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I Just Want Your Thoughts.

Posted by
JAY DOE
on Aug 4 2015 at 05:08
Member since: 04 August 2015
Relationship advice So i got with this guy who had just had surgery on his shoulder.  For about a year we lived at my place. He watched my son and i payed for everything.  I didn't mind. His money went tword paying for his trailer that his mom and sister lived in. He didn't have a job at the time and was collecting workmans comp. He was hurt. I felt bad when he would talked about being useless because he wasn't.  I didn't feel like physical therapy was working so I started bringing him to work and the act of using his shoulder helped his recovery so much. :) he was still in alot of pain. Sometimes i would give him painkillers i'd find. Like patches someone gave me. Or just anything i had lying around. I don't take pain killers. When i had my c-section i only took 2 a day for 4 days.

When my room mate started to get upset that he was staying there all the time he convinced me to move out. We went to his trailer and things went south very quickly. 

There was not room for me or my son. We started fighting and i starting getting depressed.  I tend to drink when i'm depressed. I drank too much and stayed out too much. I didn't want to go back to the house and sit with his mom. He had started to work at a pizza place and wasn't home most nights.

one night i asked him to drive and we got pulled over. He got in trouble for not having a license and some dumb warrant.  I bailed him out. Then i paid his fee's to get his license back. I worked for our lawyer friend to get him legal help. He didn't help me do the work despite it being for his benefit.  when i actually started staying at his house he still had some fee's and stuff so i paid all the bills so he could catch up. He didn't pay his fines but still had no money. 

We got into a fight because i didn't realize i was out of money when we were out. He started yelling. He locked up my breaks and flattened one of my tires. He told me i couldn't come home after i had paid all the bills and had no money left. I came in any way.  He sprayed cleaners in my face. He threatened me. I called the cops. He said he would stop, he didn't.  I called them again. They gave me a choice.  I leave or he goes to jail. I left. I came back and started packing. He asked me to stay. I did. I found a place because i have a son and i can't risk being kicked out on the street over a stupid drunk fight . I told him he could come. I wanted him to come. I wanted the family we were trying to make.

He came. He quit the pizza place because he was over worked and under paid any way. He started coming to work with me. Things were going pretty good. We were making better money i thought together then separately.  We fought some times.  Spending too much time together i guess.  Plus he doesn't like not being in charge. He started spending more then we could afford.  We started falling behind.  I started stressing.  I'd get upset. I'd leave. i'd drink. He would get mad that i drank and drove so i'd stay somewhere else.  He'd get more mad at that. Always accuse me of cheating.  I'd tell him were i was. Give him the entire story. Weather it looked bad or not because i had nothing to hide. I never fucking cheated. I'd tell him to call and they would tell you and he wouldn't.  Rather call me a liar.

He finally after 2 years got a good job. He didn't get paid for the first 2 weeks like most places so i had to float him despite the fact we were behind. The Monday before he got his paycheck he left because we got into a fight. I went out and stayed at a friends house.  I woke up late to get my son from his dad. He started screaming.  I tried to get away. I tried going out the front door, the patio door and hide in the bedroom. He screamed in my face spitting in my eyes with his nose pressed to my forehead.  I snapped.  I slapped him but not hard the first time but fairly quickly three more times increasing harder till i made his lip bleed. He head butted me and i fell backwards.  I was scared.  I didn't understand why i had done it. I've never hit someone in anger before. His sister came and got him. I had a dream earlier that month i was pregnant.  I drove to the drug store and bought 3 tests. Positive result and i sent a pic to him. He called me a lier. So i did another. He told me to go to a clinic. So i did. He says its probably not his and it broke my heart. I said he was right. Its not. I was hurt. I regret it. Nothing matters. Despite being there when he was at his lowest point he left me during mine. 2 years of helping and as soon as he gets enough to make it on his own he is gone. I'm sorry but that tells you the character of a person.

I'm now 10 weeks pregnant. I'm becoming increasingly suicidal. He's told all our friends i'm a slut and the baby isn't his. I feel like i have no one to talk to. People don't want to be around the depressed pregnant girl and understandably so. Everyone is on his side because he immediately went out screaming it was all my fault. I guess i just want someone to see my side.

I just want your thoughts.
Reply from
SKINNYGIRL
on Aug 4 2015 at 12:42
Member since: 06 July 2015
I do see your side. Reading your post was like taking a roller coaster ride from hell. From the very beginning you assumed all the financial responsibilities, and all of the abuse. You treated him like he was your 2nd Son. This man is self centered, immature and a user.

You are 10 weeks pregnant, so the drinking must STOP.

You must find you and your son a safe and suitable place to live.

Get and DNA test to confirm he is the father. See a lawyer and get a child support order.

Get some counseling- you need it.

Stop dwelling on him and all his stupid antics. Move on. Do not go back to this guy. Nothing is going to change with him. There is an old saying "You can do bad all by yourself".I know it's going to be hard, but hard is a much better place then where you were. You can do this!

I just want your thoughts.
Reply from
JAY DOE
on Aug 4 2015 at 13:20
Member since: 04 August 2015
I didn't think i i said i was still drinking.
I just want your thoughts.
Reply from
KNOT2LOUD
on Aug 4 2015 at 13:32
Member since: 20 July 2015
This guy is a bum, a control freak, insecure, and downright mean. I can't even commend you for sticking it out with him as long as you did. Why? Because I know you knew he wouldn't change for the better.

