Early quarter life crisis
I'll have to tell you first that this would be a long read so I hope you'll be patient enough to read this and help me with my problem.
I'm from the Philippines. 23 years old turning 24 this year and the path to where I want to be seems blurry at this point. I wish someone could enlighten me.
It all started way back after I graduated from High school. I never really thought what I wanted to be in the future but all I know was that I'm always in front of the computer so that made me think that I would pursue something that was related to computers. I took up the 'Information Technology (I.T.) as my course in college. I was there for about a year when my Dad unfortunately suffered a heart ailment that needed surgery and was very expensive. And at that time, whenever my Mom, who lives a housewife, scolds us for she said that we are just wasting Dad's hard earned money whenever we get low grades in school. Which I perfectly understand. So what I did was to think how I could help them financially without sacrificing a lot on my end (which is what I thought at that time). So I said to myself that I'll stop studying and move to a school that is affordable and cheaper and where I wouldn't fail, but would benefit me somehow in the future by having a business of my own. I enrolled in a vocational course or a certifice program that offers 'Digital Arts'. I was there for a few months but was not able to finish and get my certificate due to a project that wasn't able to finish. So I asked myself again what I really wanted to be and it was just so hard for me to find the answer. I said to myself that I don't want to be a graphic artist in my whole life, I don't want a job where I even have to work when at home. So I said to myself that I have to find a job that doesn't require me or leave me working even after working hours. AND YES, I knew that being a Flight Attendant would be just right for me. So I've researched about the requirements and qualifications to be a flight attendant and they said that they are looking for someone with nice set of teeth, clear complexion, height proportional to weight, has working experience as customer service rep. and a college graduate. But again, my mentality at that time was that if I continue studying college at that time, my Dad would be so stressed that it could affect his heart/health badly again. So instead of studying, I worked as a customer service rep. for 3 years, where I met my girlfriend up to this day. and used most of the money I have to get dental braces. I've resigned with the company confident enough with my experience working as a customer service rep., and my dental braces was to be removed anytime soon. After I've parted ways with the company, the thing I have to do was to get me physically fit. I was so thin. Small Framed. A hard gainer. An Ectomorph. My walking weight at that time was around 110-115lbs and I'm 5'8. So for about 8 months, I've worked hard in the gym, eat a lot and get the supplements that I needed. My walking weight went up to 151lbs which was enough for my height. I started applying for qatar airways which was an international airline company, twice, but didn't make it. We have 2 major airlines here in the Philippines but I'm not going to name them anymore. Anyway, I just thought that those 2 are my last chance. 'Company A' accepts applicants from 21-27 of age while 'Company B' be accepts until only 25 years of age. So I Applied for 'Company A' and they called me and said that I was not qualified because of my educational attainment. Time is running up and I have one more airline company to apply for. So I applied for 'company B' but said that I needed atleast 2 years in college to get in.
The other reasons for me wanting to land this job was for my family and for my future as well including that future of my relationship with my girlfriend. I want this so bad because I don't want to put all those years after graduating high school to waste. I want to succeed in life. I want to be stable by the age of 33-35. I've already planned how I could get those things into fruition. I'm willing to invest my money in the stock market, buy a condominium or a small house to be for rent as a passive income and save as much money as early as now til I reach the age of 33-35. By that time, maybe at 30 or 32, I could propose to my girlfriend as well. I have big plans for us.
So my problem right now is like TIME IS RUNNING OUT FOR ME. Or I just afraid to get ahead of life and reach my plans late or slowly. And whatever I do right now may affect my relationship with my girlfriend.
My girlfriend is also a Flight attendant. Lately, she was always telling me how much she wants to travel with me, however, we can't because even if she gets free plane tickets for herself, I have to pay my own which I couldn't afford since I'm Unemployed at the moment. I hate to ask my parents for that amount of money. She was telling me that 20's was the age where we have to travel the most and build memories before we settle and start our own family. I could understand her and if ever I have the money, I'll go everywhere with her as much as she wants to.
I confused right now because I don't know whether I'll just have to go back to college and finish atleast a year and reapply as a Flight Attendant or slowly reach my goals and go back as a customer service rep. and build my way up.
If ever I failed with my application even after having atleast 2 years of education in college, then I will pursue or continue studying until I graduate but I may be around 28 at that time. With that said, I know I have to consider my girlfriend with whatever my decision especially with this one because I'm not sure if she's okay with it. Because if I'll be graduating by the age of 28, seems like it would take more time for me to reach my goals and to be settled and before I could even propose to her. I may end up losing her along the way if she gets tired waiting.. which is one thing that I'm preventing or afraid of.
If I won't study and just reapply as a customer service rep., I may be able to achieve my plans and goals but would be later than what is planned if I was to be a Flight attendant. The Salary of me working as a Customer service rep. is a lot lower than a Flight attendant.
I'm hoping someone could enlighten me and help me with my situation.
"So my problem right now is like TIME IS RUNNING OUT FOR ME."
