I think my bf of 7 yrs is cheating on me. He recently admitted to sending naked sexual pics to old girlfriend, but stopped. Said he needed excitement and our relationship was stale. I was planning on forgiving him, but then found his naked pic on Craigslist. He said the jealous boyfriend of his old girlfriend posted them there not him. Can this really occur? I saw a reply from a iPhone (it did not have a number) in his message box trying to arrange for a meeting. It was to another guy! Can this come from anyone but him?
After 7 years if you think hes cheating then he probably is especially if he confessed to receiving naked pics. Do what you need to do, he is clearly bored of being with you :( i wouldn't want anyone im with broadcasted on any website naked
How come to admitted to it?
I asked him if there was anything he need to tell me about. He first said no, but I came back and asked again and he then told me about this 4 month thing that is now supposedly over. I get it that life can get stale with the everyday stuff couples have to deal with (work, house, family) and almost can accept he wanted something excited and new. He said he was sorry, truly loved me, and did not want to throw 7 yrs away. I am not 100% convinced he is being 100% honest. I am so hurt I am am not sure I am thinking straight. My real concern is the m4m posting on Craigslist. He says it is not him but jealous pen pals bf, but if I saw a reply talking about a hook up in HIS email folder to one of the posts. could that reply email come from anyone (e.g. The jealous bf) but him?
Don't get ahead of yourself with the details, just sit and think some more about how READILY AND EASILY, actually, he gave in and confessed...and why you suppose that could be. ?
I have been thinking about this for days. He was offering a lot of info during first confession about him sending pics to the ex girlfriend. Maybe too much like you can check my paychecks for overtime whe I come home late and then gave an entire list of website her boyfriend signed him up for. I did not even ask him about that! However he doesn't have anything in his contacts for this women. Then he gave me a different name second day of discussion. Why did he confess? Guilt, relief of sneaking around, hoping I would just except that plausible answer and move on in one direction or another, maybe hope I throw him out and he gets off easy...my decision/my fault. I don't know.
However I can find many Craigslist contacts, all appearing to be male. I think he was quick to confess "a women" to avoid focus on the "man" stuff. I can be way off base here, and I have not told him I have a screen shot of one of his email with a reply to another man trying to establish a location on his cell phone. I think he is denying the m4m stuff. What concerns me is he is most likely still lying about something.
I am not 100% sure he want to continue even though he said he doesn't want to end this. But he also said he has nowhere to go. No if feel like he may have been using me (we live in my house, go out a lot, and go on great vacations primarily funded by me). So the pain is even deeper.
All I want is the truth, the whole truth.
Cheers for the extra data. It now puts this opening quote into context: Said he needed excitement and our relationship was stale.
Conclusion at this point: Leverage affair/pretend affair. This is when they basically go OTT (either out of cluelessness or laziness/wanting to cut corners) in a bid to get your attention (preferably upped) and never again lose it and/OR to have the upper hand via you forever more walking on eggshells and not daring to rock the boat in case they go and take the *other* leg out of the relationship. Whether they DESERVE that attention and/or caution or definitely don't deserve it (thus have to try to force it off of you), and why, really only you would know. But they start to basically, in less and less subtle ways, wave it under your nose until, hey-presto, you realise something of that nature isn't right and confront them. They then give you too much of the information you DON'T want and not enough of the info you do. This is to trigger/lure you into playing detective, but carefully so's not to upset or offend them. And obviously all the clues lie with him, meaning - aim, fire, BULLSEYE!, you're suddenly constantly completely focussed on him....and hopefully ready to 'fight the other woman' for him but through him (because her you don't/can't have access to).
The proof that he's NOT trying to get himself fired/make you resign from the relationship is in the fact you've just said, 'I don't know'. If he were, you'd know alright. Feeling you desperately need to find out everything is what keeps you hooked. (Course. Same as if you got mugged at night by a masked attacker, you'd badly want and need to find out who did that, too, wouldn't you.)
Men who are cheating can, if determined enough, keep it a secret from their mate forever if need be. Plenty do. Seems like he couldn't WAIT to give you extra gory details, doesn't it. And, ref his saying he doesn't want to end this: if he did secretly want out it would have been so much easier and simpler for him to have, whoops!, omitted to say that sentance (- it and what it meant would have occurred to you later, guaranteed). Plus, saying he has nowhere else to go: that's just him playing your maternal instincts a sad violin tune, I reckon. So he seems to be trying to box you in from every possible angle, covering every base that COULD give you the basis and wherewithal to call it quits.