At any rate... You NEED counseling to get over this abusive thing commonly called a man (which he is not) and you need to drop him like a red hot coal that's burning your hand; cause if you don't... He's going to burn you again.

And stop drinking. It doesn't help your situation. Drink soda pop or water instead.

Remember, you have a son! HE NEEDS HIS MOTHER!!!

I just want your thoughts.
Reply from
JAY DOE
on Aug 4 2015 at 17:32
Member since: 04 August 2015
Again I'm not drinking while pregnant.
I just want your thoughts.
Reply from
JAY DOE
on Aug 4 2015 at 17:36
Member since: 04 August 2015
This is a summary of our relationship. 2 years. I am not currently drinking. Last time i drank was before i knew i was pregnant
I just want your thoughts.
Reply from
KNOT2LOUD
on Aug 4 2015 at 19:05
Member since: 20 July 2015
That's a good thing. What about that abusive person you're with?
I just want your thoughts.
Reply from
JAY DOE
on Aug 5 2015 at 02:32
Member since: 04 August 2015
Oh he left me just before i found out i was pregnant. Because he finally got a job that he can support him self with. Yea i know its fucked. I didn't mind being the bread winner but i didn't expect this.
I just want your thoughts.
Reply from
WINTERSUN
on Aug 5 2015 at 10:34
Member since: 07 May 2015
Good you stopped drinking for both your son and your baby...and indeed for you! I agree with Knot2loud and Skinny on this. But just want to add that guy used you from the start. He saw in you a way out of the hole he was in, and you gladly paid for everything and reading all this, getting nothing in return, except what you are craving for a 'family' but you know that is not the kind of family life you want. You possibly felt a bad man is better than no man. Not true! So its good this creep of a man got a good job, so he will leave you alone. Because you are better off without him.

You have a son (who you don't want for him to imitate that 'father figure' and bring him up to believe its ok to treat women like that man treats you) and you will have a beautiful baby in a few months. Yes I know times will be tough at times but you and your children wont be subject to violence, you won't have to worry about getting spat at or punched, or you wont have your son witnessing all this.

Contact some organisations, there are shelters you can go to and seek refuge. Organisations for abused women. If you see that you can get help that you don't have to face it all alone, it may help you get through this. Even phone the Samaritans if you can't find any, I'm sure they will give you a list of the right organisations to call.

And if that man goes back into your life, it will be because he lost his job or wants to use you again. So for yours and childrens sake, don't let him.

Best of luck with the new baby and hope things go well for you

I just want your thoughts.
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Aug 5 2015 at 11:07
Member since: 19 August 2014
Well, JAY DOE, you've had all the sound practical and psychological advice there is to give. So all that's left is for me to ask for this f**k-up's address SO THAT I CAN GO ROUND AND PUNCH HIS LIGHTS OUT!!!

Not very befitting of a moderator, I'm sure. But I can dream, can't I?

UGH! Just 'ugh!'. What a total and utter parasite you got yourself embroiled with. With him now gone? Things can LITERALLY only get (and feel) better. You just need to get over the worst of the cold turkey, which won't take as long as you probably think it will.

As for no-one to talk to? Well, you do now! You carry on and talk it all out here, love. Whenever you need to. There'll always be someone around to respond. One chap on here has made his thread into a kind of interactional diary, charting his progress. Feel free to do the same, okay?

I just want your thoughts.
Reply from
KNOT2LOUD
on Aug 5 2015 at 12:54
Member since: 20 July 2015
I agree... Things can only get better. Hang in there and move forward. Oh! There is a thing called child support. If he opts not to pay; he'll be on the run for the next couple of decades. You put up with his crap, now it's time for you to call the shots.
I just want your thoughts.
Reply from
JAY DOE
on Aug 6 2015 at 02:08
Member since: 04 August 2015
Thank you. I'm a contractor and work all over in the trades its hard to do when i'm pregnant and harder deqling with the emotions that i'm not used to having. guys on the job definitely don't want to hear about it lol. I have to slow down so i'll make less but hopefully i'll be able to get past this without having to move back in with my parents. An option but not one i'm excited for.

Oh and we all live near flint mi ;) thank you

I just want your thoughts.
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Aug 7 2015 at 20:17
Member since: 19 August 2014
On behalf of everyone, you're very welcome! :-)

Oh, and don't feel like that relationship earned you now't. If, for example, you give money to a beggar that, unbeknownst to you, is a fake, that does not matter, you still get the karma kredits that come to fruition in whatever most-needed-at-the-time format. Because you did what you believed was right and befitting - tried to give someone a leg-up. It's THE BEGGAR that'll get his negative 'comes around'.

(Or, this case, the bugger. ;-))

Speak to your GP about taking daily, pure form Omega EPA/DHA capsules. I think I'm right in saying they're good for the babbie, PLUS treat depression in record time on a 1000mg dosage.

SURELY, some of those tradesmen must be dads?

Why the dread about moving back in for a while with the folks?

(PS: You'll be just fine as per - you're clearly a survivor and self-counsellor.)

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?