I am tired of being used; it hurts so much
Okay, so first of all this is not used as in with a significant other but with friends and acquaintances. It should also be noted I am senior in high school. I finally like people don't care about me or, or I don't even know. It's frustrating, I am one of the most loyal people I know, I care and I follow through with what I say, I am always available and try to make plans often. I am an extrovert living in a world of introverts and it is so hard. You always read online articles titled as 'How to understand introverts?' Well what about the extroverts? I understand that being an introvert has it's own issues but I wish people would focus and understand extroverts as well. My 18th birthday party is coming up. I invited people. But I knew that my friends would never come or rspv so I decide to call them a week later to check up. Most asked "where is it again?" this frustrates me because this has been happening for years and they never write things down so I tell them again and they're just like "Ehhh. . . maybe xD" Honestly that feels like a big slap in the face, I mean this is my 18th birthday party! And none of them seem to care!!!! I spent about a month using all my savings for decor and food and other things on the party and you can't even remember the date? I thought people would come because last time they said "This is the best party we've ever been to!" I think they be going for the pool and not me but I'm not sure. Anyway when ever I ask people to hang they are just like "Maybe" and I KNOW they are lying so I end up going alone (Comedy clubs, restaurants, movies, the state faire, etc.) I hate going alone but hey, at least I get to go right? My counselor says it will be different in college but my parents said not to hold my breath, I don't know what to think anymore, I plan on going to college with a dorm because then I'll have a roommate and we'll have a connection and more likely to be friends after but I don't know if it even works like that. I thought about saving money to move to another country and learn the language spoken there because I heard that people are nicer in other countries but I don't know. I just don't know. I'm just tired. Tired and clueless.
Also I can't make new friends at my school there are only 300 students and I tried and what I've got is what I've got I guess. I tried making clubs but nobody would do their part in the club and they flaked. I transferred to a big school 2 years ago and I was horribly bullied so I transferred back to the small school. SO now I kinda just work on productive activites such as driver's permit, college and high school, work, doing odd jobs, chores, etc. This isn't what it's supposed to be like
I think I know what the problem is: you're in high school!!!
I was in high school once, and thankfully only once. Parts of it were OK, and parts were pretty rough. Here's what I could have been writing to a helpline when I was in high school, if there had been such a thing as a helpline, if there had been such a thing as a computer.
One, oh, guess what happened today, Dear Diary? I had a nervous breakdown in class while I was supposed to be reading. And my girlfriend was seated in the desk right next to me. It was a psychotic episode my psychologist told me. I still splattered all over the place. The 3 nervous breakdowns were to come later. I'm now on lithium for manic-depression, and I haven't had a nervous breakdown since 1990 and everybody is glad. Me too.
Transferred to a new high school, and the basketball coach put me on the squad, then proceeded to embarrass me in front of a full high school gum during a game, and in front of a girl I was dating for that game.
Then came college. Ohhh! Then came not being in school anymore, but working. I thought school was as bad as it got. It wasn't. It was the same thing, only worse, if that's humanly possible.
In college, try to find a line of work that you like. Try to stay positive when attempting to solve problems, for it increases the chances you will succeed.
I've gone to movies alone, and I know how tough it is. Oh, you want to move to a foreign country. When I had my nervous breakdown in class, I wanted an atom bomb to explode on the nearby football field so I could tell everyone, I knew it was going to fall, that's why I got nervous. But it never fell. The only thing that collapsed was me.
I changed schools the next year, I was going to anyway. And then, OK, college. I called my mother and when she made the trip over, I told her I wasn't good at anything that had to do with college. So, it was high school, all over again. And work, was college all over again. And retirement age is work all over again.
So, what are we going to do? Well, maybe help somebody else every now and then and quit worrying about ourselves so much? Maybe get a job helping people, and you can help them by telling them about your so-called life, and I can help them by telling them about my nervous breakdown.