Question: Are you not easily ego-engaged/riled? Might you not want to bother fighting another woman for him but would another man? I mean, it's supposedly more insulting if the writing on the wall seems to be saying, not only aren't you doing it for him as a woman but you're so bad you've made him want to bat for the other side, isn't it. (Emphasis on 'seems'.)
Alternatively, could he be getting in with a swingers' crowd, hence communication with members of both sexes?...and possibly using this whole thing as his way to manipulate you via your fears into agreeing to going with him to a meet?
Or, as I say, he's trying to wrest power from you because, not you but this set-up (you Tarzan, he Jane) has for too long emasculated him and filled him with resentment for which he wants to get you back and show you that, in actual fact, he still has independence and power over you (i.e. your wellbeing) regardless?...as in, '*I'm* the daddy'? Or is he underneath it all a giant, parasitic power-freak who wants all the power and perks both fiscal and psychological but without any of the hard work normally associated with it as earns it?...and his saying the relationship is basically boring whilst seemingly making vague moves to leave you enough to freak you yet *not* enough to give you the sense of certainty needed to go as far as dump him is his way of frightening you into giving it?
*WHY* are you 'Daddy Warbucks' to little Orphan Annie there?
Wow. I am an educated scientist and still was not sure what this meant.
In any case, he finally admitted to troling CL for m4m for awhile. I feel releived that I wasn't just being crazy about this. At this point it doesn't matter to me if it was male or female 'harmless fun' as he called it. bottom line is he lied, cheated, and deceived me. And would go to no end to hide his dirty little secret about being bi or gay or whatever. Nonetheless less, I kicked him to the curb with a bag of dirty laundry. He begged to reconcile........really???
My next concern is trying not to be a vendictive bitch. I have many screen shot of him from CL in my house as well as my moms!!!!!!! I want so bad to forward to his entire contact list (minus the kids of course). Am I going too far? I am sure he will tell everyone I am an A one bitch seeking revenge.....oh same story he started with.
talk me down before I go too far!!!!
Didn't understand any of it? Or just that uncomfortable question at the end, there? Well, you're at some point going to at least have to ask it of yourself because it no doubt has quite a significant bearing regarding WHY you got saddled with a bloke who'd rather nastily emotionally manipulate greater attention and pandering out of you than just up his wooing efforts. It's called, LAZY TAKE-TAKE-TAKE MERCHANT. Doesn't want to do the hard wooing work to make his woman purr at him, doesn't want to have to do the hard office work to earn himself a decent-enough salary. (He's a cheater, alright, but in this case not - despite all contrived appearances - in the normal sense of the word as involves other sexual/romantic partners.)
That's why he seemingly-surprisingly begged to reconcile. His ham-fisted attempts just to get your greater attention had backfired on him (and kudos to you for that!), which worked to turn the tables by putting himself in the very underdog and chaser position he'd banked on putting *you* in. He wasn't expecting that reaction on your part because so often this whole tack DOES tend to work on women.
I'm sure you do feel like getting revenge. However, you should keep your dignity and self-respect because revenge of the short-term variety like that never does leave one feeling better, meaning, it's a pointless waste of energy (that could be better used elsewhere) and one that could come back to haunt you. The very best and never-ending revenge, in fact, is when you prove you were the healthy one and he the unhealthy one by recovering in good time (not too fast as to smack of pretense) and then moving on to naturally find/be found by what I call the automatic upgrade and being happier (obviously) than you were or ever could have been with him.
It's tantamount to him getting given proof that he was a pathetic Reliant Robin driver whom, when handed a BMW Sports (you), couldn't handle it and eventually ended up making it break down...whereupon he kids himself it was all the BMW's fault...only, all of a sudden, along comes another bloke who manages not only to re-start it successfully and drive and handle it like a dream but even goes on to win an actual rally in it. Conclusion: I have very poor driving skills, I'm not man enough,.. there was nothing wrong with that car, it was a perfectly good car, a DREAM car, in fact.. the problem element was obviously ME! [cue box of tissues]
Not only does that give YOU satisfaction but it teaches him never again to behave in the same childish and manipulative way with the next poor woman, meaning, you get the Karma credit for having done however many women a favour.