Too many selfish people who acted as friends...
You know these past 2 yrs has been something.I have been through clinical depression...something that I have never gone through before and while going through that...have found that people whom I thought were my friends were just selfish people who couldn't even take 1 minute to see how I was doing...meaning to just say hi and not about what I was going through because only 2 friends know and the counselor that I was seeing.BUT just from others to say hi...nothing too dramatic.They all know that I work from home so how hard could it have been to send a quick e-mail saying hi...or just checking up on you.Well I sent that same sort of e-mail to someone whom I thought was my friend for yrs.I sent it to her in April...yeah just a quick e-mail because I know that we all go through things and sometimes you just don't feel like talking to anyone on the phone or in person.Well since I was so depressed..that was fine by me BUT I always kept in touch with people via a quick e-mail here or there...I had sent that e-mail to her because I knew that she had gone through something not too long ago so I thought the most nonintrusive way to keep in touch would be to send her a little e-mail..oh and she goes to school so I KNOW that she's on the computer for school...so anyways I decided that I would no longer 'keep intouch' with any of these people because I could have easily sent an e-mail to all ofthem...when I have done so many times in the past..even when I was going through hell ...that's the only way I kept in touch...and they can't do that for me??Well I just had to decide to break it off with these people.I find it very inexcusable for people to not even check up on someone via either a text or an e-mail...well I don't text BUT they all could have sent me an quick hi e-mail since they ALL know I don't text.It's stuff like that..that would have meant a lot to me...some people just don't have a clue..
(Your turn now, is it? LOL)
Your story is typical of anyone who's been through some huge trauma, bereavement or depression, actually. They do say that at such points in ones life you find out who your real friends are. Seemingly it would be those remaining 2, with whom you must have a deeper, MORAL connection, since it does tend to be the case that friendships formed out of shared circumstance tend to fizzle out once those change as then leave you all with nothing or too little in common. And/or they could be slightly socially inept, as in, didn't have a clue how to approach/what to say to you without perhaps causing embarrassment or offence. Maybe those now-absent friends shared nothing but a similar sense of fun (and depression does make for fun, is it).
As for the friend who'd been through similar, she probably worried that she either wasn't quite fully recovered enough not to get sucked back in to a quagmire or slump and/or just didn't want to be reminded of that whole era when you (in particular) got to see her at her most vulnerable.
Plus there's also the hypothesis that you had been the instigator/social secretary ergo, with you out of action, they weren't confident enough or in the habit enough when it comes to taking the initiative. And another - that although YOU like the medium of email, secretly they always much preferred making contact by phone or in-person (...or just waiting around for others to do it).
But, yes, I'm with you (and, in fact, have Tippexed out of the address book MANY a so-called friend in my time; those remaining being whom I've known since childhood or with whom I so noticeably, MAJORLY clicked): If you ARE the type for whom nothing and no-one stops you from doing your duty (which is a testament to moral values), you obviously need to start collecting friends who are more intrinsically, morally alike.
Really, you should in a way thank them for having made your clearing of your decks, ready for 're-accessorising', that much more simple and easy.
Yup, some people just don't have a clue. Not on that score. Maybe in other ways that you lack and care not a jot for. "Birds of a feather [should] stick together".
Well on Thursday I gave it 1 last shot and once again e-mailed 3 people.2 of them I basically stated that I hadn't heard from them in awhile and just checking up and that we all go through stuff but it's still nice to hear back once in awhile...well nothing from anyone of them.I am truly done.Fuck it!
I think its a shame that you're in a place that you have to conduct tests to see who your friends are.Maybe you should go talk to somebody.I really don't mean to offend you in anyway but you've been through a lot and obviously you're reaching out.Good luck to you Darlin.
hi lilbigfish.you're not offending me at all.i think it's a shame when people who you've thought of as friends can't even send a short simple e-mail..that was the last time that I reach out to them at all because there isn't any sort of excuse for this at all.we live in a virtual environment and you would think that this would be the easiest thing one can do for a friend..but I guess not for some.like i said before I am done.basically what I have been going through..I didn't tell most people but i didn't think that I would lose contact with people..i didn't think that i would have to always be present with them basically every week to keep in touch!well just more energy i can spend on myself because there isn't any excuse...I am now moving on from this because I did try but friendship is a 2way street..give and take..50/50.
I agree. How hard would it be? You're well rid, then, aren't you. And that hard-won lesson in terms of a reminder about *any* relationship having to be a 2-way street is priceless for its adaptivity of application, not least when it comes to the greatest, non genetically-related relationship there is - the romantic one. You'd be surprised how easy (and detrimental) it can be to unwittingly carry over those sorts of low expectations that so-called friends could have primed you into believing was your norm. If you're not already loved-up, this experience will help you to dignifiedly and self-respectfully stand firm if ever a 'would-be' should do the typically blokey thing of trying it on during the Power Bid phase.
Also, now that you're 100% clear on what you will and won't tolerate, and in what specific ways, you'll start to naturally attract likemindeds.
So it's all good, in fact... just doesn't ever feel like it at the time.
Hi Pk I just wanted to check in with you and see if things are going better for you.Well and let your know that ever since I reàd your post, I have thought thought of you almost every day.I want you to know that sometimes total strangers can beo be more supportive and caring than the best of our friends.You made me care just by saying so very honestly what was on your mind and in your years.Please reconsider " "being done" as you put it.Because of your friends unsupportiveness (could be a word)you became a moment taken in a strangers life just to wonder how youre doing.Take care and keep being you
Sorry for the typos..new stylus
Even if you are in good mood or in a good estate, good friends would ask about you, write you.
You are definitelly right to act like this and never run after people its just without respect for yourself.
I am already angry when they only write and dont call.