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Child mine?

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Relationship advice lfriend of 4 years finished with me out of the blue. Everything was fine before that. 4 months later, I found out she had given birth. She is also on 50mg of anti depressants. She said she had slept with someone else 4 months before we broke up. She had come off the pill temporarily, had a one night stand and didn't find out she was pregnant till she finished with me. Supposedly the father doesn't want to know and left the city. A lot of this felt suspicious so when I finally got to see her I asked for DNA test. The test confirmed that I wasn't the father but I still have doubts? I have seen pictures of the child and she looks like me and the swabs for the child were taken by the mum. I have tried to be supportive as she is suffering from depression but as time goes by I have hardly heard from her and my desperation have pushed her further and further away.......but I still have doubts? Advice please?

Child mine?

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Everything CAN'T have been fine before that. You just were unaware (and that's obviously how she wanted it).

Antidepressants are not usually recommended for most pregnant women, especially during the early stages of a pregnancy. However, exceptions can be made if the risks posed by depression outweigh any potential risks of treatment. I'm sure, therefore, if she'd been THAT depressed, you'd have been aware of the fact long before now.

So I only conclude she's on anti-ds for post-partum depression (baby blues). Or is just selling you a story to make you tread carefully and not PUSH too much for answers.

What percentage certainty did the paternity test state? And do you yourself look at all similar to your ex or did once when you were both babies? Otherwise, what with the swabs having been supplied by your ex, I agree you have no proof that said swabs were the baby's rather than some other kids'.

Are you American or a Brit?

Child mine?

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Thanks for the reply soulmate. I'm Brit by the way. To clarify I'm not sure when she began the anti depressants but have had to tread carefully so as not to push her over the edge. Have suffered depression myself I understand. I don't know what she looked like younger but recent pics I have seen (baby now 1 half) resemble me a lot. The DNA test should have clear things up (it said the usual that 3 or more blah blah) but its that lingering doubt about the swabs? I can't confirm if everything was fine between us up to her finding out about the pregnancy.... But there were no bad signs before hand. I also know her parents were never told about us because they wouldn't approve

Child mine?

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If you don't trust the home paternity test (and why would you) then need to contact the CSA who'll order a tightly controlled one to be carried out on your behalf (with you footing its bill only if you're capable). Be aware, however, that if the test proves positive they'll expect you to commence paying situation-reasonable amounts of regular monthly child maintenance (unless the mother declines it) but will also assist in securing you regular visitation rights.

Given how [1] the mother, your ex, fell with depression (I gather) AFTER she left and [2] would have known you were once a sufferer, wholly likely, therefore, to be empathetically cautious and reverent towards her thus apt to want to avoid pressuring her for answers, this whole thing strikes me as rather convenient. So I'm now wondering if she's one of those women who, knowing she no longer wanted to be in a relationship with you, decided it would be more beneficial financially to pretend you didn't exist and thereby receive a greater amount of state benefits and credits (including a council house) than were the baby's father paying support. Think about it: it would be a great method for making you not dare to box her into a corner for answers.

She does strike as not exactly forthcoming in terms of honesty [understatement]. Hence why you, an obviously sensitive and empathic type, noticed no signs. Were you unusually completely oblivious or were there no signs to speak of through her keeping such a tight lid on everything? That's the question. But, when added to the fact she kept the fact of you and her hidden from her parents, it's one that lends weight to her alleged depression being a convenient ruse that would be bound to work on you.

Alternatively or additionally, she might well be highly reliant on practical and further financial input from her parents and fear their help might get retracted if they knew you were the father.

However, that's her problem. You and that child, if indeed yours, have a god-given right to enjoy a proper daughter-father relationship and the CSA is the way to go on that score.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-0