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Affairs and what to do

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I am married and this guy is married but we flirt all the time and there is definately an attraction there. I have so many mixed emotions right now and I just dont know what to do.
Part of me wants to start an affair. We have never ever spoken about the attraction we have towards each other but we both know that it is there.
I am so confused and I do think about him all the time. I am not sure if he even wants to act on these feelings. I have no idea about his home life and if he is happy.
Sometimes he will back off and I will be so confused as to his feelings. All the time though he is talking to me and looking from my eyes to my lips constantly, like he wants something but then nothing ever happens.
I just dont know what to do

Affairs and what to do

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Stop your inappropriate behavior. You're married he's married. He backs off because he knows he should. Let this be just a flirty moment you had.


Respect your marriage and your husband.

Affairs and what to do

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"I just dont know what to do."

How about NOTHING?

I had a friend who got turned on by a co-worker and by the time she got home, her husband received all the benefit of her being so "ready." That's another place you can put all this sex-energy.

I hope in 3 months you can laugh about all this. There's nothing to be ashamed of in being attracted to another man, but ACTING on it is a whole 'nuther thing.

HE knows his boundaries. Be sure you know yours.

What's going on in your marriage, by the way?

Affairs and what to do

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Nothing is going on in my marriage and I think that is the problem. I never married for love and that was a huge mistake in the first place. My husband and I have not much in common and different view points about almost everything. I feel like I am alone in the first place. I think this marrige just got "comfortable".

Affairs and what to do

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Sussiedqqq and skinnygirl are right.

You start, you won't be able to quit. If you can't quit, you will be found out.

Or as Hank Williams put it:


Your cheatin' heart
Will make you weep
You'll cry and cry
And try to sleep

But sleep won't come
The whole night through
Your cheatin' heart
Will tell on you

When tears come down
Like falling rain
You'll toss around
And call my name

You'll walk the floor
The way I do
Your cheatin' heart
Will tell on you

Your cheatin' heart
Will pine some day
And crave the love
You threw away

The time will come
When you'll be blue
Your cheatin' heart
Will tell on you

Affairs and what to do

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Have you thought about telling him how you feel?

Affairs and what to do

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Don't do it. I know how much trouble it can cause. Did you marry him for money then or maybe it was a religious thing?

Affairs and what to do

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No, I didnt marry him for money at all. He and I got married because we had a child together and he wanted to have a family.
I do love my husband and with this thread I have decided to forget all this nonsense and focus on my marriage. God gave him to me and I need to stay true to my commitments.

Thanks

Affairs and what to do

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I've been there. Do what you want? Though do what you can live with.

Affairs and what to do

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How are you going to "focus" on the marriage?

Please get some professional help to figure out how you feel - or you will find yourself repeating this behavior again.

Go alone, if needed.

Affairs and what to do

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Commitment Minoris trumps Commitment Majoris, even when only done consciously by-rote? I thought you said you're religious?

Buckle up, kiddo because you've just got me 'started'!.. [crowd runs screaming]

Maybe "God" 'gave him to you' to teach you a lesson you'd need for later life (i.e. a stepping stone to enlightenment), either to ensure you'd behave a certain way so's not to majorly lose out beyond the foreseeable horizon, or to punish you for having brought a kid into the world with someone PRIOR to actually discovering whether the relationship even *warranted* life-long commitment (or, as is usually the case - BOTH)?

It's quite simple: you're not attracted to your husband, never really were (or certainly not enough for-life) thus didn't even marry him out truly-madly-deeply love to begin with. The outcome today proves so. You and your then-boyfriend married first and foremost for practical and status-centred accoutrement reasons (regardless that it was his idea and pressure), hence have too little in common and not enough "magic glue" (chemistry) to force you both to try to FIND commonalities.

You CANNOT call it marriage in the proper sense of the word, the way in which "god" intended, if it makes you feel alone quote/unquote. YOUR BOYFRIEND may have (thought he) wanted an insipid relationship to remain free to work hardest on other things he (stupidly) places greater importance on, like his career(?), yet receive all the perks that belong to true love, but that doesn't mean YOU have to. If he suddenly jumped off a cliff I doubt you'd unblinkingly-unthinkingly follow then, would you?

