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Posted by
on Aug 3 2015 at 16:04
Member since: 03 August 2015
Relationship advice I always make a joke about my husband having another woman which he as denied he said she lives in my head. A couple of days ago he had a scratch on his neck and i said, his fancy woman left it there he said, no she didnt. I wondered why he said this if he is innocent and he said, it was a slipped out wrong. He said he shaves the side of his neck because it gets grey hairs growing there. I am insecure and lack confidence and he knows this so why would he say what he did when he knows im like that? Do you think he does have someone or messing with my mind? Last night he went out to get a dessert for after tea and he took his phone. He didnt tell me he was taking it and he didnt say if i wanted anything else to call him, our son went with him and my husband had got in the car before our son so could of been on his phone before our son got in the car . My husband said he took it in case i wanted anything else at the shop like bread which we did need but he didnt buy any anyway. Was this an excuse taking his phone when he didnt tell me he was. He changed his password last September because he said google told him to because of hackers and he never told me he changed it as i have checked his emails in the past, he said he did tell me he changed it and if i had wanted the pastword he would of gave me it. He once said when we had sex that, that made a change because i got on him which i hardly ever do but it hurt me because i feel he was saying the rest of the time hes not happy with it, he said he doesnt get upset when i say to him that i cant believe he gave me oral. I told him he does nothing different and maybe he could of improved with all the porn he as watched and been better.


Reply from
on Aug 3 2015 at 19:40
Member since: 06 July 2015
Him saying "No she didn't" and that 'It slipped out wrong" I could see how you could interrupt what your suspecting. By him acknowledging a "She" then tried to cover of his slip of tongue by saying "it slipped out wrong" but never saying what he meant, but went into how he got the cut. He's slip of the tongue is not enough evidence to say he's cheating. You being insecure/lacking confidence is casing you to suspect everything he's doing. Taking his phone when he went to the store is normal, he said you could have his password no problem with that. Why do you joke about him having another woman?


Reply from
on Aug 3 2015 at 21:53
Member since: 01 August 2015
You're the one who brings it up constantly. Maybe he was joking back and maybe it did come out wrong. Why not try to stop joking about it and try thinking more positive about your relationship. The fact that your insecure and lack confidence doesn't help the situation. Talk to him more about the feelings you are having. Communication and trust are important things in a relationship. But he could be frustrated that you don't trust him. Try do romantic amd/or sexy things for him like making sexy coupons. Spice things up and that might change your state of mind. Hope all works out. Don't over think it so much


Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Aug 5 2015 at 02:23
Member since: 19 August 2014
He probably said 'no "she" didn't' because you've in a way given life and an identity to this fantasy woman as if she actually exists. It would be like if you frequently spoke as if you - fact - had a ghost (a man) in the house and one day said, 'Who made that mess? I suppose it was the ghost' to which he replied, 'No, it wasn't him'. Understand?

However, the issue here is that you need a more emotionally sensitive, thoughtful and nurturing man and what you've got is a somewhat clonky, clumsy one.

He probably DIDN'T mention he'd changed his password. I doubt you'd forget or that your ears would have failed to prick up at something so important, considering you admit how checking his emails has always traditionally been a major source of self-reassurance behaviour for you - right? That 'I told you/No you didn't' debate is a highly common 'battle of the sexes' issue for women the world over. But that doesn't mean he's cheating. Just means he was willing to pull in a fabrication in his total campaign to convince you of his innocence.

But put it/him to the test. That'd be one simple solution, wouldn't it? Tell him, yes, you DO want his new password please-thankyou. See whether he does or not.

However, aren't we overlooking one of the more commonplace obvious causes of suspicion - namely, the cheating male having started to "work late", etc?

HAS HE? If not, if his normal movements and routines haven't changed, then you ARE barking up the wrong tree ***or*** it could be your lack of confidence is getting nurtured somewhat through a preference to keep you slightly on your toes via constantly being focussed on him I.e. He doesn't want to bust an actual gut to reassure you because a part of him LIKES the extra attention it causes.

PS: "He once said when we had sex that, that made a change". That sounds like a badly hidden statement of suspicion to me, meaning, what I reckon you've got here is a man who's insecure about YOU but retains a constant 'poker face' whilst he acts deliberately slightly provocatively - just disquieting ENOUGH - in order to bring you more down to HIS level so as to equal the playing field. Common stuff.


Reply from
on Aug 10 2015 at 11:08
Member since: 07 February 2014
What is this obsession and what is the difference. You want him to have an affair? Why not ask him if something is bothering him in your marriage - he has not divorced you thus far. You might concentrate on the two of you being happy and if not how to make it so.

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