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Childhood is stuff affecting me but the older I get the worse I get

Posted by
FLAME123
on Aug 20 2015 at 10:56
Member since: 20 August 2015
Children & Young People advice me and my brother got put into care when i was 4 years old but however hard i try i cant forget my past, when i was a child. Ive got depression, dyslexia, adhd and im epileptic. I started getting really angry quikly when i was about 4-5 after i was put in care but now im older when i get angry i lash out but its worse than it was. I feel i cant go near people and as an effect ive been isolating and was self harming. I just need some help really. Thankyou for anyone who cares

Childhood is stuff affecting me but the older I get the worse I get

Reply from
SKINNYGIRL
on Aug 20 2015 at 11:54
Member since: 06 July 2015
HI,

How old are you?

Are you under a doctors care for any of your medical/mental issues? If not why not? What does your self harming entail?

Please understand that there is help for people with your issues.

Childhood is stuff affecting me but the older I get the worse I get

Reply from
PJVL9
on Aug 20 2015 at 23:22
Member since: 20 July 2015
I am sorry to hear of your situation. It is good that you are reaching out for help. Were you abused when put into foster care? Do you know what you are angry about?

Was it something that happened in foster care, or you just didn't like foster care in general? Were you with your brother in foster care? Is he angry about anything as you say you are? Do you now who your parents were? Are you angry about that, about why you were put in foster care?

Why can't you go near people, because of your anger? I've had times like that in my life, where I didn't want to go around people, but being alone made me more depressed.

I know it's a confusing situation. Can you go to a group therapy type of thing, where other people in the group have problems, also. Does your brother have similar difficulties?

Can you be positive about solving problems? If you go to a psychiatrist, he or she may can help you. I'm manic-depressive and take lithium and an anti-depressant and it helps.

Have you ever been on medication? If so, did it help? I'm sorry you're having so much difficulty. Please try to be positive about helping yourself, and getting some help.

Can you look in the computer yellow pages for your town and find a psychiatrist? Do you have anybody who can help you with things like this?

Childhood is stuff affecting me but the older I get the worse I get

Reply from
FLAME123
on Aug 21 2015 at 18:57
Member since: 20 August 2015
Im 13 now and only on adhd medication. I try to cut a lot and just dont eat

My parents abused us. I dont really know i think i was angry at my parents. I just didnt really like it. My brother was in a different foster home then md and i dont know caus ei havnt really had contact. I know who my parents are yeah. Im scared what ill do to them. I used to go to therapy but group would scare me, just the idea scares me.

Childhood is stuff affecting me but the older I get the worse I get

Reply from
SKINNYGIRL
on Aug 23 2015 at 14:58
Member since: 06 July 2015
Because your only 13, I suggest that you write down how you're feeling, talk about your anger, explain that your are now cutting yourself. Express that you are unable to deal with all of these issues and you want help. Ask that your Foster Parent make an Dr appointment for you. When you go give the letter directly to the doctor. Also tell the doctor that your ADHD medication is not helping you with your other serious issues.

You must continue to speak up and make yourself heard. It's understandable why you feel the way you do. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Childhood is stuff affecting me but the older I get the worse I get

Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Aug 23 2015 at 16:51
Member since: 27 December 2013
Please share your feelings with the Dr. who gives you the medication for the ADHD. He can make a referral for counseling.

You must WORK on getting these feelings out and dealing with them or you will be saddled with them all your life! There's lots of wonderful things out there, and you don't want to miss them because you are stuck with feelings from the past.

Good luck and stay in touch with us here.

Childhood is stuff affecting me but the older I get the worse I get

Reply from
FLAME123
on Aug 23 2015 at 21:24
Member since: 20 August 2015
My english isnt very good and i find it difficult writing things down sometimes. In a way im scared of them giving me anything incase it changes who i am, i know its stupid. Ive tried counseling before and it didnt really help

Childhood is stuff affecting me but the older I get the worse I get

Reply from
PJVL9
on Aug 23 2015 at 21:31
Member since: 20 July 2015
FLAME123:

"Thankyou for anyone who cares"

Well, we do care, and we're glad you wrote back.

When I first learned my wife had a long-term illness, I called a couple I knew, and she encouraged me to pray over the situation. And as soon as I hung up the phone, I did.

I mean, I got down on my knees. Cause I didn't know what to do, and I needed help.

And the prayer did seem to help, cause I didn't see a lot of other people standing around offering to help. And it was just me, and to whoever I was praying to, and it was a comfort. So, I would encourage that. It might be a first step for you.

There might be some prayer or meditation websites on the net that can give you some direction.

You might look up some "courageous stories" or some such title on the search engine, to see if there are "inspirational stories" on the web.

Or "Inspirational sayings" on the search engine. Print out things that help you. Start a little notebook, or 3-ring binder you can go to when it might help.

Who do you stay with now? Is it OK, or what?

Do you have anyone you can go to group therapy with? You use to go to therapy, can you still go?

You're on ADHD medicine. So you are getting medical help.

Does that same place offer mental health counseling (as noted by susiedqqq above)or can they recommend such a place?

Would you consider going there, can you get a way to that place? Do you have transportation? Do you have anyone who can help you?

You've really showed something by reaching out for help here, and for answering back. So something in side of you is wanting to improve your situation, so that's a good thing.