In other words, "god" gave you both a priceless, 24-carat Gold, diamond-encrusted tin-opener, which you together decided to pick up, but instead of opening magic tins with it, are using it as a doorstop. Isn't that behavioural Blasphemy?

Granted, you shouldn't have got pregnant with a man you'd not fully and properly test-driven in the first place. But you did, so - spilt milk, time to learn (via this lesson called drip-drip dissatisfied/unhappy/tempt-able) how not to spill that brand of milk ever again in your lifetime. If god/life PROVIDES these lessons then that's all the evidence one needs to say learning is the point of life. Or one of them. We may not all know what FOR but - so what? That doesn't alter the glean-ably hard evidence.

As far as I've been able to work out (and I've paid HUGE attention), any god gives second chances. Otherwise, there's zero point to the existence of consequences and learning ability (think about it). What he evidently DOESN'T approve of is second chances that are taken whilst the first chance is still actively in-situ (because then you can do NEITHER relationship to the extent of designed intention). You can therefore do the decent thing without it meaning you have to put up and shut up and suffer a life without matching hearts rather than just matching practical/social needs. It's called (amicable) divorce and is a way to show you recognise you made a mistake that you now know and wish to never to repeat.

You've woken up and smelled the coffee before him, sure. But if there's coffee - wake up one day he WILL.

Your child needs to have a whole gamut of memories in order to form a mental model as a tool for its own future happiness (and all that follow it down that line) of what marriage means and was 'invented' for ("let there be light!"): memories of mum and dad consistently behaving towards one another 95% of the time like two people IN-LOVE so that that spiritual tool and what it achieves/produces/emanates gets passed on like a relay-race baton to preserve there being this particular counter-tool to evil (misery=selfishness of whatever degree). Otherwise, s/he's going to grow up believing that marriage is a practical and/or financial, on-paper business deal, true love secondary. With that the future case, s/he's going to end up denied via this insideous, off-kilter programming of one of the greatest perks that "god"/life/"fate" supplies in return for ones very lengthily sustained endeavours to cooperate most successfully with this plane/dimension whereby the results go on giving, generation after generation. We are software that is meant to self-upgrade, in other words, VIA OUR RESPONSES TO LESSONS. So to deny one of tomorrow's adults the requisite full toolbelt towards individual happiness and all subsequent, daily, society-affecting ripple effects, despite you have other choices as renders it unnecessary, would - certainly by the laws of Nature and logic - be a giant "sin".

It's clear that you love your husband like you'd love a special friend. Great! But marriage is not a main perk that belongs to friends. Only lovers. So if you're incapable of executing the *whole* love package (through nothing more than age-based, past ignorance as led to making a bad move and, now, a realisation/admission that this union *not* the real deal) then you owe it to "god", to that child, to yourselves and to community/society at large to free one another up for finding your true soulmates.

That's my opinion but it's based on commonsense and evidence of what does (as opposed to what does not) enhance the progress of the specie, both animalistically and spiritually, from micro to macro level. Hopefully it'll help.

HOWEVER, saying all of that: IF your claim of there never being any "godly"-level chemistry was made purely out of a sudden and uncharacteristic need to feel less guilty over your almost-actions, then couples counselling should precedd any thoughts of divorce.

You don't have to feel guilty anyway because you haven't made any inner feelings/thoughts manifest in reality whereby they can change courses (and in an unfair, upsetting way). So for all you know, you were manoeuvred, courtesy of this potential stolen fruit (work colleague), into feeling those emotions as a huge sign to commence re-evaluating and decide to start again the RIGHT way. So why waste time worrying about a tap on the shoulder and a tacit memo from on-high? Be grateful for it instead.

Lesson then gleaned by nipper: "Sometimes humans make ignorant mistakes that are concrete enough to potentially have far-reaching repercussions but that are changeable and atone-able. Isn't "God" kind and patient? That must mean "Hell" is optional, not mandatory."

Affairs and what to do

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It's good that you aren't straying from your husband, and that you aren't getting another married person stray. But at the same time it's upsetting that you are staying together "For the kids." You should love the person you're with. If you don't, there are issues you should be discussing with your husband.

If you can't work it out, life is too short not to find someone that you have feelings for.

Affairs and what to do

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Soulmate: As always your comments are insightful, meaningful and so helpful.
I hope ARIELAGAIN takes your advice.

Affairs and what to do

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(Cheers and backatcha! :-))

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

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