Is my baby daddy a psychopath?
Hello. I have been in a relationship with this man for 5years. I found out during the 1st 2years that he had a girlfriend whom he was cheating on with me. I broke up with him and he came back saying he ended things with the girl. It was a lie! Which I realised when I was 6 months preg with his child.. He came back again this time with proof that they had broken up. I believed him and took him back in and mainly so we can raise the child together. Now the problem I have gone through his texts and I have realised that he has been texting and flirting with several women. We are in a Long distance relationship and I only get to see him on weekends. I know its wrong to invade his privacy but can't a girl look out for herself? Now whenever I confront him about it he packs his stuff and leaves. Besides that he is so disrespectful and finds a way to blame me about every disagreement we encounter.I have never cheated on him but I can't stand his cheating ways. He broke up with me and I'm depressed. Was I wrong? I depend on him for monthly groceries and day care fees etc. I love him and our baby is only a year old... How do is address these issues without actually pissing him off?
First I want to give you the advice my mother gave me...a women is treated the way she allows others to treat her. Now for my advice..find some one who loves you a little bit more than you love them and u'll never get hurt. That being said he is emotionally abusing you..he will ALWAYS have the upper hand (when he packs his bags and leaves) and he will use it. I know you feel dependent on him financially but that's also called child support. Don't sell urself short! There are plenty responsible men, I know of one right now and he is a Prince. Her loved and treated my daughter like the princess she was only to have his heart broken..
Bunnie I have a 7 year old from a previous relationship might I add. Who's gna take me with two kids from different fathers? As far as I'm concerned I am officially screwed.
NO!...I'm here to say that I have two children from different fathers and still my husband married me and raised them as his own. Also the son I spoke of his wife's two children are also from different fathers and he loves the kids as HIS own. He absolutely adores his son, and his son adores him. Wants to be just like his daddy!...I don't know if that's a good thing!...LOL but anyways luv, a good one will come..be patient...take care of urself and ur kids until then and make urself happy...Becuz people are drawn to HAPPY people.
Also, Zeeyanda, the ideal is where NEITHER party is the master or servant thus no-one feels constantly hurt and on tenterhooks. Apples and bananas can't compete or vie for superiority for being too different at that level, but the point is they're both fruit and both do make a great fruit salad. So you just need to find/wait to be found by someone who's as into you as you are they (top chemistry + not enough issues to make them want to hide/withhold its effect), plus - crucially - with the ability to see themselves as and work as a TEAM. Team spirit is KEY!
It's not rocket science nor mission impossible - IF you can have the patience and 'make like Simon Cowell' rather than solely floating off self-indulgently with the Honeymoon fairies and never seeing through the rose tint on your love glasses. If you HAVEN'T got the patience then to compensate you have to pay greater attention as you test-drive the candidate at super-fast speed. That's not rushing and cutting corners (as is to blame for so many mal-matched couples these days), it's concentrating/condensing the process (diff/all the diff)... albeit going faster does take a lot more energy out of you.
That basically translates to this no matter WHAT rate you go at: don't hand over the WHOLE of your heart and trust (and womb) until your head has given the all-clear. Until that point has been reached, just give your trust/heart in portions that the performance thus-far *warrants*. For example, ol' Cowell does not hear an auditionee sing one type of song once and then hand over the show trophy. S/he is put through their paces, made to sing various styles in myriad ways under myriad conditions and closely monitored and marked out of 10 every step of the way. Same principle when newly in-love (and where time and life provide the varying conditions).
It's an audition, Jim, but not as we know it. You, Zeeyanda, basically handed over the trophy before you'd finished judging his fuller repertoire. And obviously, one puts their BEST foot forward; showing their a*se comes later. So, as I say, you need to wait to see LATER.
The up-side to all of this, however, is that we gain knowledge (which is power) with every error we make. So it's all good. Just doesn't feel like it at the time.