Maybe that's WHAT FATE WANTS!, i.e. maybe time is *supposed* to run out for you and might see you regretting it if it didn't? Maybe as one of its pawns on that especially sophisticated, macro, multi-dimensional chessboard, it wants you sat 'here' as opposed to 'there' because only *it* knows that other pieces are going to soon be shifting/shifted, which chain-reaction you are intended to be a part of in order- not to get what you want but what you *need* (along with all those other 'pieces')?
If you can't accept that Fate absolutely does exist and knows far better than you or the rest of mankind/BEINGkind put together then...it does seem like finishing college seems to be the key to almost everything you're choosing, doesn't it?
So you have a key but are hesitating to use it in the door's keyhole. Why?
Because it didn't work first time round?
Question: are you still back in that same place and time, i.e. is the You Now no different in any way or ways to You Back Then as would guarantee history repeating?
Reply to SOULMATE:
Thank you for giving your opinion/advice with regards to my concern. However, there were some statements that were just to deep for me to understand like when you said --
"If you can't accept that Fate absolutely does exist and knows far better than you or the rest of mankind/BEINGkind put together then...it does seem like finishing college seems to be the key to almost everything you're choosing, doesn't it?
So you have a key but are hesitating to use it in the door's keyhole. Why?" --
Are you suggesting that I should pursue college? --
and when you said that -- "So you have a key but are hesitating to use it in the door's keyhole. Why?" -- Are you referring to "pursuing college" when you said the work 'KEY'?
I'm sorry, I'm really trying to understand your message but it was just to deep for me to understand.
Not that deep. Bit too euphemistic, maybe.
I was saying (key = ) how everything seems to rely on you going back to college and yet your objection is that it didn't prove successful the first time around....to which my answer is, So what? Are you and is everything else still exactly the same as it was back then?
To get a different result you have to do something different. Or in this case, even BE different. And I'm pointing out that you ARE. Because that was X years back, this is now. YOU'VE changed since then, THINGS have changed since then (same for elements outside of your control). So it's not actually very logical to negatively suppose that a second attempt would produce the exact same results as the first.
If things don't make logical sense then that shows that a lie (nope!) or fear (YUP!) is exerting its influence on your thinking.
Now I get what you're saying. Thanks for making it clear.
Anyway, it's not that I'm afraid of studying again. I would if I could and if I'm not considering a lot of things like --
-to start late in life to fulfill my goals to achieve my goals and be settled at the age that I want to if i finish my degree in college by the age of 28. As I've said, I have big plans for myself, my family and my girlfriend.
-My girlfriend. She said that "it's your (mine) life" and she would continue to support me with whatever decisions I make. However, she was also talking about wanting to have a vacation or travel to other places with me and I'm still unable to fulfill that because I don't have the money for it. If I continue to study in college, then the chances of us travelling together would be less knowing that we have to wait til I get to graduate and have a job and I may be 28 or 29 by that time and I'm afraid she may not be able to wait for so long and find someone else that CAN and that HAS the capability of supporting her and fulfilling her wishes while she's at her 20's.
(I hope that this is just all in my head by I'm just being a realist knowing that what I'm actually thinking happened to some already.)
If I were to be selfish then my mentality would be like " you know what? I'm just going to pursue my college degree. I won't give a dmn about achieving my goals even when it's late and slowly. Because I know I'll get a job no matter what, if not a Flight Attendant, then I can be working in a cruise ship where I can also earn more and save for the future. I'll just tell my girlfriend to wait until we're ready to settle. The vacation or travel can wait. What's important is I succeed in the future".
HOWEVER, I just can't be like that. I don't want to be selfish.
Imagine a person wanting to buy a new phone but has so many options, what he/she does is research about the pros and cons of each phones and then chooses what he/she wants but in the end, he/she may never get the satisfaction he/she wanted at all.
Like what they said, "You just can't have it all"..
Fears, dreads, uncertainties, anchorage-type insecurity - whatever you want to call it. But the fear relates to making the wrong move and, thereby, making a distinct move to begin with. Result: paralysis.
Here is (was?) your problem: You think (like the majority of men under middle age) you should be sole master of your own ship, who gets to decide when as well as what, where, how and whom with. Life isn't like that. You have to go a bit more with the flow, whilst flexing and adapting, because, as the old, VERY true adage goes: 'Life is what happens whilst we're busy making plans'. So although you WANT to finish your degree by age 28 - for all you know, if you bloody-mindedly pushed things in order to meet that mental schedule and deadline of yours, you might miss out on the very best opportunity you (and quite possibly your gf alongside) could have - had you been able to even conceive of it at the time - wished for.
I'm sure getting to remain in love with you is far more important to your gf than getting to travel if travelling means without you. She / she and you have got her whole life to do that, whereas, as far as she knows, she DOESN'T have her whole life to find someone similar enough to you. Anyway, who's to say that if she went on a trip alone she wouldn't return straight back to you?...or even to have had a horrible time? I'll tell you why *I* think she would return: the way you describe her, she sounds FAR more grounded than your average early 20-year-old. If she loves you, and she really has to wait - she will. Basically. Because she doesn't want 'to travel'. She wants to travel WITH YOU. There's the difference that makes all the difference. Listen more carefully to what she's saying from now on.
