Always seem to be fighting
My boyfriend and I seem to be not getting along like we used to. We have been dating for seven years now, but things aren't the same anymore. He doesn't treat me like a girlfriend. Sometimes I feel that he treats me like shit. In the beginning of our relationship he said I could tell him anything and how I was feeling. Now if I do that he belittles me for even saying anything and says I am being stupid. Like my feelings don't mean anything to him anymore. He also doesn't get along with my kids. And that is very hard on me. He has helped my kids out in the past and I think at one point they took advantage of him a little bit. But they are trying very hard to prove to him that they have changed. But he doesn't seem to care. Like the other day he said that he likes when my daughter comes over to visit. That it is like when his own kid comes to visit, then he turns around and takes it all back. He says things like that about my son too, but then does the same thing. He has helped my kids with money and what not and they have attempted to pay him back, but then he says don't worry about it. But then he constantly brings it up in arguments that we have about how my kids haven't paid him back when he has told them not to worry about it. And any time I need help he wont help me or my kids. He treats strangers better than he treats me. One thing that really bothers me is that he always turns his phone off and I cant get ahold of him. Like the other day my daughters truck broke down and I couldn't leave work and I knew that he was off work already, so I tried to call him and text him over and over, but as usual his phone was off. I needed his help. But whenever it comes to me and my kids he wont help us at all. I have to rely on complete strangers sometimes just to get help with things. He makes me feel like such a failure sometimes. I love him so much, but I just don't know what to do anymore.
could it be that your boyfriend might be going through something at this point in time? it might be a good thing to have a talk with him and find out if something is bothering him.
Agree that question warrants asking (good point, BEBE). But it does sound like 'talking' is one of the problems here so I'm not sure how much headway you'd make on that score.
What's fairly certain is that he sounds highly resentful and defensive. Does he have grounds? Or is he a bit of an immature, egotistical tw*t whenever any contention hits?...i.e. who hasn't a clue about the fair and sensible ways to behave in an equal relationship once the bonding, heat, intimacy and pressure reach a certain point nor particularly whenever the clouds/rain appear, thus switches out of frustration to 'using his muscles', e.g. pretending to take back whatever he's previously said and demonstrated, just to have an argumentative leg to stand on in place of whatever he can't/daren't articulate?
"But then he constantly brings it up in arguments that we have about how my kids haven't paid him back when he has told them not to worry about it"
Maybe the point he's trying (not at all eloquently/comprehensibly) to make is that no-one's giving him credit for his care and generosity and instead failing to take it into account whenever they lodge any complaint against him? Could he be treating you like sh*t because he feels undermined and taken for granted? Is he saying, 'I'm NOT a [whatever] because, LOOK!...'?
And do I take it that he USED to help you and your kids but not these days now that he's basically in a permanent sulk?
Are you a bit barrister-like in arguments?....Scary Lady? Hence why he tries to avoid engagement by keeping his phone out of action? And is the relationship mostly getting conducted at YOUR house?
What I'm getting a strong sense of is this (him): 'Why SHOULD I when nothing I ever DO do - even stuff I don't actually like or want to - ever gets appreciated!' Are those the kinds of noises he's overall making? If it is then he is definitely feeling not only resentful and put-upon and out-argued but HELPLESS.
Another question: you don't sound like the type of person who'd normally think of herself as a failure. Maybe, then, you don't and it's actually that HE feels like a failure and you, being the more empathetic party (woman), are sponging up these vibes to the extent where you're feeling the full extent of what he's feeling but, out of normal ignorance, are assuming those feelings are yours? I mean, it's a bit contradictory to say you don't know what to do any more when here you are, resourcefully demonstrating the exact opposite, isn't it? (I rest my case.)
Might you and he learn better ways of communicating on cloudy days with the help of a couples counsellor (preferably male, given matey's current defensive sense of being constantly on the backfoot)?