My wife is pushing me into depression
SEVENSONGS - Aug 18 2015 at 15:44
My wife and I have been together for seven years now. Married for one.
To cut right to the root of it, lately she has been completely rejecting my sexual advances, and on the rare occasion that she accepts me she has no will to actively participate. She just wants to lie there. There is no love in that, and no passion and I find myself completely unsatisfied. Now don't misunderstand, I don't need to have constant sex, and really the problem is very little about the sex. It's mostly about how terrible I'm beginning to feel due to the constant rejection. I'm beginning to hate myself. To hate my relationship. I'm becoming resentful to the point where all the things I do for her daily are becoming a nuisance to me. I feel like "why should I rub your feet and your back and serve your beck and call when you get home, if you don't even care about me anymore?". I do everything I can to provide for her when she comes home and I make sure everything is taken care of while shes gone and once she returns she barely looks at me. Between the TV and her cell phone, I'm in third place and all I get to hear is how that B**** Keira made her mad at work today. When I ask for her to be intimate with me she makes this face like "yeah right" and then says Uhhhhh thats not gonna happen tonight. But it's every night. Then, after I tried to express myself by saying how bad it made me feel to be rejected and how that face she makes, makes me feel disgusting, her reply was to get mad and say i"m getting upset over nothing.
I can barely keep myself from coming unraveled and I still have to deal with what she wants ans her stresses, or I'm a bad husband.
I don't want a divorce. I want to fix this. I want to know how I can get it through her head that shes killing me right now, without her saying that I'm "upset over nothing", furthering my pain.
Please, any advice is welcome, but please don't be insulting.
No, she used to be a real firecracker in bed. She would initiate intimacy regularly and she made me feel wanted and attractive to her. She's has had periods of time where she wasn't all that interested in sex, but if I were to initiate she gladly accepted and we could be passionate. The only real change has been that her job is becoming stressful as she progresses in her career. I'm absolutely supportive of her 100% of the way and I do everything I can to keep her happy when she's home. I understand her not always wanting sex, as she is often home late and tired and that's fine. I don't need sex everyday or even every other day. But when we do have sex I expect intimacy and passion. That doesn't really happen. I feel like she's putting on a show and she always wants me to finish as quickly as possible. It's all very discouraging and she doesn't understand that it makes me feel unwanted, unloved, and un-confident. Not just with her but with everything in my life. It's debilitating.
Job is becoming more stressful HOW?
You say she comes home late and tired, but if she's got time to dedicate to her mobile or whinge about "that b*tch", she's got time to dedicate to one of the most important facets of a relationship. And her indicating she doesn't get how unwanted that makes you feel is just stupid. Stupid people don't have careers in the first place, let alone get ahead in them, so let's cut that crap of hers for a start, shall we?
Did she get promoted? Did her location in the office building change to suit? Who is she talking/texting to on her mobile. Is it about work stuff?
SUSIEDQQQ: I just meant that I'm losing confidence in myself in many facets of my life. Not that we have problems in other areas.
Soulmate: she was promoted. She's now responsible for working alongside a few peers to teach large groups of new hires. She's not stupid, but certainly can be ignorant. I agree that she should make time for us instead of wasting it on her phone. She's usually checking various social media sites such as Instagram or vine, and when she messages it's either with her best friend or on an organizational app called GroupMe with her coworkers.