First date and sex problems
I (female, 34) recently met someone online and while I have my fair share of dating both online and offline and know its pros and cons, this one felt different. We hit it off immediately, exchanged phone numbers and talked and texted for a few weeks (our job situation prevented meeting up in person earlier). But things went great, I felt a genuine connection even if it was just via phone. We talked and texted a lot.
Finally, the big day came, we met up in person. We spent the whole day together, did some activities, had dinner, talked a lot, were flirty and enjoyed each other's company tremendously. We are both a tad on the introvert side, so we were both somewhat nervous about meeting in person, and throughout the day, we had a couple of drinks (he had probably a few more than he should have). We ended up at his place and started making out. Heaven. Things got even more heated but - and here is where the trouble starts - he couldn't stay hard. We're both in our mid 30s, and I know how things are... you drink too much, this can happen. Really, no biggie. We messed around a little without having sex, and ended up falling asleep.
The next morning was awkward. I tried to initiate some physical contact, but could tell he didn't want to. I ended up leaving fairly soon. On that day, we continued to text and I felt he was coming around again, using loving language, sent me links to his favorite love songs (I know, like stupid teenagers, but bear with me), and I thought we'd be just fine. The next days he had to go away for work (he is in the military) on a two week training, and contact got sparse (to be expected due to his work, but still, his tone of voice changed a lot and I almost felt like he would ghost away soon).
He keeps re-iterating that he is dealing with a lot of craziness out of his control these days, and that he is not ignoring me on purpose. We haven't met since, the two week training isn't over yet.
So anyway, long story short. My question is whether you guys think that our unfortunate experience in bed on the first date could have embarassed him and caused him to withdraw himself? How would I handle that? I haven't mentioned it at all. Because truly, it doesn't matter to me, I know that this can happen to anyone when you had a few drinks. I still think he's super hot and am physically attracted to him.
I just want to continue to get to know him better, see him again, and relive that magic that we had before that experience. I'm not even sure the sex thing was what caused the change of mood, but it's the only thing I can think of because things went so darn well up until that moment.
Any opinions are truly appreciated.
Yes, it's possible he could have been embarrassed because he couldn't perform well. I'm certain the drinks had something to do with that evening too. However, the morning... Well, it's a possibility the alcohol was still affecting him, but I have my doubts.
If he keeps giving you the cold shoulder... You may as well start looking for a different batch of eye candy.
Guess I'm old fashioned - but jumping into bed the FIRST time together? You had an online relationship, not a real one!!
No wonder the guy is overwhelmed and feels pressure OR he is just not ready OR he didn't feel like you did.
Slow down. Get to know each other IN PERSON.
Don't be surprised if he backs off from you now. It (physical contact and sex) was just too fast for him, IMO.