Battling depression and dating someone who doesn't understand it
I've been with my boyfriend for a few years now. I've also struggled with depression since a young age, and am currently in my early 20s. I think the most difficult thing for me is that I don't connect well with others and most of the time in group situations, I'm awkward or quiet because I don't know what to say. When I hang out with my boyfriend and his friends, if I don't say something for a while he points it out and gets irritated or points it out to everyone there, which then embarrasses me. I always just shrug it off because I try now to be too sensitive to comments like that anymore. I just wish I was more open and outgoing, but no matter what I can't seem to force myself to be that way. I feel like he doesn't understand how my depression and anxiety affect me, even though I have talked to him about it before. I want him to have fun and go out, but sometimes I feel like a huge inconvience to him. I just don't know how I feel about all of it, or what to do.
What's your boyfriend's problem? Why should it bother HIM if you're the silent type? And have you told him he's embarrassing you when he does that? What does he say in his defence?
WHY do you wish you were more open and outgoing? Just because your boyfriend would prefer it if you were? And who told you that your lack of self-projection was a direct cause of your depression? Do you think ALL quiet types are secretly depressed, is that what you think?
Question: Do you wish your boyfriend was taller or had a bigger d*ck? Or any other so-called improvement to your liking? (Actual, serious question, by the way.)
Sorry - should have typed, 'direct symptom of your depression'.
Thank you for replying. Yes, I was diagnosed with depression around age 10, and have undergone treatment on and off for the past ten years. I don't think that quiet people are depressed, I simply think that me being awkward and not knowing what to say or do contributes to me sole depression. I often feel isolated and sad after hanging out with others.
It's not only because of my boyfriend that I wish I was more outgoing. I just wish I could make friends easier, as I feel it would give me confidence. I've tried telling my boyfriend about my depression, and how it effects me, but he doesn't seem to understand really. He does listen to me, which I appreciate. I just don't think he can fully grasp it since he's never experienced it. As to wishing things were different about my boyfriend.. No I've never wished he was taller or bigger. There are things he does that irritates me sometimes, but it's usually just little things that are simple such as forgetting plans and such.
You and I are having a conversation 'right now', are we not? I hear no awkwardness, detect no uncertainty on your part about what to say or lack of confidence. So how IS that? Tell me what all the differences are here?