I have been dating the same guy for more than 2 years now. We broke up a year ago because I unfortunately cheated on him under the influence. When we weren't together I did see other people, he doesn't know that. But he also saw other girls to "get back" at me. He says I shouldn't be upset about it, but it does make me upset.
We started officially started dated in the past 5 months or so. He had a girl over to his house two months ago and I found out about it when there were two missed calls on his phone from a girl. I decided to message her and ask her and she explained it all. He skipped school and had her over. Apparently all they did was cuddle but he did try to kiss her and she also sent me texts of him saying he would have sex with her and stuff. It was only like a two week thing but we were dating. I have been completely faithful this whole time.
He doesn't let me see his phone, he didn't before and he still really doesn't let me see it. He takes his phone to the bathroom. He acts nervous when I even look at his phone to get the time. The first time we dated he used to always snapchat other girls and I never really knew what to do about it. He can be really mean and pushy about sex &things and we are both still in highschool, he's a year younger than me too.
He thinks he can go out and party with his friends but I have to stay at home bc I cheated under the influence. He is very negative about almost all of my friends. He wants to see my phone but will not let me see his? I told myself I would be done after he cheated this past time because he has such double standards? If a guy texts me he becomes unglued and automatically says im cheating and I can't even talk to other guys at all because he is so jealous, but he can do whatever he wants and hide things. He swears it won't happen again & it was because I had texted two guy friends about something. He has also hit me before but not in the face, just in the arms and legs. I just don't see this turning out into a healthy relationship but I'm not sure what to do, or how to end it. And I have a problem with feelngf lonely sometimes too & it's like I have to have him or I feel so alone.
Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated !
You cheated on him and, even after he called a break, continued to cheat on him.
If he cheated on you to get back at you - is that why you did it first both separate times?
This smacks of Tweedledee (you) and Tweedledum (him). Only, you can't suddenly decide to bring the battle to a halt just because *you've* managed to get your two strikes in already and he hasn't. Hence there's you thinking the battle's over, but he's taking his turn to strike back. Plus, since you dealt your missiles during what he thought of as peace time, that'll be why he's got to do his in this second bout of peacetime. Otherwise it's not Even Stevens, is it.
Only... your missiles WEREN'T the first, were they (ref his snapchatting).
So what we have here is him having started it (with relationship-threatening, insecurity-making behaviour), you having reacted and batted back (to make him even more insecure than he'd made you), him not being satisfied with Even Stevens so adding yet more missiles.
Winning the battle means more to him than having you or any girlfriend.
DAMN right he has double standards. And he's highly immature and abusive (same thing). I don't care if he hit you in the ruddy HAIR-DO whereby you didn't feel a thing except for a rush of air! Inability to control his inner gorilla is the point (and gorillas are dangerous animals). However, saying that, if he's managing to pick his body-part target like that (in order that any bruising won't be instantly noticeable by others) then he is not Red-Mist-ed and has enough cognition and control. So he is just an abusive/highly immature little tw*t (with you responding by getting down to his level rather than walking away), meaning, this is a toxic relationship.
What do you mean you're not sure how to end it? Because you'll feel alone? So what are you saying? If you were starving you'd rather eat dog-poo off the pavement than get a part-time in order to afford enough food for yourself?
Listen, if you're tolerating a toxic relationship even at this young an age then what you are doing is letting this whole exercise in How Not To slowly but steadily erode your healthy boundaries, meaning, you'll approach the next relationship with not enough or half-mast boundaries. These boundaries or taboos if you prefer, as part of your self-preservationist package are precisely what get set off like an alarm in your head if ever someone tries to climb over or crash through them. No working alarms? No alert system as prevents any incoming insults from going unnoticed and dealt with befittingly. You'll end up a total doormat.
Is THA'WOTCHOO WANT (cuz tha's whaddle 'appen)!?
Dump the dud. And then sing along with Whitney: "I'd rather be a-lone than un-ha-ppy". And sing it loud... because it's actually just a temporary anthem. Because a happier, more confident woman will more easily start to attract friends AND a likewise happy, confident man. I.e. ONE WITH NO ANTI-RELATIONSHIP PERSONAL ISSUES.
Being alone and lonely is to finding a great relationship partner and friends like being bored is to kids activating their imaginations and finding something engrossing to do. A natural springboard.
I do not want to be stepped on like a doormat by any means. After I cheated, I realized how much it changed him and now I know how awful it makes you feel after it happens to you, no matter what type of cheating it was.
After we broke up, we still talked and it was like we were still basically together. We would hang out a lot still and text. He never said he would get me back or anything & I didn't even think he would. He told me over text on thanksgiving that he had slept with two other girls to get back at me and I didn't believe it for awhile, and honesrly I didn't even care for awhile. I still went out and stuff. He slowly started to control what I did & who I hung out with because he said he would be done. He definitely didn't want people to know we were together & he still really doesn't becuase he said it's embarrassing, but it drives me crazy. It's been more than a year. I don't like hiding my significant other.
I thought maybe things would get better and it wouldn't be like this forever. But it's been awhile and it's my last year of highschool. I don't want someone bossing me around at all. I never stand up to him, and I've been thinking lately that something has to change.