Will I get back with my ex?
I posted a thread on here about a year ago (SOULMATE was very helpful) about meeting a guy on a dating site. We'd had 6 weeks of texting before meeting, met and carried on the relationship, a couple of nights a week, for a couple of months until out of the blue he text me to say he wasn't ready for a relationship due to ongoing medical/health issues. He's a recovering alcoholic and on a methadone programme for drug abuse. Being a bit suspicious I'd set up a fake account on the dating site and it turns out he dumped me for me if that makes sense. After a few weeks he contacted me one day asking how I was & said he'd like to keep in touch. In no time at all we were back to texting regularly and before long we were seeing each other again. This time it was even better. I spent 5 nights a week at his place, the other 2 he had his 10 year old son and I stayed at home with my 17 year old daughter. In May this year we (myself, my daughter, her friend, my OH and his son) joined 41 of my family members and friends in America for my nieces wedding, we shared a villa with my brothers family. We had a great time and it was nice that both our kids had the week with us together as usually we don't see each other the nights we have our kids so we don't tend to see much of each other's kids. When we got back from America we went back to our usual routine, the 5 nights a week and Sunday day time. Sunday before last he took his son and the sons friend on a long weekend to a camping site (Thursday to Sunday night) so it was Monday before I saw him. We were absolutely fine and discussing finding time this week so we could go and look at cars for my daughter, he didn't want me to buy one that he hadn't checked over to make sure it's ok. On Sunday I was half way to his place (a half an hour drive) when he text to say he had to have his son that afternoon. I was a bit angry and upset as we hadn't spent time together the weekend before, and knowing that he'd probably have his son more now it's the 6 weeks holiday, I sent him a text saying wot was the point of having a relationship if we couldn't make time for each other at the weekend. It was on impulse and I knew immediately I shouldn't have sent it! His response was a real blow!! He said he understood but was struggling to commit. Between his work (his own refurb business), his health and his son he doesn't get time for himself let alone a relationship and he felt we should take time out to see how we feel. He said he struggles wiv life generally and is a long way off being well again (I know this) and he said he loves me but is struggling wiv a relationship. He said 'let's leave it a couple of weeks and see how we feel'. It's like someone suddenly flicked a switch. The kind caring loving person I've just spent most of a year with has broken my heart a second time....strangely the same time of year (August). I'm so confused. My head tells me I should try to move on but my heart tells me not to. I want to be with him and for some reason I've got the feeling it's not over but I may just be kidding myself. I'd really appreciate it if someone could enlighten me as to what has just happened because I really don't understand.
He got what he wanted when he wanted and time now to move on to use some another sucker..
Remember you're in control too. If he's going back and forth, then make a choice. tell him what you want and if it's not going to be more than what it is then leave him. You have to think about your happiness and sanity as well. He's had enough time to know if he wants a relationship with you.
thank you for your replies. I wish I could say I'm strong enough to walk away but I don't think I am. I'm really struggling with this one.
Yes! Yes! You are strong enough. It's only going to get harder on you if you keep going. What would you tell someone else to or a sister or daughter who's in the same situation as you? Don't be afraid. Think about things you've gotten over and walked away from. And you're stronger from it. You deserve to happy and to be with someone who wants to make you happy :) I hope you get through this.
Sounds like 5 days a week is not enough for you and it's getting a little too much for him. Summer vacation for the kids complicates things.
Time to sit down and re-do the "schedule" with him. If it's not enough for you, then move on.
That's about the only thing you can do. It sounds like you want much more than he can give.
thank u Dragon Pink 12 I wish I shared ur confidence. This is engulfing me all day every day and I can't think about anything else. I wish I had some answers. Thank u Susiedqqq but I'm not sure re-doing the schedule is an option. His 'I think we need some time to see how we feel' and 'let's leave it a couple of weeks and see how we feel', both in the same text, leave me confused. Do I take him literally? Or is he the worlds best actor and I've been the biggest mug? Is he finishing this for good and just letting me down gently? We haven't spoken since Sunday, as he seemed to put across that he needed space and was struggling I thought it better to give him that, although it's killing me, so I'm not sure if contacting him at the moment would push him even further away. I don't understand how someone can be so loving and caring (he wears his heart on his sleeve), even on Sunday morning when I saw him last, to Sunday afternoon and he needs time and space coz he's struggling to commit? I feel so confused, hurt, upset and let down.
