Issues with boyfriend's brother
This isn’t a typical situation you hear about every day, but I was hoping for some advice because I am currently at a loss about what to do..
I began a new job recently that I’ve been with for about four months. They are expanding rapidly and looking to hire a ton of new employees. If you refer someone, you receive $1,000 after their first 90 days of employment. My long-term boyfriend’s brother has been diligently searching for a sales position for quite some time now, so out of the kindness of my heart (while ignoring the possible consequences), I helped him score an interview. My company enforces a “no nepotism policy”, so I knew they did not mind the connection. Although the thought of the $1,000 refer award was enticing, I wanted to change his life for the better more than anything- He (my boyfriend’s brother – 26 yrs old) has been working at home alongside his father (who is also a salesman) and while I do not know the full extent of what they do, I’ve witnessed and heard of numerous signs that it’s not the most stable or the most moral way to go about doing business. The father is a very selfish, narcissistic man with entitlement issues. He does not want his son to “leave his nest” and make his own name for himself, because that would mean he couldn’t control him anymore and use him to make more money. Thinking that I could possibly assist him in escaping from that prison was something I was determined to do. He didn’t realize his own potential yet due to his father’s relentless brainwashing, but I thought could give him the push he needed..
He pushed through all of the interviews and in the end, got offered the job. He was reluctant at first about accepting, but he decided it was his best option- And he was sick of working with his father. Although the compensation package he was presented with was generous (about $20 an hour, plus commission and full benefits), he made a much higher sum of money at one point in time working with his father. In the distant past, he made six figures from home and drove a Porsche once upon a time- So for him, “settling” for an entry level sales position at a corporate job, must have felt beneath him.
Throughout his first week of employment, he was really liking it so far. By the start of his second week, things began to seem a little different.. I knew his father was getting to him (he and my boyfriend still live at home). I figured his father would try to fill his head with negative thoughts and poison his optimistic attitude about his new job: “You don’t need to put up with that corporate BS”, “Working 9-5, Monday - Friday is for slaves” and “You shouldn’t have to answer to anyone, be your own boss”. My boyfriend told me he now hated his job. The expectations were “too high” (unattainable, unreachable), the “corporate” attitude/ethics were absurd, it required too much work and he wasn’t fond of his colleagues. This past Monday (which would have been the start of his third week), he did not show up. He called our recruiting coordinator about an hour after his shift was supposed to start, telling her that he quit.
This is the part I need advice on: I was livid. After talking him up to my boss, the sales guys and his boss (the sales manager)- This was a slap in the face. It wasn’t the fact that he decided it wasn’t for him, but how he went about it. It gets worse. My boss called him and tried to convince him to stay and give it a chance. After all, he only went through training and hadn’t even made it on the phones yet. His rebuttal? “I’ll be honest- It doesn’t motivate me to come to work every day and see junk cars in a parking lot.” Are you kidding me? I’m not going to get into what went through my mind when I heard he said this (my boyfriend told me he admitted to saying this to my boss- I guess he thought it was humorous). Not only did his approach and behavior make me look bad, but it made me look like a complete idiot. It is now Thursday and I have not yet received an apology from him and I don’t expect to at this point. Am I justified to feel upset?
Not only that- But I am disappointed that my boyfriend hasn’t stood up for me and voiced that he thinks it was wrong of his brother to act the way he did, let alone hasn’t apologized or said a word to me. Maybe I’m being too dramatic or overanalyzing, but call me crazy- I feel offended and disrespected.
I’d appreciate any advice anyone is willing to give. Thank you for reading.
This is one of those life learning moments you won't soon forget. Yes your justified in feeling upset. Since you had never worked with him, how could you know what kind of work skills/ ethics he had. He found himself in the real world and ran back to his father where he was safe.
This is the risk you expose yourself to when recommending someone. His comment to your boss was immature and shows he he is a jerk with no class. Yes your BF should have stood up to his brother on your behalf, rather than be the middle man on behalf his brother. Tell your boyfriend that you expected at the very less he would have been Man enough to contact you directly.
Lesson learn- You're not idiot your intentions were in the right place.