No-one tends to think of an act or plan of action as selfish if what it represents is you putting your own oxygen mask in order specifically to be capable of helping them on with theirs. That makes it selfishness for the power of 'group' good. Which is called Altruism.
Cruise ship! There's an idea!
Or holiday resort representative or working for a tour operator? The list is pretty extensive, you know.
"Having it all" is sales patter for DOING IT ALL (and burning out before your time). Have plans IN MIND, yes. But the best death-bed reflections are always over those periods where life totally surprised you, INCLUDING where preceded what felt at the time like huge pain and hassle.
'Adapt or perish', Darwin said. He knew a thing or two, that one.
Sorry for the late reply. I just reapplied for "Company A" again and fell short because they where in need of at least 2 years in college. Anyway, I really appreciate all you said however Paragraph 2 and 3 contradicts each other. Paragraph 2 makes me think that I should just get a job for now instead of going to college again while Paragraph 3 makes me feel like, I should study and understand that she will always be there waiting for me for she knows that our love is greater than travelling?
No, para 2 was telling you to stop trying to FORCE things or the rate at which they "ought" go, meaning, GO back to college (since it's at this point the only obvious lynchpin) but be willing to flex or change direction if need be, without worrying that said calls for tweaks/changes could get in the way of this/that/the other. It might NOT be a lynchpin, you see. It might be a CATALYST. You might just have to GO to college but then ditch it for some other opportunity that later presents itself. Or you might not.
In other words, go more with the flow. *Loose* plans, i.e. sketches, are fine but let Fate take care of the actual schematics with all their finer details (which would mean it agreed with said plan) or to blow you completely from that course (meaning it didn't). It's like driving: only focus on the immediate ground with only your peripheral vision taking in the median distance. If you concentrate too far ahead you miss what's happening in the here and now and crash; if you concentrate (nervously) on the oncoming traffic, that's where your eyes will lead you and your car, meaning, you can crash. Where have you been placing too much of your focus? That's right - a mile ahead. Too far... meaning, everything in the here and now or imminent is going to end up neglected (CRASH!). Take your gf: if your mind is too busy whittling about 5 years from now, it is no longer completely free to pay the relationship the proper attention it requires SO THAT she never ceases wanting to leave your side no matter what the temptations - travelling or whatever. Yes, it's always EASIEST to travel when you're young and not yet tied down. But that's not the same as Optimum, time/stage-wise.
The answer, therefore, is, in whatever you do, to just to try your BEST. If Fate blocks you then take that hint (that it's a tip-off, not a punishment for your not having tried hard enough). If it sweeps obstacles from your path, i.e. you keep getting lucky breaks and "coincidences", take that hint too.
It's 'If at first you don't succeed, try, try again', not, ',try, try, try, try, try, try again'. (Oh, and, 'This thing we call failure is not the falling down but the STAYING down'.)
Just do what's in your power and no more. As long as (and now think 'trains') you're taking a definite action rather than sitting around whittling and wondering (meaning doing nothing), that's the important thing. And then be prepared to either be 'magically' superglued to that track or shunted at the very next junction onto a new track headed for the same stop or elsewhere. Your median destinations - the termini you hit as are cues to change trains - all lead to the one same ultimate destination, anyway, meaning what particular route out of many by which you get there is but a mere detail (more trees and rivers -v- more coastline, big deal!).
To all those plans I had in the past that didn't come to fruition because I got blocked (as required changing train) or shunted, and likewise to all those, what at the time felt like nightmareish life devastations that hit from left field, I say, HURRAH! Had they/had they not, I wouldn't be where I am, blissfully happier than I ever dreamed possible, today.
You are but a leaf being blown around in the wind. You can choose at any time to twist so that you face left or right or sky or pavement AS you're blown in whatever direction(s), but you can't dictate the actual trajectory and end destination. Cease trying or you'll knacker yourself out for nothing...emotional energy you might vitally need come that sudden development. So make a decision (whichever strikes as most beckoning - this case, college), start moving in its direction and then see what happens from there.
Life would be VERY boring if not for surprises.
Your last reply to my message says it all. I'm so sorry if I wasn't able to understand some of your statements but what you just said really enlightens me on a lot of things. Thank you so much though I know this just serves as a guide or advice but I'll surely keep those thing you said in mind. May God bless you! and thanks again!
You have big dreams and you have set a deadline on when to accomplish those dreams but your goals are unrealistic. When setting up goals, make sure they are in alignment with the steps on how you can achieve those goals. You want to travel, have a house and be set financially in the future. How do you think that's going to happen without a college degree? All those things require money to attain. Do you think without a degree and getting paid minimally will help you accomplish those when you are 28? What about the unexpected things/emergencies that happen in life? Have you accounted for that as well?
It's hard enough in the U.S. to succeed even with a degree (unless your family is rich or you have an advance degree), I can't even imagine how you would do it in a country such as the Philippines.
Bottom line is, you need to be more clear sighted. Dreams are only dreams unless you have a solid, concrete and realistic plans on how to achieve those dreams.
Sweet message from a clearly very sweet individual, QLIFE, ergo, you're very, very welcome.