Marriage at 15? Help! Please :(
Hello everybody I am a 15 year old girl who wants to marry my 18 year old boyfriend. I live in Utah. Please don't judge we really do love eachother and yes I know what love is because I found out what it was with him.No, I'm not pregnant I'm still going to continue school in fact we are going to move somewhere close to it and he is very responsible and works. Anyways, at first I wanted to just move away with him I told my mom she told me I should get married Not just leave like that we want to get married with a judge but I do not know if I can and also my mom is okay with it but my dad I don't think he will be I haven't even told him we're planning on telling him soon though. Do I just need ones parents permission or does it have to be both of them and can I get married? Please help thank you!
The judgement makes itself, whether or NOT I or anyone merely point it out in words. And, in fact, you need COURT approval as well as parental (both parents). Even then, you have to be pregnant for them to even consider it (which is no guarantee).
A girl who was psychologically mature beyond her years, enough to commit the rest of her life solely and exclusively to another human being would say something like, 'I may FEEL like I'm ready for marriage but, whether or not my mother claims it's a necessary condition to cohabiting, I appreciate how at only 15 - a time of growing, experimenting and changing wherein one inevitably is heavily susceptible to finding ones mind drastically changed without warning - I'm not 'fully-baked' enough to be capable of accepting a life sentence of that magnitude yet. I'll wait a few years, not least to test out my so-called conviction of wanting to living the rest of my one-and-only lifetime (i.e. the next 80 or so years) with this one person'. (And that's when it's her own idea to begin with, which this wasn't.) So the very fact of your even *considering* such an highly foolish recommendation at only 15, itself automatically proves how and why you shouldn't.
If 15 year-olds were capable of making that level of serious commitment and handling all of its present and future ramifications and off-shoots then don't you think the age of consent would long have been dropped to suit?
If your mother is just humouring you in a bid to slow you down with an apparent obstacle being in your way of you and he leaving and being together then, fine (albeit she should be explaining the reasons against *properly*, not trying to trick you). But if she's serious - shame on her, she isn't a mentally mature woman. So talk to your dad because he's obviously the more grown-up one out of the two.
You know what ice-cream tastes like as well, right? But if this guy were a flavour, say Vanilla, then in actual fact, you only know what Vanilla ice-cream tastes like, not Rocky Road, Strawberry Daquiri, Mocha, or any of the other multitude of flavours out there. You are therefore not in a position to know that you won't one day go off Vanilla or form an allergy to it (or it to you) or to know that Coffee flavour isn't "THE" flavour for you in terms of having what it takes to keep you happy with it and only it, forever-Amen.
As for your dad, if it were that only one parent's consent were needed and you, his child too, went and married solely on your mother's say-so, I imagine your dad might react by divorcing her.
Kay first of all do NOT disrespect my mom and especially MY mom when you do not even know her. She is the most wonderful human being same as my future husband. The first thing I say is not to judge me and even worse you judge my mom when you do not even know a thing. And I never said that I wasn't sure of it I know that I do want to marry and I am aware of it. And one last thing not ALL 15 year old's are the same. Thank you.
You say you are going to finish school? what about your boyfriend? is he in college? Do you have a house? or plan on living for many years with either of your parents? And its a mums role or dad to look after their children until they become young adults and independent enough to look after themselves. At 15 whether you like it or not you are not classed as an adult. You are still a child.
You may love each other very much or it could be childhood infatuation. But right now you both only want each other. Those feelings may or may not last. But a sign of maturity is planning for your future. Why not wait till you are at least 18 and then if you both feel the same deal with it then and take it further.
And just wondering did you like Sesame Street when you were younger? Big bird and elmo...or what was your favourite show when you were 5 or 10?
Would it be your favourite now? or have you moved on from those kids shows. Well so too can life situations change, what you feel now you may not in 5 or ten years. And just curious how long is your boyfriend your boyfriend?
And you know you may end up marrying your bf, my sister married her childhood bf...she was 15 also....but she didnt marry till she was 24
So be the child you are...have fun...do what other 15yr olds do. It doesn't mean you have to give up your bf. But you don't have the responsibilities of feeding yourself, keeping a roof over your head, electricity, gas bills. And you can focus on your school work and plan for your future a lot better.
My boyfriend and me have been together for a year now.
Instead of getting married, why don't you just enjoy dating your boyfriend while you both finish school? You can still see him every day while dating him can't you? Besides, once your married and you get pissed off with him, you are stuck living in the same roof with him since he is already your husband. If you are only dating him and you have a fight, he can still go home to his parents. Also, when you want to do something, you do not need his permission to do so. Once you are married with him, you'll have to ask him his permission to go do stuff.
Think very carefully about that sweetie.
He already finished school, He is going to college now. And thank you for your advice
I dare you to name 3 rational reasons as to how you would benefit from marrying this early rather than waiting for a while. Honestly, what's the rush? If you're worried he'll leave if you don't marry him, or if he's worried you'll leave, the you do not have a good relationship.
Seriously all this judging has to stop I know judging will always happen but I didn't came here to get judged I came for help and have my answered question and so far all of you have only judged without knowing how my relationship is all I want is someone to answer my question not someone who talks about how horrible my life will be I'm aware and completely positive that it will not be. So either any one answer my question or please shut up because it makes me feel horrible when people judge me. Thank you.
You are only 15 and have not reach the age of consent yet. I live in the state of NY and here you need the consent of both parents if you want to marry at such a young age. Most states would require the same. Now, if your parents are divorced, whoever has the full custodial rights to you, not only physical custody but full custody/guardianship, then that has to be the parent to give permission for you to get married.
