I am 17 years old and I am currently in a relationship with a 16 year old girl. We are very close and are open with eachother and tell eachother everything. The other night she went to a friend for a party and was drink (not excessive) but she knows that drinking is against my morales. We spoke about drinking long ago and I told her how much I hated it and she still went and did it. After I spoke to her about it she said that I over reacted and made me seem like I was the person who was in the wrong. I asked her if she would drink at a next party and she said yes, after I told her how much I dislike drinking again. I don't know what to do and I'm very confused.
I'm from South Africa so 16 is underaged drinking.
All comments welcome, need advice asap. What should I do?
Choose people who share your standards and values and your relationship with them will rarely be questioned. If you choose to hang around with someone who doesn't share your morals, then you're bound to clash sooner or later, regardless if whatever you clash about is legal or not.
You have discussed the issue of drinking with this girl long ago and she still does what is her choice and right to do so regardless. This alone should tell you where you stand with her and it should be screaming at you of just what sort of a person she really is(looking at her actions)without being disrespectful to her.
She has a choice just as YOU have a choice but you owe it to yourself to make the right choices as to who and what is good for you.
I've also just accepted underaged drinking because all teens do it but it doesn't mean I agree with it and I didn't think it would come so close to my life because I haven't been very good friends with someone who drinks so this is a first for me. And the thing is that we are very close and I don't want to lose her because she means a lot to me and we both feel the same way about eachother and want to soon be in a relationship.
Greetings from Texas my friend! I left to college last fall and landed a Dormitory room with a random roommate, whom, by means of all irony, couldn't have been any more different than me...in every aspect of the word. Anyway, I was rather a more socially tuned high school student versus he, as I was involved with Sports and Band while his only extra curricular happened to be theater. I was raised in a much larger city that he was so the idea of drinking,smoking,drugs,etc.. was more widely accepted because,being from a big city, we knew that there were people out there and around us who were bound to break the rules whether the reason lay with family issues, social conformity, or just shear curiosity of "testing out the waters" as we call it here. When I got to college,I was the party type, as I joined a fraternity and what not, while he, lay idol in our dorm room,sort of letting the beginning of his best years go to waste as he did nothing but play video games and rant about how life isn't fair. Ironically though, I made far better grades than him. However, when anything is labeled "not the right thing to do" such as smoking or drinking,especially at underage, it carries more of 'danger' factor to it,meaning that our young,and adrenaline filed bodies receive a kick out of following through with such a behavior or activity. I guess what I am trying to get out here is that if your friend wants to drink, then chances are that they will continue to do so,merely due to the fact that they want to seem to fit in or prove themselves. I hope this brings some sort of help to your issue my friend!
You are entitled to your feelings and your own morals. Your girlfriend is entitled to her own feelings and morals. It's fine to share how her behavior affects you, but to expect that she act according to someone else's desires is wrong. That would be like her insisting that you drink because she thinks it's ok even when you don't.
You need to learn if you can live with someone else living by their own moral compass, even if that doesn't line up perfectly with yours. And when it doesn't, can you be ok with that. If you can't handle it, you may want to think hard about why you can't be ok with other people living their own lives. And if you still can't handle your girlfriend's beliefs and actions, then you should tell her that you aren't demanding that she change her ways but be honest that you can't handle her actions that are against your morals and it would be best for BOTH of you that you end the relationship.
But you should really think about why the world needs to live according to your beliefs and morals without expecting for yourself to change to meet someone else's standards. This particular flaw in thinking is the root of most problems and atrocities in the world. Make the world a better place and learn to let others be their own person.
Excellent points, Resident Advisor
I sure wish she had chosen another issue (other than drinking)to express her independence and to let you know that you are not going to run her life, thank you, boy. :)
Don't be ashamed about expressing your dislike/concern for teenagers consuming alcohol. We don't know what it does to the still-developing brain of the adolescent, but much of the research is not good news.
She's gonna do her thing, and you don't agree. So, yes, time to move on. Detach with a smile on your face and wish her well. Find someone like-minded to your stance about this issue.
The thing if she was 18 I wouldn't really mind, however she is still on 16 and it is illegal what she is doing.
I've realized that I don't want to end things because what we have is a very special relationship and it just wouldn't seem right without her in my life.
Do you think if I tell her to stop drinking she wouldn't think I'm a controlling boyfriend? If so, what other ways are there so that I can tell her and hopefully she will see that it is illegal and what she is doing is wrong.