Hi everyone. I really need some advice on how I can deal with my problem. I've been with my wife 7 years now, we got married about a year ago and bought a house together 2 years before that.
The first 4 years we dated her older sister was in a very negative relationship (drug use involved) with some guy. I didn't really know them because they were never around. During this time her sister gained a lot of weight and lost a lot of confidence. She stopped doing drugs but she's constantly complaining about things she could fix but does nothing about such as weight loss, not having a bf, being a loser, having no money, and also being nearly 30 and living with her parents. My wife and her parents enable her so bad. When we re out to dinner her parents talk to her like she's a little kid "aw, do you want cake? Do you want a drink? What else do you want?" I get all they are trying to do is make her happy in that moment but it's adding to the very problems that makes her unhappy.
So my problem is that she's at my house legit 80-90% of my nights off drinking wine around my house and it's driving me fucking insane. I'll have company over to watch fights or a football game and 15 minutes in here she comes to destroy the good vibes in the house. I can't handle it anymore and my wife says she ll do something to stop it but all we ll do is avoid her for one weekend and then she's around again. I've been hanging out with my wife in the yard grilling for dinner and she ll show up and try to go shopping or somewhere else right in front of me like I'm not there. My wife is starting to deflect my complaints about her as if they are my problems and I'm being a dick but it's literally draining my good energy. What do I do?!
I should add in that a major problem it's causing for me is my close friends don't want to come over when she's her because she casts such a negative cloud over the room. I also know it's my wife's sister and she feels bad for her. But she doesn't seem to feel bad for me that I work hard all week and am constantly being forced to hang out with her sister every night off. It's upsetting to say the least.
"But she doesn't seem to feel bad for me that I work hard all week and am constantly being forced to hang out with her sister every night off."
Baby's needs come first. Daddy has to be a grown-up and WAIT. (Naughty daddy.)
(- Her perception)
If she had a real baby she wouldn't be playing dollies using her sister (she who is now an expert at the role). Don't get me wrong - a part of her does genuinely want to help like a close sister would. Course. But what I'm saying is, she wouldn't be going to the lengths she's going to if she had a real live baby of her own.
Let's tell it like it is: You've been with your wife for ONE year now. Two years prior, you and she were cohabiting boyfriend and girlfriend. The previous four years, you and she were just steady daters (aka bf and gf). But you've indeed been close with this woman, in one form or another, for 7 long years. You've test-driven her as a potential mother to your offspring perfectly thoroughly enough.
So what are you waiting for?
Your alternatives are talking to her again/properly to get it through her skull how badly this is affecting you or to allow yourself to need her more and to be SEEN to need her more, whereupon 'newborn baby's needs will come first and older toddler will have to WAIT'. However, your pride probably wouldn't let you put up with that for very long.
So I repeat - what are you waiting for?
It's clear what *your wife's* waiting for.. or rather, can't wait for. (Well, is now, anyway.)
(However, if you now turn around and tell me that your wife claims not to want or not to be ready for kids then I'd have to respond to that with, evidence says ROT.)
PS: No, you're not being a dick. She is and her sister is.
your sister inlaw is selfish and your wife is clearly not interested in listening to what you have to say, thats not good at all. she is supposed to listen to you and address whatever concerns you may have. you need to speak up and tell the little moody sister inlaw in little snide remarks how she tends to come around alot. suggest a few places she could go to find other people.
better yet next time she comes tell your wife you need the house alone and ask if she doesnt mind taking her lttle toddler sister out while you have your friends over. and stop keeping wine at home, you are encouraging her to come and finish up your supplies.
tell your wife again and if she doesnt listen then you need to accept it and make a decision as a man. if your wmoman wants you to be happy she needs to make a choice. tell her to have her sister come once a week. simple as that...