I don't think anyone who gave you advice was trying to judge you or be rude. The majority of people will be of the same mindset that 15 is far too young for marriage. And you say that your mother is ok with it? then how come she hasn't enquired if you need one or two parents consent?
Anybody can get married (within the consent age) but not everybody can stay married. Dating until you are ready would be a much better option, and I'm not judging you, it's what I would say to my own kids if they planned to do that when they were your age.
If your really both in love why do u need to rush for just a piece of paper? your 15 just enjoy your life and relationship why would u need or want to jump into something like marriage so soon. Its your life but sounds like a total mistake to me if your relationship is for real then there is no reason why you both cant just wait at least a few years.
(Could I be forgiven for wondering whether you're the most junior member of Hacked Off?)
It makes *me* feel horrible when CHILDREN are permitted to enter into an adult union, supposedly with nearby grown-ups failing to do what they're charged with doing.
I'm factual, to-the-point, lecturing, and not scared to make my opinion known, not rude. Not liking what you hear, whether or not because it flicked a nerve or simply because you merely THOUGHT you could pre-censor, direct and control opinions on a public forum, even that of its senior adviser, doesn't automatically make what you hear rude nor justify your over-defensive reaction to it. *Intention* proves rudeness or not. But the minute social responsibility and judgement for the common good ceases to exist or be freely exercised will be when the world deteriorates into Sodom and Gomorrah. "Rah-rah" judgement!
What, anyway, did you think an opinion *was* if not just another word for judgement? Go Google, you'll see.
However (and I'm doing you a favour by taking the trouble to explain this so that you don't make this same mistake ever again) - I cited two, equal, potential opinions, using the word *if* as makes what I submitted merely a HYPOTHESIS. And as far as I can see, that hypothesising or mere querying or challenging goes for all subsequent posters as well.
For your information and no doubt total surprise, it's *you* who is judging and disrespecting your mother, despite entirely forgivably out of lack of age, maturity, knowledge and experience (including motherly). That you happened to judge her merely *favourably* in that one regard does not make it any less of a judgement, particularly through the fact you allowed no alternative. And then you disrespected her by making the concrete (cough!) judgement via implication that she couldn't POSSIBLY be trying to box cleverer in slowing you down to make you think twice (and/or, as the nature and tone of your response suggests, trying to avoid a locked horns situation). What are you saying - that she's without the capability to manipulate someone far younger and less intelligent than herself for the power of their own good?...and to do so would make her not nice any more?...or that you *aren't* less intelligent than her (as well, are a mind-reader)? Is that respectful of the grown adult who just happens to be your mother?
Be honest: you took umbrage only because to have NOT done so would have equalled your *admitting* she could have been already halfway into out-witting you, which you wouldn't want to do due apparently to believing you're an ADULT now and thereby her equal. Er, no. Only if she stayed the age she is today until such time as you caught up to it might that even be possible. So have a bit of respect for your elders, if you don't mind, starting with her. If you can't manage that using only your imagination then try making two parallel lines on the floor out of pebbles to represent your respective ages. That'll undoubtedly bring it home to you.
Notwithstanding, I'm with Voltaire who famously said, 'I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it'. Plus I appreciate you're only 15 and unaware this isn't some sort of MacForum where you get to dictate exactly what and how you get served, but rather, a place wherein you get what you *need*.
Now you do know. So you, self-penned 'Short GIRL', for the fact I and others answered non-panderingly, can throw "evils" through the ether now but thank the memory of us once you hit 25. That'll do us nicely.
And, FYI, with this obviously much-needed lecture and reprimand, I've just given you the exact same treatment I give ADULT visitors the minute they get arrogantly petulant. Can you handle that? Whether or not you can will be yet another litmus reading to say whether or not you're ready to take the greatest leap known to Joe and Joanna Schmoe-kind.
Lastly but not leastly, an edit to my prior statement to address your belief that not all 15-year-olds are the same:
If it were a finding that certain people of that age genuinely were the *exception* to the rule regarding their being incapable of making that level of serious commitment, etc., then don't you think the upholding of the legal age of consent would depend on the results of a simple, court-authorised pychometric test?
Age isn't the primary issue. It's about ACTUAL EXPERIENCE AND WISDOM and the requisite amounts for lasting marriage being attainable in such a relatively short period of time. After all, it's those same courts who end up daily having to deal with such aftermaths.
I'm letting you know now that I have not read ANY of the comments above because I want to give you advise based on what I have witnessed personally with a similar situation to yours so please bear with me...
I met my best friend back in 2001 when I was 11 and she was 13 I want you to know this so that you know I watched this happen literally from day one. In 2003 we were 12 & 14 she met a guy that was 18 that she started dating. When she was 15 they decided they wanted to get married after much pleading she finally managed to convince her mom to sign the papers to let them get married. Everything was great the first few years but eventually (because that's what happens) they started to grow apart, not because they didn't still love each other but because as they got older they changed and realized they wanted different things from life that they hadn't even realized they could ever want when they were younger. In 2007 not long after her 18th birthday they realized their differences were too great and got divorced. Not even a year later they both met and fell in love with the people that they have been with ever since that wanted what they wanted out of life. They still love each other greatly today (as friends) and still keep in touch.
My point is you may truly love him and him you (that's not for me to decide) but you don't know where you'll be in just 3 years much less 10 or 15 years from now. Why not just wait for the 3 years until you're 18? If it's truly ment to be then he'll still be there by your side in 3 years. And you can have time to save for the beautiful wedding you both deserve.
[round of applause!]