Why am I feeling this way?
I have been married 8 years. I feel that our marriage is over, I don't know were to begin and if this is normal, it all started just after we got married, he stated playing online games and seemed to spend all his free time playing and talking to people online I talked to hm about this and said how I felt and things started to improve. Then it all started again when a new game came out, he lost interest in everything, made me feel that I was being stupid when I used to talk to him about it - we were just two people existing in the same house, I did and still do everything around the house and the garden on my own while he sits playing or watching TV. He said things will change he makes an effort and says the right things but with in a month is back to how it used to be, he says the right things that I want to hear - I want to have a family but he has lost interest, I have tried everything but has all been rejected, then we hit a all time low I stared to seek else were for some one to talk to, companionship and other things - to feel wanted and not feel useless and bad about myself as many times I have asked what have I done is all my fault that he is the way he is I should be doing more to make things better. We both work full time looking after him and the house and it got too much he would be home before me and play on the pc I would get home and carry on with the house work, cooking dinner then he would moan that he his shirt had a extra creases in the arms !!! He has promised that he wants a family and he will be more helpful - I was ready to pack it all in last year I was exhausted, emotionally drained we had a big argument, he found that I have been chatting to other men, met up but never cheated untill I met with a man who was in a similar situation and we got on instantly and planned to meet but the husband found out and was a wake up call for him. To make up for it he brought me a car, and a new sex toy !!! He started paying me more attention, I felt that I have to give our marriage a chance, things improved for a while but again they are going back to how they were, am not sure if a can go though this again, I know and feel there is better but the grass is not always greener. But I can't not go though this again but feel he is the only chance I have of having a family but he has led me on for years on the promise that one day he wants one too but nit at this moment. Do I just cut my losses and re build my life or battle it out and become a shell of my former self ?? I had in my mind left him last year and he has been trying to save us but I feel it is still not working for me.
You said he spends all his time playing games and chatting online. Does he chat to girls too. Could it be a case that he has got close to someone same as you have? and maybe gaming is his alibi? Perhaps you both want out but are afraid to take that big step? Some think that having a baby will change things and in some cases it does but for some it doesn't change if anything may get worse and if he doesn't help now, do you think he would help if you had a baby? Late night feeds, giving 100%?
Separating before children is a better situation than separating with children. Maybe have a trial separation? for a few weeks and see do you both miss each other and it might let you both know what you want. You could go another 8 yrs and then end up splitting and perhaps then is too late to start a family with someone else. Or maybe it will open his eyes and realize he doesn't want to lose you and start talking again about the pitter patter of little feet!
hi, sorry to hear what you are going through. funnily, I have/am in the same situation. I have been with my husband for 7 years, married for 3. we have a 2 year old beautiful son. I feel very alone as me and my husband dont really talk about anything apart from our son. when my son goes to sleep, we both do our own thing. hes always on his PS and I have no choice but to watch movies on my own. we dont eat together, dont go out anywhere, don't share anything common and I find myself very left out and not cared for. I have been very tempted to talk to people on chats but I am really not that kind of person who goes on chat. but lately I have been feeling very tempted to talk to other ppl and share about how my day went and things like that. when I do want to talk about it, I get told I dont want to hear anything, leave me alone. I dont know what to do. I definitely dont see myself living like this for the rest of my life.
I have asked him there is some one else and he denies it - I can hear him talking to his mates online - some times thinks he is talking to me, but he turns round and advises otherwise. I bring his dinner up to him and we tend to eat alone him upstairs on his pc and I am downstairs in the living room - he has a broken computer chair which he says I can sit on and watch him play but honestly I am not 17 any more I have a life, we used to enjoy doing things together - just got used to doing them myself and is hard to have him round too - but have made our house into my home and the though of leaving it fills me with dread and fear. - just have to get over that hurdle I guess xx thanks for the response back
did you make it clear that you were serious and suggested a separation? and did that help him want to talk at least?
I'm sorry, dear, but you do NOT have a relationship. You have a front row seat watching another person get into his addiction. (Yes, it IS an addiction when he keeps doing it in spite of knowing it causes problems between you two, yet, he keeps on doing it)
Do you really think he'd notice if you were gone. Oh yea, he might. There wouldn't be someone there to bring him his dinner (Did MOM do that for him?)
Stop enabling him to be rude and distracted. Don't use other men as a quick fix to this problem, either. Time to find another man who is able to pay attention to you.
I agree (for the benefit of both Jess and Gloomed) with Susiedqqq and with Wintersun's recommended method of taking an initial Baby Step.
Separation is one of those things that, in their minds, people are petrified of, when what they fear couldn't be farther from the truth. Take it from one who's been there and also knows too many others who've been there: Separation is a GODSEND!