Advice needed - childs safety
Hey everyone, got an important question I need to ask . I am terrible at explaining things but I will try my best.
Basically, my ex-girlfriend is currently pregnant with my kid but she also has 2 other kids with another ex, he is violent and has hit her loads of times and has also assaulted me once, he should be locked up imo but he seems to get away with everything he does.
Because of him i have no choice but to move back to Scotland to get away from him, i'm too terrified to leave the house anymore incase anything else happens. I tried getting a restraining order against him but the police basically said he has to assault me more than once. If my dad and my friend weren't there at the time to hold him back when he assaulted me the first time, he more than likely would have killed me.
I'm trying to convince her to move to Scotland with us, maybe try and start afresh and so that i'll be able to be a part of my kids life once it's born. Otherwise i'd be 300 miles away and too terrified to come back to see my own kid. Deep down i don't think she will move though because it's a big change and she has to think of her other kids as well, and put them first.
If she doesn't move is there any possible way I can stop him from seeing or being anywhere near my kid once he/she is born? She allows him to see his own 2 kids but I don't want him anywhere near my own. Surely if the kids safety is at risk, there can be something done about it? Thanks.
Sorry if i haven't explained it properly, like I said i'm terrible at these sort of things.
If your GF chooses to continue to expose her children to this physically abusive man rather than get as far away as she can, then you should seek legal advise and file for sole custody. She has no control over this man at all. You need to PUT YOUR CHILD FIRST by getting your child out of this violent,abusive environment. Your GF can't be trusted to protect your child she can't protect herself.
This man is dangerous and should be taken seriously. Protect your child, file for sole custody that's how you can stop him.
She has made her decision: she is staying in her old environment, and that includes him. Otherwise, she would have taken advantage of your protective offer to move.
Your concern should be your child. See a lawyer to find out your rights. Talk to her about who should have primary custody.
Maybe you don't have to move so far away to get away from THEM. (and it IS "them" you must realize) You must protect your child from this very toxic environment that she places her children in.
So now you see, it's HER that's the sick one.
Quick update on what's happened since my last post -
Basically she's told me that she's been lying from the start - and the kid isn't mine - it's her exes (the guy who assaulted me and has hit her - i know that's true as i've seen the marks etc)
She's refusing to do a DNA test or anything as I still think it could be mine, there's definitely a chance anyway. Went for some legal advice and they said I can force her to do one through the courts - is that right?
But there's nothing I can do until the baby is born.. if it does turn out to be mine I have absolutely no idea what to do next, i still wouldn't want my kid anywhere near him as he'd be a threat to it's safety. But if they're back together and already have 2 kids together is there anything I can do to stop him being near? I mean i wouldn't want him being in the same house as my kid or anything like that. But if I get social services involved then how will I know for sure he's not nearby if i'll be 300 miles away living in Scotland?
Don't know why she's went back to him, she's just a stupid bitch I guess. Compulsive lying, manipulative cow and he's an alcoholic violent bastard so I guess they're perfect for each other.. Lol. Thanks for listening, hope someone can help.
There ARE tests that can prove paternity before the baby is born. Check them out. Listen to your lawyer.
Other than that, you must wait and then perhaps try for custody of the child. Are you prepared to do that?
I know you are hurt and confused as to why a woman would go back/stay with an abusive spouse. It usually is a character flaw in the woman that compels her to live in an environment that feeds her low self esteem. (See a few posts on this site and you will see)So they find a man to fulfill that sick need.
The Police said he has to have assaulted you more than once and despite you had witnesses? SINCE WHEN?!
Did he actually put his hands on you or just posture aggressively at you?
Also, I get why one would want to make oneself geographically inaccessible to this man's fists, but - as far away as Scotland, a whole 300 miles? Really? Who IS this ex of hers - Mr Tickle?
Help me out here: you claim to hold your unborn child's interests at heart as your sole motivation for seeking legal means to keep this man away from it, yet in the very same breath are telling us you're in the process of moving too far away (far further than necessary for pure self-protection purposes) to make *regular* paternal visitation comfortably possible. How does that work, then?
Well that's what i got told, that he has to assault me more than once in order for me to get a restraining order.
Yes, he did, if my dad and my friend weren't there at the time to hold him back and pin him to the ground until the police came he probably would have killed me.
I'm originally from Scotland, i moved here 4 years ago from there so i'm moving back with my family. Been planning it for ages, my ex was supposed to come with us and we were going to start our own life there but obviously that's not going to happen now. Don't really have any choice, i can't stay here any longer, i have hardly left the house since the assault.
Ref the ACTUAL assault followed immediately by a further attempted assault - I think you should consult your solicitor on this because, loophole wise (not that you ideally should need one) that makes TWO assaults in my book.
I see: so this relocation to Scotland was at the time believed to include her back when she was still your current.
But, yes, you do have a choice, surely? Again, he's not Mr Tickle. Even 50-100 miles would suffice. Non?
Go back to your solicitor so that s/he has a handle on the entire situation you're in. And Susiedqqq's right, including that paternity tests can be done in-vitro following a CVS or Amnioscentesis procedure (go Google). Again, that's something for your solicitor to organise, following which your options are to try for sole custody or, failing that, supervised visitation rights only by the ex's ex.
Remember she's gotten back together with him, they're living together again with their own 2 kids. So if the newborn turns out to be mine, is there anything I can do really? She's a stupid lying heartless bitch and he's a violent alcoholic bastard so they're perfect for each other really. But if the kid is mine, I don't want him anywhere near for it's safety.
I'm not sure about sole custody, just doesn't feel like i'd ever be able to get it.. doesn't seem like I have many rights or anything. If she's going to be putting his name on the birth certificate etc what chance do I have?
He CAN'T put his name on the birth certificate if a paternity test confirms its yours.
Again, if you've appointed a solicitor then why aren't you asking him/her all of this?
I haven't appointed a solicitor? I don't have a clue how it all works, my mum did it for me took me to see one for a free 30 minute session that's when I got told there's nothing I can do until the baby is born, if she's refusing to do a DNA test then can get a court ordered one. I can't afford a solicitor or anything legal, so if it turns out to be mine then I don't have a clue how to proceed from there.
She'll put his name on the certificate the moment it's born. Don't know how long it will take to get the court ordered DNA test done, especially as i'll be in Scotland by then.
Here you go:
Alternatively - your local Citizen's Advice Bureau.
Your mother will presumably continue to offer you her full assistance?