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Relationship advice Hey there! So my boyfriend, of whom I met in January of this year, has had this best friend for around a year or two. She is a girl, but she identifies as a lesbian. She doesn't see herself marrying a man, but she's said that she wouldn't mind doing sexual things with boys. He and her are very close friends, and she is aware that we are in a serious relationship. She texted him though, asking him about his private parts, and telling him to describe them to her one night because she was feeling "horny". She even talked about having sex with him. Then the next day she apologized and they moved on. He told me, which I thanked him for. It made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable though, and unsure of her. I was hurt because she knows we are in a relationship. So now, they're going on a senior trip together a couple of hours away in the mountains, and it's just them two for 5 days. I'm just a bit uncomfortable with that thought, and am worried that she'll try and do something with him, or she'll be intoxicated and "horny" and try to initiate something. I have FULL trust in him, but it's her I don't trust. Should I be feeling uncomfortable? Should I say something, or move on and just forget it? Thanks!!

Help!!

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Never heard of a senior trip with only two people. Tell you BF that you feel very uncomfortable about this situation, and it would be inappropriate based on what has happen. If he make excuses and doesn't consider you feelings, and goes on this trip with this girl THEN YOU NEED RE-THINK THIS RELATIONSHIP.

How was it that these two got paired up? Aren't senior trips usually with a group of seniors? Can't he find a male friend ?

Yes SAY Something!

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Boyfriend's BF needs to step back. Your boyfriend need to tell her he is involved. I wonder why he has not done this yet and declared himself as "not available" any more.

Lesbians are NOT interested in the penis. This girl is not a lesbian. It's a "cover" so she can act provocative, yet put up a boundary. She is teasing your BF.


Can you see what game they are playing? Step back and see what happens on the trip WITHOUT your interference. See if he deserves YOU.




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Just as the above people said tell him how you feel about it make sure that he knows.so of he ever gets into a situation where things might get sexual with his bf he will at least remember what you said and hopefully stop him from what ever he is going to take part of.And if it is s trip with only two people I'm sure it is possible that u can come as well if he doesn't seem to want you to come with him probably something is up.text him time to time while he is on the trip

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If they both go on this trip I wouldn't trust either of them.

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"it would be inappropriate based on what has happen. If he make excuses and doesn't consider you feelings, and goes on this trip with this girl THEN YOU NEED RE-THINK THIS RELATIONSHIP."

Yup!

"I wonder why he has not done this yet and declared himself as "not available" any more.
Lesbians are NOT interested in the penis. This girl is not a lesbian. It's a "cover" so she can act provocative, yet put up a boundary. She is teasing your BF. "

Yup!

"And if it is s trip with only two people I'm sure it is possible that u can come as well if he doesn't seem to want you to come with him probably something is up."

Yup!


VioletR,

Here's what they're doing:

First - the rule/fact: the partner that feels most insecure is the one who acts out in ways like this. So that's him, isn't it (yup!).

They each have their own separate agendas, I reckon, but, unfortunately for you, those agendas are compatible. So they've teamed up in order that they both get what the consequence they want. Or he's using her (and she knows it) and she's using him (and he knows it), put it that way.

His: To squeeze greater reassurance out of you regarding your strength of feelings for him. Whether he feels on the backfoot with you in that regard (for whatever reason(s) thinks he's into you more than you are him) or whether he wants greater sense of closeness and emotional dependency from you but without having to first invest more of himself emotionally as would keep increasing his vulnerability (because he's still a Once-Bitten who can't stomach the thought of any more rejection and disappointment just yet, not even just potentially) - that's his plan ... That if you feel threatened you'll have him constantly at the forefront of your mind and, out of a need to avoid your fears becoming real, will be apt to become quite clingy (aim, fire, bullseye!). Secondly, while the cat's away (him), you (the mouse) won't even FEEL like playing. You'll be too busy worrying about what he and she are up to. Therefore, any potential male advances that might come your way while he's not there to signal "UCK OFF, PAL!" (by, say, having his arm territorially around you and being able to radiate "evils" at any and every eyeballing male) will fail to work on you. In fact, you having a face like a Wet Weekend, sat there at a bar, say, worrying about whether he and she are at that precise moment getting it on (not!) would guarantee that no man would try to advance on his territory IN THE FIRST PLACE (aim, fire, bullseye!). In short, he's trying to make himself feel safe whilst he's away from you and you're left wide open where you can be stolen away.

