My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and have a great relationship. We are best friends and lovers and get along with each others families and friends so well. We just came back from a 4 month student exchange overseas together and our relationship has grown stronger since then.
However, a year ago, I got drunk at a club, blacked out and cheated on him by having sex with a friend at the back of his car in the club parking lot. I know alcohol is not an excuse, but I would never cheat on my boyfriend if I was in the right state of mind. My boyfriend and I intended to go to the club together with my group of friends initially as my favourite International DJ was spinning. However, last minute he didn't feel well and decided to stay at home and rest instead. He told me to go ahead with my friends because he knew how much I wanted to see the DJ live (I'm a pretty big fan).
Anyway, immediately after it happened, apparently I drunk called my boyfriend telling him I was in the back of my friends car. He immediately called my girl friends and told them to look for me. Afterwards they sent me to his house. I don't remember getting to his house, but he says when I arrived I was very drunk and horny. (I feel like such a slut).
The next day I woke up to a text from the guy I slept with asking me if I remembered what happened. I replied that I vaguely remembered anything and then he explained everything to me. I felt like such a terrible person but did not tell my boyfriend because I was afraid to. I confided in my best friend and she told me not to tell because it was just a mistake and she knew it would ruin our relationship for nothing. I texted the guy I slept with and told him that I wanted him to take a HIV test to make sure that he was clean. He didn't have HIV or STDS which was good, so I told him not to tell anyone about it and he agreed.
A few months later, some friends approached my boyfriend and told him there were rumours that I had cheated on him that night. He immediately called me and I denied them, saying that they were just rumours. (I know I know I'm a very bad person).
Since that night, I have never gone drinking without my boyfriend, have only gone clubbing once (and he was with me) and have never been unfaithful in any way. I have spent every moment since then trying to be a good girlfriend to him, and working towards a long lasting relationship (and hopefully marriage) with him.
It's been a year since that happened, and I recently met up with a friend. We began to talk about relationships and she said that she knew that I had cheated on my boyfriend because her ex boyfriend is close to the person I had sex with. Apparently the person I had slept with had screenshot our conversation and sent it to my friends ex boyfriend as proof that we slept together. He showed her the screenshot so she knew that I had lied to my boyfriend. However she told me not to worry because it was so long ago and everyone had forgotten about it already. She also said that the screenshot was unlikely to resurface again.
Ever since then I have gotten paranoid that my boyfriend will find out the truth. I lost all appetite and have insomnia. I decided to just tell my boyfriend because I felt like such a bad person and would rather he know the truth from me than from someone else. However, he got so mad when I began to tell him, and said that whether we remained together or not would depend on what I actually did with the guy that night. So, I freaked out and lied and said that it was just a make out and that nothing else had happened. He said he was hurt and disappointed but would be willing to give our relationship another shot.
I feel like such a horrible person and I don't know why I can't just tell him the truth. I am going to speak to a counsellor on Monday about what I should do because I feel so guilty. I feel like ever since that night a year ago I have changed and have never been unfaithful to him. Yet I feel like I can't get past the cheating issue if I don't just tell him the whole truth.
What do you think I should do?
Please spare me the judgement (I know I am such a slut) but I am just seeking advice on what I should do ;'(
If he actually loves you at all, I can assure you he would understand.
Now if it was more than once when you "accidentally" drunk-cheated, then ofc he'd be mad.
But if this only occured once between you and one man I am not sure how he could stay mad at you.
Not knowing how you got home was evidence that you were OUT OF IT!! This guy set you by the "fake concern text" You say "immediately afterwards I drunk called my BF and told him I was in the back seat of my friends car" How did you know know it was immediately afterwards as oppose to "at some point I called my BF".
Do you remember the facts as this guy told you? If not what do you remember? You are not a slut nor a bad person, you're a human being and human beings make mistakes. Own your truth, and forgive yourself-you made a mistake and have learned from it..
"Your relationship is Worthless: 1) If you tell him it will crush him. It would probably end your relationship if he knew. Certainly, he would be hurt forever, not trust you, lose respect for you and hold it against you. If it survives, you would have an honest but very tormented relationship. 2) If you don't tell him, you at least know the facts he doesn't. Even if he never finds out the truth, you know the Real Value of your relationship: It's Worthless."
For you, whether he knows or not, you do, and your relationship is now worthless. You've done excellent damage control, and the final step is to make-up some reason to break-up with him. Otherwise, why would you want this Worthless Relationship?
This thread has expired - why not create one of your own?