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Relationship advice Met partner four yrs ago up two years into our relationship she decidedvthst I must wear a condom saying thevprescribed medication that I take which is a lot could be getting into her system love her and did what she wanted last June she went away with The girls to benidorm since her return our sex life has stopped her reason she is having problems with her lower abdomen especially with her vagina with pain and dragging down feeling she has been to the doctors who sent her for scans and found nothing wrong she went back to doctors again and had a internal but found nothing wrong but did swabs for std,s one in particular gonerea she says just the doctor eliminating possible causes of her pain and she told me the brown smelling discharge she has been having now suspect she is not being true to me and that I feel she has played away i bam in my 50s and she the same had know reason to distrust her before but now with all that has happened since having to wear condoms i i am not to sure she cannot have children so condoms are not really required advice and what do you think

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I'm sorry to hear that. But that information is confidential so as a woman if she did find out and not telling you. You can find out by going with her and or get tested yourself the doctor will tell you your results. Now if your negative she's telling to use a condom really sounds suspicious.

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Thinking its all suspicious lost all trust know I can be minipulated and always see the good in everyone but one thing I cannot live with is a element of doubt which now the seed has been well and truley planted think I will talk to her about it but know in doing so she will try and turn it on me which this time I will not let her minipulate me and know the relationship will end

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I really hope it works out in your favor. You have to stick to what you are saying, if you are ready to let go after you talk and she still is playing that victim card. Just go she will be crawling back and that's going to hurt her more. At least you didn't catch her sleeping with someone in front of your face. That would tear you up inside, I witness it and I couldnt get mad at the girl because she told me he told her we broke up long ago.I think their dogs weather it's a an or woman it's in their nature to be an animal. I never took the leap to leave but once I did he never stop bothering me. From crying over the phone to sending gifts. What really added salt to it was when I told him I'm talking to other men but in reality deep down I love him but I can no longer give him the control to minipulate me. You have to love yourself more and it's not easy it took me a long time to love myself more than I would love another. I Wish you the best.

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You really don't have enough information right now to jump to the conclusion that she is cheating on you. For sure, she is having physical issues that are causing problems for her and for you. She could be going thru menopause. What is her age?

If you love this woman, you will have a good talk with her and ask her to tell you what the Dr. says her medical problem is. Then you will also ask what happened on the girls' trip that made her feel different about you when she returned.

Communication is the key.


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TADD,

Was/has the doctor that prescribed your medication been aware during any point of your treatment (even if that constituted only repeat prescribing) that you're in a long-term relationship or relationship per se?

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Her age 60 meds are for spinal injury,she went through the menopause years ago and doctor is aware I am in a long term relationship

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Most drugs and medications get passed through the man's semen only in amounts so miniscule as to be negligible and without vicarious effect in terms of the drug's main efficacy and any side-effects. If, however, any medication is a rare exception in that way, a doctor knows and is duty-bound to prescribe an alternative or warn the patient in order to get his consent. (Imagine the legal ramifications, otherwise).

So I'm sorry to say it looks like her originally stated anxiety on that score is next to a load of rubbish and was either her being overly neurotic at the time OR an excuse to make you wear condoms for some other, more ominous reason. I'm surprised you didn't call your doctor to check the first time she mentioned it, actually. It would have been the logical and sensible move to have made, wouldn't it?

Is it possible that 2 years ago she suspected she had caught something but failed to get herself checked out, instead sticking her head in the sand, hoping the problem would somehow just go away and meanwhile fed you that story as a way to stop you ever finding out by physical means?... in which case the events on that holiday might have been a repeat of the first in terms of having had a cheating fling? Or possible that she suspected *you* of cheating back then and feared she might catch something?

I'm with you in terms of the gross suspiciousness in the fact that before she goes on holiday you two are still having sex but the minute she returns that's off the table altogether.

However, Susie's advice is right at this premature, purely conjectural juncture: you need to nicely and gently confront her in order to get to the bottom of all of this, including re-examining all of her claims.

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She has just turned 60 and for her birthday I gave her £6,000 towards a new car and a further £2000 to help with a new central heating boiler,love the lady but I know if she has cheated it would only have been the once as the mates she went with are a tad comman and its the sort of thing they would do,don't agree with infidelity so there will be no forgiveness just out of pocket by 8 grand been a fool and as usual minipulated to others advantage,had enough now after two marriages you would think I have learnt my lesson to quick to please but to easy to be minipulated,like to see people around me happy and again I have been used not bothered about the money as I am not into counting shabby bank notes have had enough now maybe time to join the other side and become a total bastard myself it will be hard to do as its not in my nature

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I think you must be making the widely common mistake of not taking the 'vehicle' for a thorough- or lengthy-enough test drive before handing over your cash. Cash means heart but in your case it's both, isn't it.

You're not trying to make money stand in for you when it comes to showing love and affection in all the normal, self-vulnerable-making ways, are you? Because that would do it, even if the woman had had sincere intentions to begin with. It would have her torn, thinking, 'This man doesn't have what it takes to make me happy long term, however, I really like the cash aspect so.... [enter augmenting tool brought in from outside].

Worth a check?

Or have you been sensing her emotional distance and trying to bring her back into the priorly happy bubble using said cash?

If not, if you did your natural best then DON'T YOU *DARE* TOUCH THAT DIAL! Becoming one of the basstuds is not the answer, that way lies even GREATER misery. The answer is to not change a thing aside from whatever is easily and warrantedly just given a tweak, and make this your new (which is TRUE) mantra: Right Qualities (mine), WRONG RECIPIENT!

If you were to meet your true counterpart, she whom is similarly brave and quick to trust, and to REWARD that show of big trust by showing hers, then where would be the trusting fool? Answer: NOWHERE!

Understand?

But anyway, first thing's first before you pull that trigger: phone your doctor and ASK.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-4