Hers: Either she is [a] deliberately acting along with him, just to help him out with this campaign, just because she's his friend and they do traditionally do such complicit favours for one another OR [b] she feels threatened by you in terms of the possibility of her losing her best bud as you and he get closer and closer and she gets asked out to play less and less and LESS. If she can make you threatened and angsty, you're going to be ON HIS CASE (nag-nag-nag-nag-nag) which is going to put a spanner into your lovely works. You'll end up broken-up and she'll get her bff back full-time again. Aim, fire, bullseye.

If the latter then this mutual co-acting deal is more a TACIT understanding and deal. Or, of course, your boyfriend is perfectly aware of where she's coming from, doesn't give a sh*t about that or whether she really fancies him or not, and is just making use of her little game for his own ends (as above-stated allure-removal mechanism).

They are NOT going to get up to A THING. Trust me on that. She doesn't fancy him or quite fancy the idea of sex with men, blah-b*llocksy-blah, and he doesn't fancy her ONE IOTA. They're just trying to manipulate you and each other, as I've explained. In which case - think about it - it would have been a GOOD move on his part to have oh-so-helpfully-and-honestly told you about her text. (Think about it, he could have slapped her wrist but said NOTHING because nothing would have NEEDED to have been said.)

But obviously the campaign or two campaigns in tandem is UNACCEPTABLE as far as you or anyone healthy and honest is concerned. So they deserve having their jaunt completely and utterly ruined. By you. [insert evil-for-the-power-of-good cackle]

Here's how:

You act like you've given yourself a good, sensible talking to and are now perfectly okay with their trip ("Have a LOVELY time! :-)"). In the run-up to his leaving, you talk about the fact of his impending trip in terms of *positives*, i.e. letting him hear you 'planning out-loud' all the people you can see and the places you can visit with them whilst given this forced opportunity where you get to benefit by 'being' single for a while. "Oooh, and whilst you're away I think I'll go visit so-and-so as well!... haven't seen her for ages!.... **heard she's just broken up with her bf recently.... (no, you've never met her, we've been friends since we were nippers but don't get the chance to see each other that often)...".

(** What does a newly, single and heartbroken woman want to do with an old and trusted girl friend when she visits? Answer: go CRUISING FOR MEN!)

Are you getting my gist? ;-)

THIS way, HE will be the one to have a face like a wet weekend whilst he's gone. MOST un-alluring. I mean, who wants to snog a depressed and very angsty, whingy, whiny person (even *if* they were inclined to to begin with)?!

OR, if you don't want to play games back and want this done on the conscious level, just tell him straight how now that she's well and truly identified herself as a (cough!) threat to you and yours & his relationship, then, him going anywhere alone with her from this point onwards is a big, fat, no-no of a dealbreaker...."Go ahead, punk - make my day!".... Box him into a corner.

Those are your two options.

But why is he seemingly (bleedin' obviously) so insecure over you anyway? Just his typical male territorialism having its little tantrum or has he over the last 6 months been the giver-gusher and you the guarded holder-backer? If so then, as I say, this is his (stupid) way of trying to force you to admit how much you're into him.

Bear that in mind and (if it's partly your fault thus onus to co-fix) do something about it once he gets back in terms of making him feel safer, more appreciated...so THAT he doesn't KEEP doing this sort of thing on you. Twatus Maximus, like most men when nervous and insecure, he may be but... men also don't just try one thing once. They try to 'hammer the picture-hanging nail' into the wall using a banana - once....twice... (some thrice) - and THEN try switching to hammering using their slipper (once...twice...). Then comes them trying whatever other new tactic a couple of times. Then they switch back to using the banana (assuming you haven't murdered them in the interim, of course). However emotionally intelligent he is dictates how soon it'll be before he picks up the damn HAMMER - which is him JUST BEING HONEST ENOUGH TO DISCLOSE HIS FEARS. But at only 6 months, I'd say you're not there yet (full trust) so my vote is you just play the surreptitious game as blows his (and hers) out of the water. The added bonus will be you NOT having to be above-table "heavy" with him so soon.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-6