Feeling regret after missed opportunity
Ok. I feel bad because I know others have bigger issues than mine. However, I suppose that doesn't hide the fact that it still hurts. A year ago today I was getting ready to study abroad in Oaxaca, Mexico for a semester. I was terrified. But, I still went. I always try new things first. Spanish and its cultures was my major in college. The restaurant I worked at held a fundraiser event to help me raise money to study abroad. The first few days was OK. There were other students like myself to hang out with. However, they left shortly after. I was alone for four weeks. Those four weeks, I felt so alone, depressed, and my anxiety was through the roof despite that I was taking my anxiety medicine.Then, I realized classes at home were starting soon and had to act fast. Most people said it was OK to come home and that no one will be upset with me. I left and used the money to attend classes at my home university. I felt so guilty and regretful for months after that. I still from to time. Now that I went to an event that led me to a series of successful interviews that will allow me to be a Spanish teacher at a local middle school. Keep in mind, too, that I live at home and I want to leave the craziness and drama that constantly occurs with my family. I want to finally live my life. I am a 26 year old male but I feel that I have done a disservice to my potential students. I plan to do a shorter Spanish immersion program next summer to make up for this regret. But, I still can't seem to shake this feeling sometimes and it prevents to be completely happy with myself. If anyone has any advice, similar experience, or any help to lend me, I would really appreciate it.
I think your WAY to hard on yourself. This was a new experience and you tried this, it turned out it was not a good fit for you. You will be a great teacher. No one wants someone to be in an environment that makes them unconfortable. This disservice would have been not to continue your studies which your almost completed. Own your decisons and keep it moving. STOP deweling on this GO TEACH!
Thank you so much SKINNYGIRL. I really appreciate it. It means a lot. I will definitely take your advice and try to forget and be the best teacher that I can be for my students. I will still try to find another immersion program for next summer just to fulfill my personal goal and improve my Spanish. I am always looking for ways to learn more. I will try to instill that in my students. For some reason, I think about once in a while and think too much. I always worry and think too much but I'm working on it. I am currently dating someone of Latino descent and very understanding and supportive in my studies. Thanks again!
Nice to hear from you!
Glad everything is going well for you.
I hear you having a guilt attack because people donated to you to experience immersion in that culture, and you "cut out" early. Hence, the anxiety when you were there ('Geez, what have I gotten myself into? I want to go home.")
Well, you did stay 4 weeks, but deep down, I think you NOW see that you lost some opportunity for more experiences.
But: YOU ARE NOW ABSOLVED FROM ANY WRONG-DOING!! (Is that what you want?) Really, you need to forgive yourself.
Try to relax and allow yourself to move on. Don't look over your shoulder so much.
PS you are really going to have to be more relaxed and accepting of things out of your control if you are going to be teaching. My husband taught history for 36 years. He realized he was not going to connect with EVERY child.
Thank you all for all your advice. I really appreciate it!!