To divorce or not?
To divorce or not. I have been married for almost 10 years now and we have a beautiful family.However, I have been dealing with the same issues for many years. We have a serious lack of communication, I am sexually neglected, he has broken my trust, and he's not very supportive of me. At times I feel he is so distant, unattached even.
I have discussed my issues many times with him and nothing has changed. He refuses to go to marriage counseling with me. My husband is a great father, but not a great husband.
I love my husband very much, I just don't know if love is enough anymore...
What to do?
I've lived this life. I understand being miserable and having guilt. Beacuse you appear to have the happy family, but you still arent getting what you need out of your marriage. Truth is if you're this miserable, the kids can feel it too.
At the end of the day if you've done everything in your power to make it work and communicate your needs, wishes/wants and he isnt reciprocating. Then in my opnion let it it go. Let him go, you can do bad on your own. You dont need someone in your ships drilling holes rather then rowing with you.
I too have lived this , much longer - sometimes wonder how, and from opposite as you being male, but this site has taught me lots of stuff about myself and I was basically on a huge ego trip and them much later got into serious trouble.
BUT she and our lovely family have stuck by me. I have changed - not easy. She won't take counselling now following my serious troubles although I tried to embrace it and then found this site. But when I was ego high in my other life I refused to take it when she recognised trouples caused by my many affairs and suggested it.
Maybe he has some serious worries and keeping them to himself. I can only suggest patience which you seem to have in bundles. Good luck.
Thank you so much for the advice.
How about YOU going to counseling?
You will have a chance to vent in a safe place and strengthen yourself for whatever comes next.
When my first marriage was a mess, I went to counseling by myself. I just told him I wasn't feeling well. I never mentioned his name or tried to lay blame anywhere. I was going to get myself feeling better.
I too have lived this.
10 year marriage, 3 kids.
In the end it was him that left but I should have done it a few years before. I felt guilty though - I couldn't break up my kids' home. I was bloody miserable the last 3 - 4 years of the marriage. He did me a massive favour by ending it.
That's easy for me to say now from the other side.
It depends how far gone it is. If you truly feel your marriage needs counselling and he won't co operate with that then how committed is he? I understand he may be reluctant however have you made it clear to him how close you are to ending it completely?
Whatever you do just know this - going it alone seems scary - and it feels like you would be letting your kids down. Neither of those things are true. I'm a better mum now than I ever was while I was married because I don't have a dysfunctional relationship sapping all my energy.
I would always say try to work it through if you can, but to do that requires both partners to be willing and able.