I have problems with my mother
I decidedto post this today because I don't know who else to talk to. My problems been build up for several years now. Ever since I was a kid my mom would call me fat. It wasn't really a problem until my teenage years when doing so infront of people starts to vecome embarrassing. I talked to her multiple times which all results in me crying, her saying I was insulting her, and me being force to apologize.
Let me describe this when it is all still fresh. Today I started getting teary eyed when my mom start comparing me to my skinnier sister (again) and she saw that and kept pressuring me to say why I was crying. I knew it wasn't going to end well so I didn't reply, but she kept guessing to the topic of my tutoring, so instead of letting my tutor get the blame I said that wasn't it. She kept saying I could talk to her and tell her anything so I crack (again). I told her I didn't like her comparing me to my sister and she said she never did. She wouldn't let it go, so I told her honestly that I don't like it when I try on clothes and she said it looks gross because I look fat then she said if I was going to think about every little thing then let's just not be mother and duaghther anymore and left. I knew it wasn't going to end well when she ask me but she kept pressing the issue. I haven't apologize today yet and I don't want to but I know I probably have to because she never apologize.
This has been going on a few years now ever since I started to care what people think about me. It's a cycle and i don't know when or how it will end. Either i stop apologizing and we really stop talking since i'm going to college next year or I kept apologizing till I am older and just couldn't take it anymore until our relationship fades out anyway. I don't want it to happen but I don't know what to do, I can't even talk to her. When my dad talks to my mom she gets mad at both him and me. She's never wrong. My dad just told me to talk to him and not her but how can I when we live in the same house? That may work now but what about in the future when I can live apart from her and won't be force to see her anymore?
Based on the information you have given I don't understand what you have to apologise for?
1) she shouldn't be comparing you unfavourably to your sister
2) she definitely shouldn't be calling you fat
She's your mother - she's meant to be encouraging and nurturing not discouraging and undermining your self esteem.
If you have always asked her not to do that and she has still continued then that's abusive as far as I'm concerned. She's supposed to be your role model, the person whose love and admiration you can rely on unconditionally. Doesn't she realise that by saying these things to you damages your self worth? If she truly is oblivious to that then surely the fact it reduces you to tears would be enough to show her?
I think this part of your relationship is toxic and damaging and if she really can't accept responsibility for her words and do something to change it then maybe you will be better off without her.