My wife and I know each other for over 12 years, started dating 11 years ago and we been married for 9 years. While our relationship has never been perfect I do love my wife. I have to tell the story for the beginning since I think there were some unresolved issues that probably I dealt with since we started dating. I was married when my wife and I started dating, she knew about, my previous marriage was pretty much over and I was just waiting for my wife to move out the apartment since it was on my name so I can move out too. While this was going on in my life I asked my current wife what was going on with a guy that we knew from work since a few people knew that there was something going on between my wife and I and had told me they knew she was living with this guy. She told me they were just friend. I chose to believe her instead of other people and move along with the relationship. After our first date we went out for breakfast the next morning to find this guy sitting in his car across from the restaurant that we went to breakfast. This became a huge problem she finally confess that they were more than friend, for year I struggle to find more and more stuff about this guy including that she still was talking to him while we were dating even though she knew how I felt about it.
Fast forward 5 years, we were going through some issues together and I cheated on her with 2 different women for a few months. I asked for forgiveness and she decided that she wanted to be with me. I knew she have not forgiven me but we move forward with our relations ship. From time to time she brings up specific detail of my mistakes even when we are not even fighting which it makes me feel bad.
Fast forward to the present, due to my current job I been relocated to another state and I visit my family at least once a month when I can take vacation and every holidays that I get 3 days off I visit. Last month I took a few days off and I went to visit my family, during this few day my wife asked me what do I think about us going on our separate ways, she believes that we are not happy and that we are only together for the kids and she does not want to wait until the kids are out the house to find out that we are not meant to be together. This was very surprising to me since we were not even fighting at this point or anything it was a very settle conversation like we were planning to go the restaurant or something. This conversation continues even after I left, I continue to tell her that I wanted to be with her even though she kept rejecting me. Finally she accepted my proposition on keep working on our relationship but she told me it was all up to me. She said she has tried for 9 years and that everything that she tried has fail so it was up to me to make this marriage work. A week after she tells me she is going to a friend’s house to watch a movie this happens around 6pm and I do not received a text until 1230am from her work phone saying “phone died” I do not receive anything else until the next morning and she asked me why I didn’t reply to her good night text. I told her that I only received the text that said “phone died”. This made me upset. She explained that after the movie she left the house with a girl and talked for an hour or so about issues that the girl has. So I took that into consideration and left it alone. A week later she tells me that the girl that she was talking to is coming over to the house while the kids are away with their grandmother to help her clean a little bit the basement. I said ok, they ende up cleaning and watching a movie. The following morning my wife had to go pick up the kids early from their grandmother’s house, I asked what she was doing and she mentione that her, the kids, and the other girl were going out. Because it was early in the morning I assumed that the girl spend the night in our house.
The following weekend is 4th of July weekend so I get to go home. On Thursday night I watched a movie with my wife and she spend the night texting this girl, on Friday my wife told me that the girl slept in our bed with her, the same day we went to watch a kids movie the girl happens to come to watch the movie with us, she is not marry nor has any kids so not sure why would she want to come to watch a movie with use. My wife explained that the kids asked her to come with us. On Saturday she spend the entire day texting this girl. I had some suspicious about what is going on and I was pretty upset, my mind was going crazy trying to put this together of what had happen during the past few week. At the end of the night on Saturday I got into an argument with my mother in law. We went home that night me and my wife didn’t speak at all. The next morning we do not talk but I know that my wife already made plans to meet with this girl after she drops me off at the airport. I’m aware that my wife has some adult toys and I was aware of their specific locations. Since I know where they were I checked the night stand and to my surprise the toys had been move and they were all in one location plus a found a new toy. I knew if I confronted her was going to turn really bad so I decide to wait until I left. When I confronted her she denied it and told me that the toys were all there in the same spot that she haven’t touch them. I asked about the new toy she tells me that her boss (male) gave her the toy. After long discussions the following day she tells me that she showed the toys to the girl, I asked if she show them to her while they were in bed together and she did not denied it. We have been arguing about this for over a week now. She says that I’m accusing her of cheating on me because I’m cheating on her, she accuse me of buying a cruise ticket which I show her it was a plane ticket from one the trips that I went to see her but the website that I bought the ticket from has the name of cruise vacations. She tells me that she asked people about the situation and that everyone says that I’m cheating on her. During the confrontation about this girl I told her that I downloaded her text messages and I was going to read them. We share a phone account so she decide to change the password of the account which I received a text letting me know of this, deleted all of her text message and cancel my phone line. When I asked why she did all this she told me she did it because she texted other friends about some personal stuff and about us and she did not want me to see it. To me all these things that she has done in the course of the past month scream at me that she is doing something behind my back and she will tell me. She tells me she is just a friend that has many problems but I heard that story before form her and I believe I will find more stuff in the next few month that she has not told me about it. This is not to mention that she though it was funny to receive an adult toy from her boss and believes that all this behavior is normal. I would like to know if I’m looking too much into this. Please I would like to hear different opinions about this .
Two people in a marriage keep each other safe and their daily actions contribute to the continued well being of the relationship. When one or both falter, the relationship is basically over. The trick is to realize this and many couples try to repair things but only end up in a worse position. As with all successful relationships, you guys needed trust from the first day you were together, but ask yourself if it was ever there.
Regardless of how you see your marriage or how you feel about it, when your wife states that it's up to you to repair things, then it's telling you that she has given up and is ready to move on. Her actions after this have reinforced her words.
You may looking too much into it, and I'm sorry, but your marriage is over and has been for a long time.