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I'm not sure if I love my husband

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My husband and I have been together for 11 years. In that time, we've had two children, one with autism and the other with apraxia. It was a good relationship, although looking back I think I might have been naive, for the first few years before we had children. After kids, things went very wrong, very fast. There was a lot of screaming, and worst of all, he didn't want anything to do with our son. Weeks would go by and he didn't even hold him. Many of our fights had to do with me deciding to remain at home with our son. After I had our second son in the hospital, my husband held our son and changed diapers. When we got back home, our children were my responsibility. My older son was diagnosed with autism (my husband didn't believe anything was different about him because he was rarely around him and didn't know how other children were). Since then, any evaluations, therapies, IEP meetings, and parent-teacher conferences are attended solely by me. When I broke my foot while my kids were 1 and 3, I realized things were really wrong. I couldn't put any weight on it, we lived in a place with stairs, and he was about to leave me to figure out how to get to the doctor with myself and two kids. He yelled that he didn't have time for this. He was upset that I had messed up his day at work. He made me feel even more miserable than I already did. Things were unbearable. At this point I told him I wanted him to leave. I thought he was verbally abusive, but looking back on it, I think gaslighting is a good description. Instead of leaving, he stepped up and agreed to therapy, and we've worked through a lot. There is more (pregnancy a year after his vasectomy, abortion which I deeply regret but felt the need to do). To get to the point, he still has almost no patience for our children and doesn't spend much time with them, but he tries to argue better and be better in our relationship. I think I no longer love him. It's difficult to admit. With every snap at our kids or rough shake of their arm, more love is gone. He doesn't understand that perfecting sex moves doesn't turn me on anymore. Spending time listening to and playing with our children does. I feel like we've been through so much. Is this just another rough patch to work through in therapy. I know he loves the kids. He just doesn't know how to be with them, and he sees nothing wrong with this. Thoughts?

I'm not sure if I love my husband

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He sounds like he thinks by being good in bed he will keep you. You now know that doesn't last and are able to see him for what he is. No wonder you are falling out of love with him. Your first concern must be the children. Would you let ANYONE snap at them and shake their arms? Perhaps a separation could help. He needs to get away from the family and figure out where his loyalty is. Keep going to therapy, even if he doesn't.

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