I’m 31 my husband is 29, married 11 yrs. 2 children. Our relationship has been a rocky from the moment I fell pregnant 6 years ago. He’s been having an emotional affair with another woman for 5 years and to date denies having any contact with her yet I found proof numerous times. Apart from that he drinks and becomes violent to me, he refuses to let go of that single life of late nights with friends etc. although he says he’s totally committed to me his actions speak otherwise. I am very independent financially though tend to beg for his love. I’ve always been one to take the hurts and pain very deeply, and has worn me down emotionally, he has extreme lack of empathy over the obvious pain he has inflicted on me. Whenever things get really bad between us we have a sit down and talk things through and agree we will both make changes, this only lasts a few weeks until everything’s back to square one again, it’s like a vicious cycle. I feel very deprived heartbroken and unhappy. Can I recover from this? I am so extremely lonely, but so much wish for him to fill the void that he just won’t. I know you may think I’m being naive and foolish to stay with a man that treats me this way but I’m so in love with him and can never imagine how I would live without him. What can be done? Thanks
Please share with us what he is or does that he deserves your loyalty and love?
I'm not getting it . . .
He is my husband and we have shared many good years together apart from the bad and I am totally in-love with him, I know you might think that i sound clingy naive and foolish to still be staying in a marriage like this or be loyal to him but its just how I feel, I cannot help the way I feel. I feel so desperate for his love and attention that its driving me insane. I have tried so many different angles to adjust myself to make him happy hoping he will change but like i said nothing last too long until everything starts all over again. how can i make him love me and respect me the way he used to before? what am i doing wrong? please tell me...
I really need to know what to do to make or influence him in changing his ways as i really want to save our marriage and have a happy peaceful home with love. what am i doing wrong? what should i be doing? please can someone help me... this situation is driving me insane
Low self esteem from one partner and emotionally abusive actions from another partner don't mix well.
The fact that you ask "What am I doing wrong/" says volumes.
Unless you have it clear in your mind just what unacceptable behavior from a husband is, and are able to stand up for yourself, there's not much anyone can offer as advice.
But here goes: How about counseling for just YOU? You don't seem happy.
what are you saying? are you suggesting I leave my husband because his actions are unacceptable? dont you think from all that i have said that i know this. i have 2 small kids and want to make this marriage work not only because i love him but because i dont want my kids growing up in a broken home. im asking for advise on how to deal with his actions and make him change not to be judged. yes i have a low self esteem can you blame me after all this man had put me through. is it so easy to just throw away 11 years of my life with him. is it wrong to want to have a happy and peaceful family life? i have tried counselling it didnt work
"are you suggesting I leave my husband because his actions are unacceptable?"
Let's review your first post about him:
it's been a rocky relationship
emotional affair with other woman for 5 YEARS!!
Violent when drinking
won't give up single life (what's that mean, anyway?)
lack of empathy for others
won't respond to your loneliness
I am sure there are other "character flaws" he has that you have not listed.
You love an unloving person.
PS: This must be a very stressful environment for the small children.