationships and can cause a lasting rift between family members. Maybe you'll even learn if you too could benefit from life insurance, especially if you or your husband or younger kids(?) still depend on you and/or your husband.
Life is no guarantee and truly tragic and unexpected things can happen in a blink. Sometimes it's a death in a car accident. Sometimes it's a lasting illness. Your son's wife has learned this lesson the hard way. It doesn't matter if she has more kids with your son or not. Your son and his new wife have married and are now a family. They depend on each other for care and support. Life insurance is a security measure if an unexpected disaster happens that suddenly berefts them of one or the other's ability to provide that support. Your daughter-in-law is demonstrating a level of responsibility that is commendable. She does not deserve your accusations.
And if she decides to create or update wills or trusts next, that too is an appropriate step to take. So would be creating a living will, and both medical and financial power of attorney contracts, etc, etc. Maybe you should look into those for yourself as well. It's good to educate yourself and be prepared to the extent that you can be. Not just for yourself, but for those you love and may leave behind too.
Okay, many thanks to both of my respondents
You are both echoing what the rational side of my brain is telling me. I will banish the Criminal Minds side of my brain
My son's wife has lived through an experience I have never had (sudden death of her life partner) and it is both rational and commendable that she would want to protect her children as much as possible from the effects of that devastating experience. So glad I found this site, the answers seem to not be the usual internet tripe
Many thanks again!!
You sound like you will be a wonderful MIL and grandma. And you have raised a nice son, too.