Now to the pressing practical: "I depend on him for monthly groceries and day care fees etc. " Course you do. It's called CHILD MAINTENANCE - go get it (solicitor or CSA) ...and cease living under his sh*tty Sword of Damocles just because he doesn't want to answer to his gross misbehaviour and bad attitudes, because, in actual fact, your sword is far bigger and longer-term lifestyle threatening.
And, no, you weren't wrong. It's just that you showed him you WEREN'T prepared to play free nanny and Home symbol/base camp as he got to simultaneously act like he was still single. (GOOD FOR YOU FOR REFUSING TO BE ANYONE'S DOORMAT!) The word for that type begins in T and ends is Osser. You can't 'address these issues' because the issue is HIM! You're well rid and have dodged further bullets, AND have managed to break up at the optimum time in terms of your baby still being too young and unattached enough to know any different or later feel hard-done-by.
Life has actually done you a huge favour by 'making' him leave at this precise juncture. Take it - and your new-found wisdom - and run (, RUN, RUN!!!)
PS: when you've FINISHED running and then got your breath back and seen the light via that godsend called hindsight (1-2 years from now) is when your whole vibe will give out a superior signal as will attract a likewise superior model - your Mr Perfect-for-Me....your Me-With-A-Willy....he who is as much 'trusting fool' as you are whereby NO-ONE in your little society of two is an over-giver/over-investor (because you need CONTRAST for that).
Opposite Attract, my a*se. Yeah - they attract DIVORCE! ;-p
Oh Soulmate. I thank u. And Bunnie thanks for your input as well. I however do hope this pain on my chest will soon go away. I have invested so much in him but hey like soulmate has said I have to grab this life and run with it! Sad as it is. But what do I do if he comes back?
Take immediate steps to move on quickly, particularly as you have Social Security and Child benefits you need to start claiming. If you begin with just one-step-in-front-of-another going through the motions by-rote of tackling the practical and financial dependencies that you only *think* bind you, your mind will quickly follow suit. It's called faking it to make it AND IT WORKS.
Also, block his phone numbers, etc. Trust me, that will stop all but the very determined (i.e. the genuine or the since-enlightened). Further, every time he tries to re-sell himself - or in fact says ANYTHING - remember this thought: Blah...Blah...BLEUGH - heard it all before - all mouth and zero trousers!
And all the while, just keep focussing on the fact that for every day you allow him to disturb your process of detaching or even put you back nearer Square One is yet another however-many days'/weeks'/months' delay in getting to meet your near-future diamond geezer, which makes any and every attempt of this Mr Wrong to engage your heart or ego just him knowingly and deliberately standing in yours, your baby's and Mr Diamond's (and any kid of his's) way.... literally holding you two back from each other, one hand on your chest and the other on Mr Diamond's - the psych version. See it those terms, let it make you angry, and - that ought to do it.
Yes, of course the pain will soon go away. This is just the sensation of Disappointment and Frustration but magnified and intensified and, like all emotions, is but a transient state. Plus, it's a psych fact that people always seriously over-estimate how long it'll take to get over someone (the pessimistic uggers, LOL). Plus you have to factor in the fact he was MEAN and UNFAIR and as selfish as they get. That's what'll make your process faster than the average...this being one of those times where anger is GOOD, anger is your friend. You're going to start saying/thinking, 'How could he have treated me like that, what is WRONG with him [sob]?'...which is going to morph into, 'How did he DARE treat someone nice like me like that!'....which itself will become, 'WHO THE HELL DID HE THINK HE WAS, AND MORE TO THE POINT, WHO THE HELL DID HE THINK *I* WAS, UGH!'...then into, 'He wasn't right in the head, that one'....and finally, 'Pff, who gives a sh*t, he was a twat of the highest order' into, 'Poor Mr Thickie, he's never going to be able to have a higher love like me and Mr Diamond have', this last one obviously said smugly in rare quiet moments between sh*gging like ecstatic bunnies, LOL.
There you go, that's your path mapped out. 50p, please.