PeoplesProblems Logo

We're in a viscous cycle he's pulling away and I can't handle it

Default profile image
I don't doubt that he loves me, I am however starting to doubt that he wants to be with me. We meet almost seven years ago and spent about 5 of those keeping things on a friendly flirting basis. A little over two years ago we discovered that we actually like a lot of the same things and have a similar outlook on life and the flood gates opened. We have been pretty much inseparable from the first time we went fishing together (one of our common joys). after a few visits to my family out of state we decided to pick up and move to be closer to them and help with their business. I see his moving with me as a huge statement about his feelings but I can't help but wonder if he regrets it. Especially with his actions when we're alone. He talks as if we'll be together forever then acts as if he's gonna leave tomorrow. This causes a lot of insecurity on my part which causes him to pull away which in turn causes more insecurity within me (see where this is going?). I guess I don't know what to do at this point because every time I decide to act as though I'm not scared and try to do the things I know used to work for him and try to show him that the care free girl is still in there somewhere, he doesn't even seem to notice and I feel rejected.
I know this is all a bit confusing and hard to understand but I'm having a lot of trouble keeping my thoughts straight, I need advise, I need someone to help figure this out before I lose my mind. I hope to marry this man some day and give him the family he was afraid he'd never have but I'm afraid misunderstanding will break us before I have the chance

We're in a viscous cycle he's pulling away and I can't handle it

Default profile image
Regardless of your relationship's history, if your head, heart and gut line up, then it's all good. When they are out of sync, then you listen to your gut because it's your instinct that will guide you when you're in doubt.

You both need to communicate to each other what you both fear and what you both need. If he can't see any light at the end of the tunnel, then he needs to explain to you why. He has issues, but your challenge is to get him to be honest about these issues. You both need to be on the same page for your relationship to move onto marriage successfully and when you state you try to do the things that you know used to work for him, you need to ask yourself why those things stopped. What has changed? Realistically, you need to go back to where you guys made a decision to relocate to assist your family. If this decision was mutual without hassles, then ask yourself where that communication and co-operation has gone.

One things for sure, you may have no doubt that he loves you, and I'm sorry, but if this man truly loved you, he would be doing everything in his power to keep you.

We're in a viscous cycle he's pulling away and I can't handle it

Default profile image
are you two even dating? like boyfriend/girlfriend or just friends...?

We're in a viscous cycle he's pulling away and I can't handle it

Default profile image
We are dating. The boyfriend/girlfriend titles came along on their own but we both understand that we are in a relationship.

We're in a viscous cycle he's pulling away and I can't handle it

Default profile image
Hi, What are his actions that don't match up with his words? what does he do to cause you doubt in how he really feels?

We're in a viscous cycle he's pulling away and I can't handle it

Default profile image
He's lost that lovin' feelin'. But in all seriousness, he doesn't tell me I'm beautiful anymore, he doesn't want to cuddle anymore which before he wouldn't let me fall asleep without his arms around me. I have to ask for hugs or kisses and half the time get denied. He's always "too tired" to have sex or he says his back hurts and when we do end up in bed together I don't feel the passion and his want/need to please me anymore. it's just such a drastic change from what we had before that I can't adjust to it. He used to take ant chance he could and now it feels like he avoids it. I've read pretty much everything online about "how to spice up your love life" or " make him want you" and "sexting 101" but nothing I've tried seems to work. I do try to talk to him about it because we've always been very open and honest but the subject gets changed or I'm told that I'm being stupid and that "you know better than that" but now that's just starting to make me feel like my feelings are being dismissed and that he doesn't care that I'm sad.

We're in a viscous cycle he's pulling away and I can't handle it

Default profile image
You're not stupid so stop pretending youre reading him wrong. He's telling you how he really feels. Accept it and be real with him. Tell him that the drastic change between you two is obvious and that you're not willing to continue this relatonship in the direction it's going. Listen to what he has to say, and if it's the old" your crazy" nothing wrong" crap, I would make the decision to end the relationship. Perhaps you loved him more than he liked you.

We're in a viscous cycle he's pulling away and I can't handle it

Default profile image
Its possible that he just lost perspective. From my own experience: I loved a girl deeply, but with time I forgot to apreciate her and we ended up breaking up because I could never see all the wrong things I was doing. Maybe he just needs you to talk and make him realize what he's doing and what he can loose if he doesn't make an effort.
I acted a bit as you described that he acts so it possible that it might be a similar issue.
Good luck, really.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-2