You totally ignored what he said "he does not have time for himself let alone a relationship" He continues to struggle with life and is along way from being well. How much clearer can he get? He wants some space and distance from you.
Apparently letting you down gently does not work with you. Stop pursuing him, when or if he's ready he'll let you know. Respect his wishes.
thank u for ur reply Skinnygirl. Letting me down gently doesn't work wiv me, maybe because I'm so confused and lots of things he's said and done have let me believe everything was good wiv us. At the beginning of May he asked me to move in wiv him. I've spent the last two months getting my place up together to either rent it out or sell it so hence I am really struggling to understand this. And at the moment I haven't pursued him at all and am respecting his wishes I'm merely trying to understand more about the situation, how it's come about and wot may lie ahead.
ps: I do believe you might be hurt,upset,let down, but how can you be confused, he told you why he wasn't ready for a relationship. His plate seems full with work, his health and his son.
Step back and be a friend.
Did not realize he asked you to move in with him. I see now why you're confused, asking you to move in with him was a big step. Selling your home may not be in your best interest. What would you have done had you sold it? What was it like staying with him 5 days a week?
thank you Skinnygirl. I realise now selling my home would not be a good idea. Seeing him 5 days a week was good, we get on well, talk, laugh, mess about, we like a lot of the same things and have lots in common. I did get to see exactly how tired he gets. He works a long day and quite often has to do quotes/look at jobs after his days work so sometimes isn't home until 8pm so by the time he baths and eats it's about 9pm! Also he's in chronic pain most of the time, he has a problem with his gait....as he walks his foot rolls outwards too much so he's walking on the outer edge of his feet and the pressure is on his ankles, travelling up to his knees and back. Last Xmas he had surgery where his toes on both feet were cut shortened and pinned. It was a horrendous time! I nursed him thru it but it was tough going. After he'd recovered we soon realised that the op hadn't worked. He resigned himself to a life of pain....but I didn't! I encouraged him to go back to his GP they referred him for physio (they couldn't help him) and a local foot specialist (they couldn't help him either) so I researched it and found he needed a bio mechanics expert found one in a sports centre nearby, it's been a long wait for the appointment but he's just been fitted wiv special insoles to help alleviate some pressure, I also encouraged him to c a back osteopath to help wiv his backache and I found a bio mechanics surgeon in a hospital who he has now seen. He said the op should never have been done coz it was never gonna solve the problem. He is now booked in again for an op (at Xmas again) to have bone taken off the inside edge of his heel, his big toe and the area behind it - to tip his balance back inwards a bit. I know he struggles wiv it all and I know he's in constant pain but I've only ever tried to help him, support him and be there for him. I just wanted him to have a better life and to be happy. The only problem that I know of or can see was me getting miffed coz I wanted to spend Sunday day time wiv him but couldn't. I told him (by text) that r relationship seemed pointless if we couldn't make time for each other. It was a knee jerk reaction and maybe I should have phrased it better, but I certainly wasn't prepared for the text I got from him.
further to this thread, I would just like a bit more advice, if possible. I still have a front door key to my partners house, he hasn't asked for it back but I'm not sure if he would expect me to just return it or if I do would that look like I'm being 'funny'? Also he has the paperwork and the spare wheel to my car (long story) do I ask for it or do I sit back and wait? I feel in limbo and not sure what I should be doing or not doing.
i wish the last post had been deleted before I stupidly used the link provided. I was asked for name age and location of myself and my ex, I gave false ones, I was also asked for a picture of myself and my ex, I said I didn't have any. After several strange emails I was asked to make a detailed statue of my ex....what the hell? And if I can't make one they will contact someone who can make one for me!!?? All I wanted was some help with a problem I have and a really hard and upsetting time I'm having at the moment :'-(