You wrote, "My parents abused us. I dont really know i think i was angry at my parents. I just didnt really like it.

I know who my parents are yeah. Im scared what ill do to them."

Above I mentioned looking for some inspirational stories or books. Below are some of these items I found myself.

And as also susiedqqq said above, we want you to keep writing back.

_____________________________

 “And you’ll find that you’ll recover from fate’s hardest slam, if you never say die, say damn.”

 Your Present Situation is Not Your Final Destination

by Kevin Ngo 13 Comments

-- Falling down is how we grow. Staying down is how we die.

--Brian Vaszily

-- The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. –Amelia Earhart

--The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. –Chinese Proverb

-- I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions. –Stephen Covey

--You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. –Christopher Columbus

--Ships are safe in the harbor, but that’s not what they’re made for.

-- “We have crossed the Rubicon” --Ancient military leader whose army cannot now turn back once it has crossed this river.

--“I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison

-- “If not this, what? If not us, who? If not now, when?”

~ Kennedy, John F. ~

_________________________________________________

(below from http://www.inspirational-short-stories.com)

In WW1 an English soldier watched in horror how his lifelong friend fell under gunfire. All the soldiers had to retreat.

The soldier went to ask permission from the lieutenant to go and fetch his friend from the no-mans-land.

The lieutenant gave permission, but added: "It is hardly worth it. Your friend is probably dead and you may die too."

The soldier did not care about the warnings and miraculously he did reach his friend, lifted him to his shoulders and stumbled back. He was wounded in the process.

The lieutenant helped them to safety and noticed the soldier´s friend was dead.

"I am sorry for your friend - but I told you it was not worth it. Your friend is dead and now you are also seriously wounded." 1

"I have to disagree with you. It was worth it", the soldier answered.

"What ever do you mean?" the lieutenant wondered.

"It was worth it", the soldier repeated. "When I got to my friend, he was still alive and said ´Jim, I knew you would never leave me.´ "

________________________________________

There is a saying that friendship is one soul dwelling in two bodies. And true friendship indeed is like that. A friends knows your good and weak points, has the courage to point out to you even painful things you need to see, and is willing to share in your joys and sorrows. They brighten up your day by their mere existence.

Friends are like flowers in the garden of life.

Childhood is stuff affecting me but the older I get the worse I get

Reply from
FLAME123
on Aug 23 2015 at 22:08
Member since: 20 August 2015
I could try, thankyou. My foster parents and foster brother. Its ok i just sometimes feel wrong being here. I could go to a different therapist just worried they cant help. They muight, foster parents car and they might take me

Thankyou

Childhood is stuff affecting me but the older I get the worse I get

Reply from
PJVL9
on Aug 24 2015 at 03:56
Member since: 20 July 2015
When you first wrote here you said you had depression, started having quick, high-level anger at 4 or 5, and now at 13, your anger is worse than it was, and because of that, felt you can’t go near people. From that, you say you are isolating and was self-harming.

You said, “I just need some help really. Thankyou for anyone who cares.”

You said, “I try to cut a lot and just don’t eat.”

So, as you know, this is not getting better, it’s getting worse. Where will it be a year or two from now, and 5 and 10 years from now? I think I know, because I’ve been there.

I’ve had 2 people get out of their vehicles, walking over to beat me up, right there at a red light on a four-lane, and this was 20 years before road rage, I invented it, I’ve lost jobs partially to anger, so you can’t top me in that area.

I also had some abuse in childhood, so some of my anger may be from that.

I’ve also had 3 nervous breakdowns, depression and anxiety attacks for a year or more. Look at what you could be looking forward to it you don’t get help. People could be saying how rough you’ve had it, or how well you’ve been doing despite a difficult beginning.

What stopped all of that? Lithium and an anti-depressant. Lithium lowers my depression and reduces my anger, the same medicine does both. I, too, was wondering if the medicine would change me and the doctor said it would not, and it hasn’t, except it lowers my anger and lifts my depression to the point that I can write this letter.

From that standpoint, I’m glad it has made me a different person, from one who can’t function to one who can.

Does “physical” medicine change people? Yeah, it changes them from people who are sick, to people who aren’t sick.

There are child psychiatrists. There are also adolescent psychiatrists. When you went to therapy, did you see one of those?

You’re old enough that you’re going to have to start thinking through some of this stuff and start making some good decisions. You got the right start, reaching out for help, it’s that now you’ve put the brakes on and declare that the therapy didn’t help, and you won’t take medicine for your anger or depression,and you can’t forget the past.

Because it might change you. Heck, yeah, we hope it does, just like it changed me. We hope it changes you to where you might write and say, “I’m not depressed, I’m not as angry, I don’t dwell on the past, I’m not harming myself.”

Otherwise, you wrote here saying you needed help, then suggestions for help were offered, and you didn’t take the suggestions. Help!

Now, we’ve offered suggestions, I don’t like you going out into the wilderness in all of this pain. Is there a child psychiatrist near you, male or female, as you choose?

The talk therapy is not going to work on its own. I could get talk therapy all day and I’d still be depressed and angry. You need an anti-depressant, and something to lower the anger, just as I needed that.

Can you ask one of your foster parents about this? Can you see if they’ll arrange for you to see if you can visit a child psychiatrist? Are your foster parents helpful in that way? Would they be willing to help you?

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