I don't know what to do. Lesbian marriage issues
So...I'm married for the second this time, im prerty sure I did it right. The first was a mistake, something I did because it was what I should do. My wife is a good person, she does everything that she can to make me happy. And I want to be happy I do. But instead I feel trapped, and controled and unsafe. I think mostly that makes sense, but it doesnt seem right and I can't get over this terrible feeling I have all the time that there is something really wrong with me. I can't talk to her because she is very emotional and over thinks everything (she's a Cancer and im a Sagittarius) we have 4 kids, who are great but two are teenagers who like to test theor limits and the youger two are from my previous marriage and he the dad is still in the picture. So that is a fight as well. My wife is very possesive and gets jealous very easily.
I know that this is on me and the issues are mine but I dont know how to stop feeling like I do. Im here to ask for advice. Does anyone have any??
Thx ♡ Remmy
All successful relationships rely on a daily stream of communication and trust. Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship. If your gut is telling that all is not right, then you need to get your emotional wife to communicate her fears to you.
When you can state that you feel trapped and controlled then no wonder you feel unsafe. Two loving partners work instinctively to keep each others heart safe and if this is not happening, then your wife is basically indicating to you that she owns you and this perceived ownership is the real problem because that's where her insecurity is coming from and is contributing to her jealousy and possessiveness. Sure, she does everything to make you happy, but you are also paying a price for this happiness otherwise you wouldn't be here.
There is nothing wrong with you but it's obvious that you are in a challenging relationship which isn't making you feel wanted and needed, rather it's making you feel miserable and confused. You are questioning yourself and your sense of self worth because of your wife's insecurity. If you feel(or have ever felt) that you are walking on eggshells and that you constantly go out of your way to make your partner happy or you have do things her way to keep her happy, then you will eventually walk away because there is only so much a person can do to make a partner constantly happy, before it grinds them down.
It doesn't matter if you have teens in the marriage who push the limits(most of them do)or if your own 2 children's Dad is still there, the fact is that if your relationship was a two way street of love, trust and respect then your wife would be standing right beside you, assisting you to overcome any dramas and in turn would be contributing to a ever developing bond between the pair of you. It shouldn't be a fight, rather it should just one the of the continuous bumps in the marriage road which two people willingly smooth out with communication and co-operation.
Regardless, if you really feel the issues are yours then you need to be true to yourself and make some hard decisions as to what's best for you and your children because above all else, your children need you to be happy and healthy for them to be the same.
First let me say thank you Manalone for your guidance and assistance
I appreciate it so very much.
And there lies our main issue. I have communication issues. I bottle up everything and I mean everything. And ahe was to break every though and syllable. Because she is so emotional I have other concerns about speaking freely ontop of the issue that I hate talking about my concerns, I like to handle everything myself. (But I work myself into a helpless circle) so I know im the problem, I just dont know how to fix it and still keep a bit of my sanity too.
I'd like to suggest counseling for you two. ASAP, for sure.
Four kids CAN affect a marriage, especially in a blended family.
If the new wife is over emotional, jealous, possessive, and over analyzes everything (wow - classic controlling techniques) and you find it difficult to speak up, no wonder you feel overwhelmed and think that it's all your fault!
You are not happy. That comes thru your words.
If you want to hold this marriage together, then speak up and suggest family counseling.