Upset someone at work
I've worked alongside this woman for 18mths. When she joined she was very shy and lacking in confidence, as her mentor I helped her settle in and over the time became good friends.
There is no attraction, just friendship as she is married.
In the past 6 mths she's lost weight and made new friends at work, becoming popular amongst the team.
I am less popular and in a way I felt she'd used me and dropped me.
During a lunchtime chat this came out. She took great offence, and told me she'd felt I'd hurt her feelings and she couldn't trust me, spend time with me or confide in me like before.
That was 3 weeks ago. I've apologised and backed off, a few times she's made contact and asked to talk then when I've arranged it she's blown it out.
Today we finally spoke, she repeated that she'd accepted my apology but couldn't be my friend like before. It's really hurt.
I know I was wrong, but I feel she's completely over reacted to a 30 min chat when we'd had 18 mths of friendship.
In the past 3 mths her husband had emigrated and she is due to follow him in 5 wks time. She's also become very flirty with other men at work, which bothers me as it's not the sweet girl I know.
Basically I have had my apology accepted but I've not been forgiven. Every time we talk she throws something I've said back at her.
I am in a quandary.whether to totally turn my back on her and let her leave without saying goodbye or be nice and deal with the situation fit the remaining time.
I'm just wondering when you say 'During a lunchtime chat this came out.' did you mean you told her that you felt she used you and dropped you? is that what she took offence to?
I suppose if that is very far from the truth that can be very harsh to hear, especially from a friend. However if it is also close to the truth, its also hard to hear, because then that person is rumbled. 'The truth always hurts syndrome'
Might you like her a little bit more than a friend but "There is no attraction, just friendship as she is married" and seeing her flirty with other men at work bothers you because of that.
If you think you will be always feeling regret if she leaves, if you don't try one more time to patch things up, then I would say try one more time, maybe buy lunch as a a peace offering and try and regain some of your friendship. If she accepts and you sort things back to your previous level of friendship, great but if she makes it clear that you can't, well at least you will know that you tried and did your best to.
Best of luck!
Thanks for replying. Yes, she did take offence at it, she didn't believe that was the case as she was (back then) still making time for me. Since the upset she doesn't (which is understandable).
I have no doubt acted badly. I've said my apology to her, and asked if we could go back as we were - but really that's not going to happen. I think I probably do feel more for her than I realise, which makes it a sadder situation.
TBH I don't think I'd regret her leaving if things stayed the same as we talk so much less it's going to be a relief not having her around as it hurts seeing her each day. In the coming weeks I am hoping she'll soften up toward me. I've made it clear I am sorry and that's what I'd like, but it's up to her. I suppose I could see how it pans out and whether she suggests anything to me.
Bottom line is there is nothing more I can do, so I guess I have to accept it for what it is.