My dad won't talk to me for nothing
I am a 24 year old asian woman. in our culture it is customary to seek permission from parents before getting engaged. so, my boyfriend of 8 years and I decided to talk to our parents about our engagement , as we are planning to get married by the end of this year.
i thought that both of our parents knew each other for a long time, so my parents would love if I married him. But astonishingly, I was wrong. I was flatly told by my father that they expected better from me, and if I would marry him, then he won't be involved in this wedding.
I asked him what the problem is, why wouldn't he give us his blessing.
as a stereotypical asian father, he plainly told me that as I am a doctor, I could have married another doctor or a person with a six-figure salary. And he also doesn't like my boyfriend's parents. "Why? You used to hang out together" I said. But he didn't give any valid reason for his dislike.
Tantrums were thrown both from his part and mine, voices were raised, but he didn't clarify why he is so adamant about this. My mother tried to subdue us both, but without any avail. She supported me, but told me to have patience.
Now my dad is refusing point blank to talk to me. I am staying in my parents' home for three months before my internship, but my dad even don't ask me to pass the salt in dinner table. Like we are strangers living in the same house.
I might add, I am in excellent terms with my boyfriend's parents. They have invited me in their house several times and I love them.
I already decided about my future. I am going to marry my boyfriend no matter what, whether my father likes it or not. But it's my father's behavior that's depressing me. I have always tried to live upto my father's expectations, I never did drugs at school, worked hard and even went onto medical school. I don't know what went wrong there.
Your father is being unfair to you - and not being honest.
Tell him that unless he has compelling evidence that this man is not good for you, then it is just his OPINION that he is not deserving of marriage with you. You have to decide if "cultural customs" are really valid.
Has you BF spoken to your father about how he plans to take care of you and what he brings to the future union? (yes, that IS something a father wants to hear, in spite of your potential earnings)
Your father does not realize that the more he pushes, the closer YOU get with this BF.
Is there another adult (not mom) that can act as intermediary in a discussion with your father and you AND this BF, who should be trying his best to impress your father?
(And be very sure that this BF does not become your "forbidden fruit" - a way for you to show your independence to your father. You don't want to regret your actions in 2 years.)
thanks for replying.
i am absolutely sure about this guy, as we are both in love with each other since high school days. and no, he is not some forbidden fruit to break my father's reign.
one thing i deliberately omitted from my first post is that, my father already spoke to me about some "potential suitor" and expected me to fall in the trap of so-called "arranged marriage" which I really hate.
No, my father doesn't want to talk to BF, as he thinks it is out of the question.
My father said to go ahead with this marriage but he won't be a part of it. When I heard him saying that, I was really upset but now I am thinking what the hell, I will invite everyone in my wedding except him.
I did not talk to any other adult because I thought it is my personal decision, but now I think I have to.