I don't know anymore
This is my first time doing something like this, but I’ve tried everything else and this is my last resort. Please leave some good advice.
I am 16 years old, and there is a girl in my year who I have been close friends with for over 4 years. A few months back I started feeling more for her. When in May I found out that she felt the same way about me, you can imagine how I felt. We decided to give a relationship a shot, but we both agreed to take things slow and keep it private so that if anything went wrong we wouldn’t have ruined our friendship.
Nine days later she told me that she wanted to end things because it was “too weird”. I thought things were going fine (slow but fine nonetheless), but apparently she didn’t feel the same way, and wanted to end it before we things got any more serious.
Since then we have had many conversations, and arguments, about what happened. I still have strong feelings for her, and can’t get her out of my head. I have told her this several times, but each time she just says “sorry it didn’t work out”. It seems to me that she lost interest in me sometime while we were going out, and I think this is one of the reasons she ended it (though she won’t admit that). Her best advice to me is to ‘try and get over her’. I have been trying to do this for over two months, but my feelings have grown even stronger since then. I have gone through frustration, anger, and so much confusion that I really don’t know anything for certain anymore. I would tell her this, but she has admitted that some things I have told her have made her upset in the past, and I would never do anything to put her through that again. But all these emotions inside me are just constantly raging inside me, and I feel I need to do something to put my mind at rest or else I don’t think I will be able to take it for much longer. Please help me. What do I do?
Dear Lost and Lonely,
unfortunately our feelings can get out of control, not only when we are in our teens but all of us at any time can be overwhelmed. Most of us have been where you are now at some time in our lives. I suggest you find someone you trust to talk to if that is possible. If you are feeling that things are getting out of control you could ask your doctor for a referral for counselling or your local citizens advice bureau maybe able to point you in the right direction. Is there someone older around that you feel you can talk to.
When we are going through this fiery pain and torment it seems as if things cannot change, but they do. You don't mention any of your interests, is there something else you could try to focus on or can you go away for a few days to put some distance between you and to give yourself the opportunity to put things into perspective.
One day you will meet someone who will return your affection and devotion and what you are going through now will be a distant memory. I know this doesn't help at the moment but maybe it will give you hope for happier times in the future. Wishing you peace and joy-Rosie.
Rosie- alright, maybe my first post was a little strong. I have always been a sensible, level-headed guy, and i don't intend to do anything stupid, if that's what you meant by the counseling thing. As for talking to someone, very few people know that anything actually happened, only a very select group of close friends, all of whom I have talked to about it. Nobody else knows, not even my family, and I would very much like to keep it that way.
Just forget all the stuff I said at the end, I need advice on what to do now. She knows how I feel, but won't accept it. I've tried to get over her, but I can't. I'm kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place if you know what i mean, and I need all the help I can to get out... thanks a lot for your last reply btw.
Dear Lost and Lonely,
It's difficult to understand the situation. Does she find things 'too weird' because she thinks of you as a close friend and not in any other way? What is it that was said that made her upset? If you are finding it difficult to express your feelings to her how about putting it into a letter-even if you don't actually give it to her,it may help you get some clarity and rationalise your feelings..Could you ease off a bit and try to go back to just being friends again?
Or perhaps you need to make a complete break from her. With the holidays coming up presumably you won't be seeing her in your day-to-day routine which might make things easier.
Keep cool-Good luck Rosie.
I have been in a situation where i couldn't get someone off of my mind. It's not easy, but since the feeling isn't mutual, you must move on
somehow. Truthfully, I still think about that person from time to time. Be glad of the time you had together and use that to become a better person!
Talking about it with someone you know/trust.
Find something else to focus on. What are your interests/hobbies? This is a tough one, but you have to move on and make your life more positive. Build on your life as it is now.
Take a breath, analyze the situation. She's not the only girl in the world. Think of this as a learning experience. You care about her, right? So, if she ever needs you to talk to, you'll be there. Be glad of your friendship!
Rosie- Yes, she did think it's weird because we are such close friends, though I didn't think so...
I had told her how i felt about her on several occasions, in the hope she would feel the same (seems like a mistake now, but i was so desperate)... I didnt know I was making her upset at the time, it was only afterwards she told me. You see we had most of our conversations by text, and it is hard to tell how the person on the other end is feeling...
As for the letter, thats kind of what I'm doing now isn't it? just this way there's less chance of anyone finding it, and i can get strangers' opinions on it, which I find strangely helpful.
Well, I live in Ireland, so we got our Summer Holidays back at the start of June. I have only seen her 5 or 6 times since then, and talked to her very rarely. That seems a big enough break to me, doesn't it? And yet my feelings towards her have only grown stronger in the that time...
As for trying to go back to being friends, most of the time when we talk to each other we both act like nothing ever happened, but there's always that kind of awkwardness that you know will be there for a long time...
TILES- As I have said, I have been "moving on" for about 2 months now, with little or no contact with her, but my feeling are doing nothing but getting stronger...
As for the time we had together, 9 days, over half of which I was in London, isn't much to go by....
I have talked to everyone I feel comfortable talking to, hasn't helped. I have taken up guitar, I love it, it keeps my mind off her while I'm playing, but as soon as I put it down, my mind is drawn straight back.
The thing is, I don't really want to move on. She is an amazing girl, and I would give anything I have, everything I am, to get her back...
Since getting over her is very difficult for you, it may be very helpful to you if you share the things you like about her. What is special about her, in your opinion, that sets her apart from everyone else? How did she make your life better? You can never forget an amazing person, so live your life as best as you can. Hope this is helpful!
TILES- there are so many things i love about her, i couldn't possible fit them all in one post... she's beautiful, but natural beauty, not the inch-thick-makeup kind of beauty that girls think they need... she's funny, she's smart, she's talented, she's is one of the only people i can have a decent conversation with... i could go on all day. she is everything I could ever want, and I just can't let that go...
Remembering what is good about her is not a bad thing. Maybe you just need more time than she does to cope with the relationship being over.
If you want to talk about your life as it is now or any other problems, feel free to do so. I would rather you not feel lost and lonely.
I feel exactly the same way... I felt in love with this girl from my class, with whom I am really good friends... I would even say, we are best friends. I wasn't really sure what to do.. I noticed she kept posting some weird quotes on http://wwww.facebook.com
about love and friendship and how those people who are in love with their best friend are luckiest. I know for a fact that she thinks that I am her best friend, so I thought it was some sort of a sign. I found courage to ask her out and she answered that she is not interested in a relationship and wants to be friends. I feel terrible.