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Parents

KACALEXANDRIA
- Jul 27 2015 at 21:19
Member since: 27 July 2015
Relationship advice I'm having a problem because I am a college student trying to make a way for myself and my parents and I seem to have diverging points of views about certain things especially as I get older. I wanted to start looking at different jobs and things for the time being because I have been ill but am trying to get back on my feet. I'm currently at home with nothing to do. And so I stated liking for positions on my own specially with insurance and good companies. When I expressed this to my parents they were in disagreement. My mom says I need to stay home and maybe take an online class and get myself together because she doesn't think I can be functional on a job. I got into an argument with her because she has her own reasoning for why she thinks I shouldn't work and she said I wouldn't take that job to save my life. I'm at the point where I listen to people and take their advice but I feel like I can make a choice on my own and that this is a choice for me to decide especially since i am the one who reached out for this opportunity and I am 22 years of age. I'm not a kid. I still have to follow the family rules but I can make some choices for me and I don't have to go by what my mom says all of the time especially since she can be stubborn at times and thinks that she knows about certain things that she doesn't.

Parents

SOULMATE (moderator)
- Jul 28 2015 at 15:32
Member since: 19 August 2014
"my parents and I seem to have diverging points of views about certain things especially as I get older."

You're (plural) supposed to. If you and your parents lived wholly amicably and harmoniously, where would be your incentive to fly the nest and make a home life for yourself / where would be their incentive to coax (nag) you out into the big wide world? This is nature's deliberately designed way of pre-stretching the umbilicus, ready for the jump. You drive your parents up the wall, they drive you up the wall, so you flee the drama and strike out on your ownio. It's clever like that, LOL. But the process does initially involve a lot of conflict on both sides, each party vacillating between dying to get rid/be rid and wanting to keep/stay, and the outward behaviour reflects this. Hence your mum says you NEED TO STAY HOME etcetera. That's all she's really saying: stay home.

She feels she needs to be mentally ready before she watches you become a smaller and smaller dot on the horizon. She wants to have that control. One, Two, Three, JUMP! This is VERY scary stuff for parents, mum in particular. And the more doting a mum was, the harder it can be. OR, conversely, the more distracted and somewhat neglectful she was, the more her urge to grab more time to finish emptying out her mothering instinct.

Meanwhile, added to the mix is the fact that it's their house and home, despite your home, yet with your ever-developing and changing ways of operating according to your own inner urges you start to upset the nice little routines and rules, like what should go where and when, etc. Life's daily grind is taxing and complicated enough without someone effectively 'moving your furniture around' on a random, ad-hoc basis as has you tripping over it half the time.

"especially since she can be stubborn at times and thinks that she knows about certain things that she doesn't."

So what you're saying is you take after your MUM, then? [chortle-chortle] Because, her having lived on this planet a lot longer than you, there'll obviously equally be things she knows that you don't and can't yet, right?

But, yes, you CAN make choices for yourself - IF you're exerting them on your own territory whereby they don't affect mum and dad's daily routines and expectations. Nature's way is also for "baby" to make any new move and for mum and dad to react accordingly to suit. So if you're ready to take a job despite it might not be for-life, perhaps only for 6 months/a year at most before switching to another, better suited one, then that's your prerogative and the folks will have to catch up to the new programme just like they've had to do your entire, constantly-changing life. Surely, then, if you get accepted for this post, that'll be the point where you rent a nearby flat share or bedsit for yourself? Or are you still wanting to live at home while you work this job?

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