My BF cheating
Hi, I've been with my partner for 8 years (engaged for 4 1/2 years), he is step father to my 2 children and we have a child together. About 3 years ago I got paranoid that my partner was cheating because he was getting a lot of texts from a female that we both know. This caused a could of major fall outs but we got over it. We seemed to move on it from it but the intimacy of our relationship took a bit of a toll. To cut a long story short, I was going out one weekend and the children were sleeping out. I got this little feeling that something wasn't quite right, so I left a recorder in the living room, yes I felt silly and guilty for doing this, and yes it sounds crazy, but I just had a gut feeling. I played it the next day and found out this woman came down to see my partner and they had sex. I heard every single thing that was said. I was absolutely devastated and didn't know what to do. I found the courage to speak to him about it the same day, and he denied it at first. When I told him how I knew all I got was 'what can I say?' When we spoke about it he said he was feeling low, that he shouldn't of done it, that he deeply regrets it. Being a fool that I am, I couldn't throw him out as I love him so much. We have been trying to work things through and seemed to be getting somewhere, it's been 2 weeks since it happened. Don't ask me why but I listened to the recording again today and heard a conversation I missed, they talk about their 'fling', asking how long has it been going on? He said 'too long', she said 'we can end it if you want', he said 'no I'm not saying that'. I again feel completely devastated again, and feel a complete fool! Obviously it wasn't a one off, it's been going on for sometime, and it's just opened them healing wounds again. I feel so sick and don't know what to do :-( obviously he doesn't care about lying to me and just says the things I want to hear. Should I chuck him out? Sorry for waffling, I just feel so ALONE, I have no close friends I can talk to about this :-(
Well this is a tough one because of the kids; you should at least call off the wedding but for the sake of your children, especially the one he's a father to, attempt to salvage and perhaps someday revive this relationship. As a man I can tell you that the cheating is usually driven by the excitement of it being wrong but can also stem from feeling less than satisfied in that department, so to speak; just speculating at this point though. Ultimately, it's the kids that are innocently damaged by not having a loving mother and father together in the house. We owe it to them as parents to do everything within our power to provide a strong, stable platform for them to grow and develop into well-rounded adults. I hope to have helped you somewhat at least!
im so sorry hun but honestly he probably wont change yes he will most likely end this "fling" of his but engage in another as soon as he gets another opportunity. Baby girl there are no words that any of us can say to take away the pain in your heart. Focus on your children and yourself. He obviously doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve what he's done to you. One day you will be strong enough to move on from this and maybe he will stop his nonsense. only time will tell. Stay strong love and Good luck<3
Hi guys thank you for your response, we've had another long talk, he said he lied because he was protecting me, he knew he had hurt me and thought if I knew everything it would rip us apart. I'm not sure about his answer. He said it shouldn't of happened, that he feels he's let me down the biggest way he could and he feels embarrassed by it all. I've no plans of getting married so don't worry about that one. I'm just wondering if people can actually get over something like this? One minute I feel I can, then the other I can't get it out of my head. I have a lot of anger towards her too, I feel as though she's walked into our relationship, ripped it apart, then walked away and got away with it. He doesn't want me to have a go at her because he doesn't want everyone knowing. But if I ever come face to face with her, I don't know what I would do, and this scares me. I have so much anger in me.
Just wanted to add he said "he was protecting you" he was protecting himself, "He knew he had hurt you" but had the affair anyway, when asked if he wanted it to end "he wanted the affair to continue" his answer is BS. He said " it shouldn't happen" he allowed it happen, He let you down and now he feels embarrassed that he got caught. He doesn't want everybody to know, the only person he should be worried about is you NOT EVERYONE ELSE!
Getting over betrayal is always hard, trust is the foundation of any relationship..He "feels embarrassed by it all" versus your feelings of "hurt" which is still effecting you. You said you" felt as though she walked into your relationship and ripped apart"
No one can "walk into a relationship if they were not asked to come in. Your issue is with him and not her.Your commitment was with him not her. You might consider counseling to help deal with your anger. Think about what you want going forward, maybe this isn't the man for you.