My ex boyfriend wants to meet but he has a girlfriend. Does he want me back?
Ok, so my ex boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me nearly 3 months ago. It didn't end well, but we spoke again after a few days and everything was ok. After a few more days, he told me he didn't want contact with me because he needed to figure out what he wanted to do, which I respected.
After a few weeks, he met a girl and started dating her. They jumped into bed with each other very quickly and have now been together over a month. I heard all of this through mutual friends, and from seeing them both together.
But, last night, he messaged me on Facebook out of the blue saying that he wanted us to talk and sort things out if I wanted to. I replied that I was ok with that (I don't want to seem desperate). We then exchanged a couple of messages to arrange a time, but I work daytime and he works evenings, so I suggested giving him my number so we could sort it out easier. We then texted each other for a very short time. We were just talking about our new phones and what type of contract we had. He then said he had to go as he needed sleep as he is going away to help a friend move house. I said that he could text me about meeting up whenever and to take care and I said 'Night'. He then replied 'Same for you. Night'.
I know it's only small talk and too soon to tell, but if he has contacted me, that means he has been thinking of me. Does he just want to be friends or is he looking to rekindle? I'm still in love with him, but I don't want to be pushy, so any advice on how I can slowly attract him would be great. Any questions are welcome xx
What reason did he give for breaking up with you?
Personally I wouldn't recommended rekindling anything at all while he has a new girlfriend - that's just a recipe for heartbreak - yours. You say you are still in love with him so how is this communication going to help you.
Option 1 - he only wants to be friends - result is that you have to watch him with another woman - that's soul destroying. There are millions of people you can be friends with - a recent ex isn't one of them.
Option 2 - he wants to be romantically involved with you again - WHY DOES HE HAVE ANOTHET GIRLFRIEND THEN?
If he wants to have his cake and eat it then it again results in heartbreak for you.
I don't like this situation at all as it stands.
If he contacts you again - I would find out what he wants from you - I.e friendship, friends with benefits or back together properly.
It seems like he has realised the grass isn't greener on the other side. It's not very flattering to you though is it? That he went of looking for something "better". Hmm I suppose it depends on the circumstances of your relationship.
What was the relationship like before you broke up? Were you happy? Was it a shock when he ended it? Were you arguing a lot? Were there other stresses going on in your lives?
"I don't like this situation at all as it stands."
Ignoring the blah-blahs and examining only the actions, I can picture the scene...... He and his new gf have had a fight or she's p*ssed him off somehow and shaken his faith.... He starts thinking the worst - his case, that he's going to become completely gf-less (no sh*gs-on-tap)... so to prepare for that worst, or in case he needs to pull you in to make new gf jealous, he attempts to see if YOU could be resuscitated.
So there you are, chatting away, when, suddenly, he has to go. And note he strangely failed to strike whilst the iron was hottest by stating, or rather ASKING if you and he can continue the conversation the very next night (actions!). *You're* the one who has to suggest it. And even then, he throws it straight back at you, meaning, No, I am not going to be the instigator, but you can always try your luck (if you get bored and nonplussed whilst waiting).
(That lack of action says it all, IMO.)
What are you - Tarzan to his Jane? That's odd, isn't it? He can initiate, even completely out-of-the-Blue, perfectly easily last night but can't commit to doing so again tomorrow or the day after... or on ANY named night? ...despite he would seem to be indicating he wants to rekindle or at least be friends?
In other words, new gf suddenly re-emerged holding an olive-branch. And at that moment, you then reverted to being superfluous to requirements.
So to answer your end question, like Super Sarah, I believe he's doing what your non-gentlemanly men do, which is, trying to USE you. Tell him I said, 'Faaaaaa*k oooooofff, you AND yer mates!".
I have literally just found out that he is not with his girlfriend anymore. Not sure how long they haven't been together...
.. . So now, YOU have become the rebound woman?
He has NOT been assertive in re-connecting with you. It sounds like you are an "after thought" to him.
But we don't know what's in his head, do we?
PS WHY do you still love him? He dropped you and replaced you in a nano-second. Now he's doing the same with her.
oh geez. It sounds like he may have realized he made a huge mistake breaking up with you. Find out who broke up with who- maybe he broke up with her because he missed YOU and wanted to try things with you again. hear him out. people make mistakes, if you guys had a good relationship - which I'm assuming it probably went okay and you were close, since you dated for three years.. Depending on how old you guys are he may have been thinking he wasn't sure what he wanted to do. My current boyfriend is my first ever anything, even first kiss, and I think sometimes what if I broke up with him and tried other people just to see what it's like- but in my heart I always think I would go back to him. Maybe he was thinking he wanted to see how it would be with someone else for a little bit, especially since he dated you for so long, just to confirm how he felt about you. I'm absolutelyyyy not saying if he cries to you saying he misses you etc. to give in immediately, but hear him out and see what he's feeling. If you guys have a good love, you don't want to lose it. Even if he was an idiot in the first place..
I agree with Soulmate, His actions don't appear that he really wants to really come back. I would hear him out, you seem like would want him back before really knowing WHY he want you back. Is he just "in-between" women right now? Why did he and this girl break up?. Until you get some of these answers I think he may be using you.
Yup. But I don't even need to hear these answers because he's in actual fact already given them:
Mistake is as mistake *does*. If a man's bait manages to make you, the fish, bite, to the point where he can start reeling you in then, if that man GENUINELY wants that fish because the last time he had it on his line he let it escape or even deliberately threw it back into the water - no WAY does he do what this boy did during that nighttime reeling-in exercise, which is, abandon mission in the minutes before success by dropping his rod on the grass and walking away without having given any indication of intention to pick it up again the next day.
You do that and the fish either dies from being kept in a position where it can neither fend for nor feed itself or somehow manages to wriggle free and be lost to you, the fisherman, all over again (and this time probably for good).
Pure logic and not rocket-science to achieve.
Mistake is as mistakes does which he did not do. He did the opposite.