Okay so it seems I've gotten myself into quite the emotional dilemma over a girl. I am 23 years old and am the assistant manager of a business I have two employees that used to date, they recently broke up a couple months back and the girl started talking to me about their break up. In the beginning I was just there to be a shoulder to cry on a good friend, I had no intention of actually falling for this girl but that seems to be what happened, we talk almost everyday and it seems more and more I'm the last person she talks to before she falls asleep and possibly the first she talks to when she wakes up. With that being said I would like to say that she is planning on leaving the company we currently work at just throwing that out their so that I don't get a "dating an employee is bad" response but I have a few problems the first being that I am honestly not sure if she likes me in the way I like her, the ways she talks and acts would make me think so but I'm also afraid that it might literally be that she just wants someone to talk to the second issue I have is her ex boyfriend is also an employee of mine and were fairly good friends and I don't want to upset him because he is clearly still in love with this girl but should I be unfair to myself and just leave it alone? or should I take action and deal with the consequences? but how do I find out if she feels the same way I do? there are just so many variables!
Here is what I say. If she is your first/last thought everyday as well. Then life is too short to worry about all the consequences. We have one life, and like I said its short. You will NEVER please everyone, and why kill yourself trying??? I say if it feels good, and its an overwhelming feeling go for it and consequences be damned. ♡ Remmy ♡
I agree with Remmy. Life is short. Talk to her and see If she feels the same way first and then if you really care for her whatever answer she gives run with it. ❤
Yes, it's likely (highly, in fact) that she could just be desperate for the shoulder/elastoplast and, if having sensed your interest goes beyond shouldering, simply willing to pay the toll fee of allowing or encouraging you the entire time into believing there's something in it for you besides an altruistic warm glow. She might even have been the instigator on that score. You'd have to wait until she were a good two-thirds-or-more over this other guy to know whether she liked and fancied you independent of her giant need of you.
Lives lived in total disregard of consequences tend to quickly become those that feel as if they can't end quite soon enough. For example, are you perfectly happily willing to lose your male friend and employee, and to earn yourself a whispered reputation both at work and among your social circle as a back-stabbing, 'sl*ppy-seconds' vulture? That may not be how it is, but it could certainly be how it got told. And if you one day broke up with this woman non-amicably, that might well be how she decides in hindsight to spin it, as well (- "Well, I never really fancied him anyway, he just took advantage of me when I was needy and out for the count, and that, actually, nutshells him completely and utterly, mleugh!"). Trust me - I've heard that said a hundred times. Usually from the type that's irresponsible enough to wantonly ignore the fact that they know darn well even at the time that they are not even HALFWAY fit and recovered enough to be someone's girlfriend or for the relationship to go anywhere but TearsVille.
You've overlooked something else: This girl, to reiterate, is in a state of abject neediness and vulnerability. When in that state, they're not their usual self nor have their usual powers of good judgement (- mind constantly two-thirds engaged with still trying to work out what went wrong, etc.). They're also, note, a lot more meek, mild, acquiescent and, suffice it to say, all-round downright approval-seekingly agreeable than normal, as a cautious, cooperative measure. That's not a good foundation on which to build a house, meaning, it crumbling at some point not far enough down the line would be an inevitable. You might not like her quite as much once back to her normal au fait and assertive self. She could be a *right* bossy or difficult madam, normally, even if only behind closed doors. Dating her right now and before she's recovered enough, therefore, would be like test-driving a car with a temporary engine supplanted from another make and model of car entirely; you'd to a certain significant extent be getting to know and learning how to operate and handle a fallacy, an illusion.
Thirdly, if this ex of hers is your buddy then she might well be doing what the majority of people in her position are overly apt to do, which is, use you to make her ex sit up to attention and try to get her back out of jealousy and (what up until then USED to be friendly-) competitiveness. Particularly in light of your work statuses as puts him into an abnormally helpless position in terms of defending himself and fending off the humiliation (= behind your back to other people).
And how are you going to be able to relate to HIM the same way or even look him in the eye after she's given you all the uber-personal ins and outs, including sexual? EW! It could become tantamount to having had sex with him by proxy!
Also, were her grieving period lengthy enough (depending on how long they dated or how well a coper she is), the dynamic between you and she, particularly the power-share one, would get artificially cemented as you being the master/doctor/father/rescuer and her being the slave/patient/daughter/VICTIM. Hear Alanis Morissette describe it (euphemistically) from the point of view of 'in beyond the point of easy return': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRtOcpVUFtc.
That rescuer-to-victim set-up might sound appealing to those with an ego and/or background that can't handle equality and proper team playing in a one-to-one, but it in fact can get very tedious, to point of exasperating, when you find yourself saddled with someone who can never make even the simplest of decisions for fear of off-balancing you and the relationship too much to what was used to ("I don't mind, YOU say" City) or whom, out of being now locked into never daring to self-assert properly, reverts to constant passive-aggressive manipulation tactics with you (oh, ye gods, somebody hand you a noose).
Lastly, but not leastly: a relationship is like two kids sharing a see-saw. Master = up more than their fair share. Slave = almost constantly down. The healthy and FUN relationship requires equal position share. Obviously it would be a boring ride if you both sat level-pegged and never moving, so it has to go up-down-middle-up-down-middle... a fair share overall. If one of you is constantly up and one of you constantly down, although the illusion is one of superiority to inferiority,  that becomes as under-stimulating as stock-still in the middle and  guess which rider can get off at any time without giving any notice nor with any trouble at all -v- which one has to [a] JUMP and risk injury if they want down and off or [b] suddenly find themselves coming down at break-neck speed with high and painful impact (and potential paralysis) on their poor coccyx?
Such a seemingly little dilemma, and yet it holds such hidden depths. Still want to ignore or have to deal with those and more potential consequences?
Any worthwhile girlfriend of yours should not need you, just want you, with that level of desire then *developing* into an utterly convincing sense of need. Any girlfriend of yours should, at the outset, want you because of who you are and how you tick, not because you're someone-anyone with a specific but temporary purpose and because someone-anyone is better than nothing. A romantic relationship should be proof that a person has their ducks in a row, not a tool for *getting* them in a row.
L'Oreal (because you're worth it). (?)