Should I move?
My adult stepson(36) moved in with us 10 months ago. He had lost his job(fired like 90% OF THEM)GOT AN INFECTED TOOTH,NEGLECTED IT FOR TWO MONTHS AND ENDED UP IN icu FOR A MONTH. WE both wanted to help him get on his feet. His Mom(my wife) told me he would be with us for three months.AS soon as he moved in with us he began inviting friends over for diner,after 3 months of coming home tired after work to find unexpected company sitting in our kitchen and several complaints from me,My wife told him he could no longer have dinner parties for his friends with our grocerys . After the 5th month I explained to my wife I was getting very tired of having him live with us and I had expected he would honestly and actively look for work. He does next to nothing to help us out. But he sure can eat(the only thing he does well). I even got him an dental appointment with our dentist but he did not go.(his dental problems was the direct cause of a month in ICU). He got a job that pays $1,000 a month washing dishes at a resterant in April. It is now August. He has saved aprox 1,000 to move out. I have reached a point where I feel I can not stand living with him anymore. I have expressed this to my wife weekly. She feels I am being mean and not family oriented. I remind her that he is 36 yrs old, she says he is trying and he does have a job now and he will moved out in sept. I think I will go crazy by then, I feel like moving out so I do not have to see him or hear his bull any more, but it will cause problems if I move out. I have paid my dues and feel I do not deserve this crap any more,
The end is near! Make sure he and your wife understand that Sept means 9/1. Why would you move out? If you did that he would never leave. Sit down with he and your wife so that everybody is on the same page regarding your understanding of what Sept means. Be firm and stand your ground. He's taken advantage of you and your wife long enough.
Your situation is what I am fearing the most. My stepdaughter who is 34 years old wants to move in with us. I don't want her to live here with us even though my husband is begging me to agree. I am so afraid that this will destroy my marriage and my health. We married 14 years ago, when she was 20 and she was living with her mother and then quickly after that she married against our husband's advice. He sensed that she was not ready. Anyway, we paid for the wedding and she ended up divorcing the man a few years later. My husband had another kid, that I help him raised since he was six years old, now he is 21 and on his own.
My stepdaughter moved on to have a series of relationships with different men, lived with a couple of them. Became a party girl and had a life of rich and famous traveling the whole world while she was making money in real estate and was surrounded by her group of rich friends. Now, since this past years the economy has been shaky she kept looking for our financial support to help her pay her medical insurance, living expenses, paying for ads to promote her business and so for, we have helped her with that too. She does not want to get another job, retrain or move with a friend. She wants to live with us.
On the other hand, she never acknowledges me, never calls me. Has told me that I am not the kind of women for her dad. She has been quite disrespectful towards me so many times and it is hard for me to forget that and it is actually those old feelings are coming back again. She used to laugh at me and call me names. She is making plans with my husband to move in September and she has not even called me at all. Today, I had a horrific argument with my husband due to this situation. He has a very strong personality and wants to impose his wishes before mine and does not want to hear me. He said that she is her daughter and that he can't say no to her. That is the problem, he can't say no to her. My marriage has been difficult because of his lack of parenting skills. He has also being disrespectful towards me in front of her and has not help them understand that I am his wife. I feel that I want to walk away and let him become a parent now in his senior years he is 61 years old. What should I do? I can't eat or sleep and I am afraid that all this I will get me sick. I am on my 5th year remission from cancer. By the way she never called me while I was sick with cancer. I can't take this anymore! :( I love my husband but I love myself more. I am making an appointment with a counselor this week to see how to get out of this mess.) Being married is difficult.
You and your wife need to be on the same page with this. Set a deadline. Consider helping him with the deposit in order to get him settled.
I have a feeling he has been indulged all his life and has an elevated sense of entitlement in his mother's home.
Time for tough love.