My wife admitted to performing oral sex on another man. Now what?
My name is Jack!Me and my wife have been married for 15 years.Honestly,I can't believe she did that.My wife is a manicurist.She works at a beauty salon which near our apartment.Recently,she's been inviting her "girlfriends" over for a cup of coffee.They used to gather at cafes or just elsewhere but since they were here I thought I'd take advantage of that and overhear their conversation.I merely wanted to find out what women usually discuss.I was pretending to be screwing in a lightbulb in the hallway so that I'd have an excuse to be nearby.Initially,they were talking about their lives,then about clothes and stuff and they ended up talking about their sex lives.Her girlfriends were complaining how boring their sex lives were and then all of a sudden they started asking my wife about her "guy".She said something along the lines of:No,unfortunately,I only gave him a blowjob.We couldn't actually do it.There was no time.All of them were disappointed.I knew she wasn't talking about me so the following day I confronted my wife about it.At first,she was denying everything but eventually she admitted to blowing him.Obviously,I was angry,she even said:It was just a blowjob,get over it.I didn't actually cheat.This just infuriated me so I demanded that she told me who the guy was but to this day she refuses to.She even threatens to leave me if I don't stop talking about it.She only explained she was bored with me when it comes to sex.I really don't know any more.
Your wife has some nerve to threaten to leave you! Suggest couples theraphy if you feel your marriage is worth saving at this point. She's playing you for a fool.
Yeah, I remember being bored once. First and last time ever. I was about 6 and on a public playground swing. My dad had been pushing me but had to tend to something else for a few minutes. My swing lost momentum. Yawn... So, rather than abandon it for the slide, I put my own energy into it. It got moving again. Higher and higher, it went.
Coo. Rocket Science. [rolls eyes]
So how old is YOUR WIFE? FOUR?
But here's a question: note the actions:
- The conversation was basically female posturing in verbal format.
- She works in a beauty salon (all about appearances...veneers... faking it).
- "WAS" bored, not 'is'. (You're not stupid. If she'd said "I am bored", you'd have typed 'she only explained that she's [she *is*] bored with me'.
- And the biggie: If there's time for a BJ, there's time for penetration.
You SURE-sure-sure this bloke and so-called BJ wasn't totally fabricated for the sake of acceptance by the girl's club (who sound like a load of sheep)? Are you SURE-sure-sure she wouldn't prefer her clearly tolerant husband believing she "sort-of cheated but didn't" than admit to him that she's been coming out with total porkie-pies just because she's so desperate not just to be accepted as one of the gals, but (yawn) popular via being looked up to as a leader of that pack for her gung-ho Devil-may-care-ness? I mean - is she having a laugh, making out that she'd rather lose her 15-year marriage than simply talk about it? Plus, she'd have to be INSANE to make so light of it.
If something doesn't make sense then that's because it's a product of fear or falsehood. It can't be fear of losing you, can it, because that's what she's risking. It can't be fear of you tracking the guy down, baseball bat in hand, because otherwise why tell that gathering when knowing you were somewhere about the house. Something's 'off'.
That might explain why you 'really don't know', mightn't it?
Not saying it's the case, just that it's a possibility. I'm just getting a whiff of falseness here from all the tiniest subtleties that can't be articulated in words plus the actions that don't and won't gel, and I have an *exceptionally* sensitive nose.
You obviously didn't marry her for her brains.
- I agree with Soulmate: this could be fabrication intended to "entertain" her buddies.
The message here is: what are YOU doing to spice up your love life?
Take your wife away for a romantic weekend and see if both of you can put more effort into your relationship.
There you go, MIKEK - a consensus of three. (...or a consensus of two plus a Comedy Sl*t (for once, not me), LOL. ;-))
What do you think now? It does explain her 'it was just a BJ, get over it, I didn't actually cheat' comment, don't you agree? I mean, no-one who'd ACTUALLY cheated would go and add insult to injury by saying such an outrageous and unrealistic thing, especially not a woman. So it smacks of wanting to maintain the pretence just enough to preserve its credibility (and save face), mixed with wanting to play it so far down that it serves to discourage you from feeling you'd be justified in feeling you ought take any serious/negative action.
Plus, there's the fact that no-one in that well-acquainted gathering knew the mystery man's name. "Your guy", they said. I mean, if you're indiscreet enough to use the revelation as posturing fodder, AND so indiscreet as to discuss it with your husband round and about, then why on earth wouldn't you have told any of your daily colleagues his name yet? Again - doesn't add up.
There again, she might have on-the-spot worked out that her semi-admitting but semi-denying it would not only get your attention and keep it but INCREASE it, meaning, THREE aims satisfied for the price of one action?
However, if you feel this whole theory *doesn't* put your mind to rest then obviously you must, whether you're aware of it or not, know or sense something we don't. In which case, ref that nerve of an understatement of hers, you'd then have a completely different kettle of (not quite right in the head) fish on your hands.
Anyway, care to update us?
I'm sorry to hear about this. There is something not right if anyone thinks that is right. I wish I had words to make this better but it seems that respect is an issue and you have to decide if her lack of respect for you is something you are willing to allow in your life. Good luck.
Break down the events of that day. She decides to allow another man's genitalia into her mouth and perform this intimate act on him, all the while knowing she is betraying you. Then she finishes, and goes home to you and kisses you on the lips. This is so absolutely cold-hearted, and a betrayal that I would not personally be able to forgive. Kudos to you for loving her that much that you did not leave her immediately.