I'm 19 years old and I don't have anyone to talk. My "family" is kind of strange. My mother abandoned me in my gran-aunt's house when I was 3 years old, my father never spent a day with me, abandoned me and my mother before I was born. My gran-aunt took care of me because my mom sent money from time to time, now that things got harder, she doesn't give a S** about me. My gran-aunt has 2 grandaughters, they don't like me, they offend me, hurt my feeling everyday. It includes my grand-aunt, she doesn't miss the chance of making me feel horrible. The saddest thing is I don't have anyone else to run to.My hole family despises me. My mom has 2 more daughters, she doesn't care about me, i tried to get close to her and runaway from here, but she doesn't want me.
Hurts so much this situation, sometimes i feel like dying. Most part of time I wish I was dead. No one would miss me anyway. I'm writing this, because It's too hard to keep it for myself. I just can't stand it anymore.
I just wish someone could save me from this.
Hi Litajett, I have some questions.
First, let me point out that you are by no means the first young lady (or man) in your horrid position as we speak, nor to come on here or any other forum to seek help about it. This, sadly, is far more common than you probably realise. And not just these days, either.
1. Why don't you have anyone to talk to? And, please define 'anyone'.
- Tweak to your thinking: Abandoned her role, not you. Abandonment would have been leaving you in a cardboard box outside the town hall. She transferred care of you to your Great Aunt. That says something.
2. What, were you ever told or given the impression of, were her reasons for doing that? Did your father's departure leave her homeless and/or peniless and needing to work full-time whereby she wouldn't have been in a position to take care of a baby?
3. How have things got harder?
4. What behaviour of your GA makes you so firmly believe she doesn't care about you?
5. In what ways do your cousins offend you and hurt your feelings? And do you mean, deliberately? Are they jealous of you for any reason you can think of and/or does the fact of you or you living with your GA stand in their way over anything? For example, could it be they believe their grandmother would give them more treats or money if she weren't supporting you like you were her own child?
6. Give me an example of GA not missing the chance to make you feel horrible?
7. Define 'whole family', i.e. how many members and what relationship to you they each have? And what would you say if you had to hazard a guess, was the reason each individual or the unit as a whole 'despises' you?
8. Do these 2, I presume step-sisters live with her? Are they older than you? What are their ages?
9. How do you know your mother doesn't want you? Did you have a conversation about it? If so, how did the conversation go, i.e. what exactly did you say and what exactly did she say in response?
10. In what ways did you try to get closer to her?
Yes, I imagine you do sometimes feel like dying. But if you think about it honestly, that's probably mainly to do with the fact that the attitude(s) of these people who are supposedly programmed to love you, and why they have them, isn't making any sense to you.
The world and the impact and alterations you today and tomorrow have on it (as causes more ever-increasing and -incrementing ripples than you at your young age will have realised) would miss you. Your current or future best friends would miss you. Your future boss and his staff would miss you. Your future soulmate-and-husband would miss you (horribly). Your kids that are waiting to be born would miss you (ditto). Their future kids, your grandkids, would miss you....
Don't judge yourself by one, tiny group of people's seeming opinion(s) of you. You don't get to choose what family you're born into. Great if you get given a brilliant one. But hell if not. Luckily, god/fate/mother nature/whatever provided a ready means to correct the balance, in the fact that you DO get to choose your friends.
11. Do you yourself like your family or any of them?
Lastly but most definitely not leastly:
12. Do you, you know for a fact or heavily suspect, have very similar looks and/or mannerisms, both in general and particularly facially, to your estranged father?
13. And why did your father abandon your mother (and was she already pregnant at the time)?
14. Does your mother and her aunt (your GA) and/or anyone or everyone else in that family tend to bad-mouth your father whenever the topic of him gets raised?
(Forgot to say: please preserve my numbering. Ta. :-))