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My boyfriend...

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Drug advice I've been with him for almost 2years. I found out how serious his crack addiction was a at 6mo in. I knew he experimented with things in college. Drugs, kinky crazy sex,violence.. But at 9mo in, I had to wake up to him in my locked window begging for me to let him in. He was high from binging on crack. I have 3 children from my ex husband living with me. I wasn't letting him in the house, but it was February in new England and I set him up in the heated basement. It was 3:45am. He left in the middle of the morning before I got up. Ultimately he went to rehab. Months do by, I reconnect with him. We have been back together over a year now. We've moved. But he always goes back to it. Now he sells weed, he has the license, but no money is ever enough. He's rude, irritable and finds anything wrong with everything. He reminds me he can be with someone who enjoys his kind of fun (drugs,kinky sex) if I don't. He doesn't like my kids, who have issues of their own. My issue is, I feel I can do better. But he's on my lease till September. How do I make him leave? He's threatened me before. I'm losing my mind.

My boyfriend...

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Well, that's the whole point of the test-drive, isn't it - to find OUT whether the car is a lemon. Hard as it may be to say to the big car salesman in the sky, 'Not this one, thanks', it's something we all have to go through if we want the chance to bag ourselves the perfect vehicle for *us*.

I personally believe that showing ourselves capable of believing we're WORTH holding out for our 'perfect' partner is a gauntlet run as gets us rewarded with that very prize.

Back to your so-called boyfriend: a proper, steady relationship doesn't feature, amongst other undesirables, 'months going by' without contact or one partner being constantly critical, rude, irritable and psychologically threatening-stroke-peer pressuring toward the other, and unsupportive/non-paternal towards their already vulnerable kids. That's not a boyfriend, ALLIEINMA, that's a prison sentance.

Just agreeing with you in case you go and change your mind, BTW. ;-)

How you make him leave is not that hard. That's what we have the Police and Courts for (or friends/friends-of-friends who are 6-foot-something and built like brick sh*thouses to calmly and masterfully accompany him off the premises). Alternatively, Sept is only 2-3 months away if you can wait it out? If not, speak to (and explain to) your landlord about getting him removed from the lease? What about your children's father, wouldn't he and his mates rally round and not only ask him to leave but counter-threaten him if he gets bulshy?

You're not losing your mind, you're just chronically stressed. And neither are you helpless. In fact, you hold all the cards.

He can go and have kinky sex under some lamppost somewhere (you never know, someone might pay him for it). I expect he'll enjoy that, the good-for-nothing user-bully, considering he likes showing his a*se so much.

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