Trapped in marriage
Married for 45 years...I am 63 yrs... a young looking 63...Husband was a porn addict & womanizer, and even made a pass at our adopted daughter...< I just learned about that!...Have 3 grown married children.I have put up with so much emotional stress for years.We attended Church where he was a Sunday School teacher and we have even been to Marriage counseling...however it was at our Church and the Pastor did NOT believe me about my Husband. He had everyone fooled and denied everything all through the years...I ended up looking like the emotional hormone deficient wife. I filed for divorce several times but he would always cry and beg for me not to leave...and at that time around 2004...I still loved him and wanted things to get better.He has even stolen my jewelry and I found out he gave it to a secretary...one of many.....that he was in affair with. I finally was able to leave him when my Father passed away in 2011... I moved into my Dads home and had a new life until......2012...when my husbands boss called me to tell me something was wrong with him and he needed to see a DR. I had no communication with my husband for months but I did call & tell him I needed to take him to a Dr so we did................He has Alzheimers...He is 67... The first thing my kids said was...Oh, you know what that means...? You are going to have to move back in with him and take care of him...we can't...so I felt bad for him & did...It has been Hell.I came back & had to clean out all the filthy porn movies and magazines and throw it away.... He had thrown a lot of my clothes away...to make room for his porn...I need to add that for the last 15 years I had been living in one bedroom & he in another.... It was kinda like "War of the Roses" movie so we really had NO relationship for years. I became afraid to get close with him because I never knew what he was doing or who he might be with.....anyway.....I am living in torture like no one would ever understand. I feel violated in my own home& dirty...He was always good at being a chameleon..At Church...he could fit right in...but when we got home or elsewhere he was a jerk and an immoral man... I am trapped here...sold my home in town to get $ to fix the home we are in now...and I have NO $ to even have him in a facility when he gets really bad...I am his caregiver 24/7 with NO relief and I hate the site of him.....I am back in the same situation before I left in 2011...me living in a bedroom and him in the other end of the house...He is in stage ? don't really know...but they said Moderate to Severe Alz. I hate my life , I have been given a death sentence...and I see myself dying here after years of taking care of a sickening jerk and pervert that I can't stand the site of! I have prayed for a way to get out of this but it leaves me with NO $...I am stuck and miserable...!
Sorry to hear about this and please do not take this the wrong way but i feel that your kids are selfish, they expect you to deal with all the emotions and live with a man who has broken your trust several times. that is so unfair. i understnd you do not have money but do you realise that you cannot waste the rest of your life caring for someone who didnt make the changes you so wanted from him. Lets be honest here, he only called you back because he was ill and nothing else, he knows you are the only woman who will deal with all he has to dish. whilst i commend you for having a big heart i must be honest with you, you will not live forever. so why are you spending your life with a man who made you so miserable? my dear,if you dont mind helping him then you have to make peace with helping him and build a life outside carinf for him, you can make friends online and make plans to do things and you need to call your children and ask them to take some responsibility. i do not understand why they cannot come together and pay for a carer for him to relieve you for a few hours. to be honest they should have a carer with him 24hours a day and leave you with the decision of going to stay there. This man did not respect you and as much as i pity him, i do not feel that he would have cared for you if he found another woman to tolerate the lifestyle he had. from the information you have given, i feel that he is manipulating you and its as simple as that. you need to get some counselling to express how you feel, you need to heal and make time for yourself. Ask yourself... if i were in the same situation will he be there for me? from what you have told us on here , i doubt it. your kids need to put in more and stop giving you all the stress to deal with. you are human as well and there are people who will appreciate you. dont live your life for your kids or husband, you have done an amazing job being there for them. i hope you make the decision to live for yourself. 45years of marriage is enough sacrifice!
No. It's not a death sentence. Hang in there - He'll go before you do.
I do have to commend you for taking care of him - even though he was/is a living, breathing turd. Hind sight is 20/20.