Where do i start? im 26 years old, i live in a small town that everybody somehow finds out everything and anything about me even if i keep it private. i am a solo mum of 3 beautiful children, 2 of my children are in the day to day care of my ex partners mother, i have day to day care of my youngest. my mum passed away when i was 16, she passed away to cancer, she also suffered from mental illness, i have a younger sister who also suffers from mental illness, throughout my childhood mum was in and about of hospital a lot me and my sister got shipped from family member to family member a lot while mum wasn't well, my sister is also in and out of hospital a lot as well. i suffer from depression and anxiety issues i am not taking any medication for these issues, i tried to in the past but it wasn't for me, i see a counselor every fortnight to talk about my past issues and new issues that pop up. i meet me dad when i was 13, i tried making contact when i was 8, his wife told me if i was to make contact again she would get the police involved, my dads wife and 2 boys separated from my dad when they found out he was having contact with me and wasn't going to stop having contact. i have 6 half brothers all up and none of them want nothing to do with me. i don't have a lot of family support they are either dead or alcoholics or want nothing to do with me. Me and my sister were placed into child youth and families care i was 13 and my sister was 11, we were separated due to a few issues. when i was 21 i asked to have my child youth and family records, when i got them i was so shocked at what i was reading i never had any clue of some of the things that had happened to me, i have been sexually abused more times i have fingers and toes, i was also taking advantage of my my partner of 9 years best friend, i did not go to the police because i was worried about my safety. i was with my high school sweetheart for 9 years he is the father to my 3 children, he was very abusive towards me a lot of the time, wasn't supportive we had a very unstable relationship we separated early this year for good there is no possible way i will be going back to that. i had a friend that i had known for 8 months and in April we decided to play around at first, we both went through something and we supported each other in anyway we could we realized that we both had feelings for each other and decided to give a relationship a go, it had to be kept quiet for a reason, but there were a certain few people that knew what the go was, people thought it would be a good idea to go to his ex girlfriend and stir the pot saying that i was sleeping with him while they were still together, it was a lie. they ended there relationship in march i tried to get them back together but his ex wasn't haven't a bar of it, me and her were good close friends until i seen the real side of her and an unfortunate thing happened to her and her family. my ex of 9 years is now with my partners ex, people say we should be on a show called girlfriend swap!!! i have decided that i feel i need more time with my 2 children who are in there nana's care so am going through the court at the moment, it has been dragging on for sometime now and i feel for my children as they have been brought into all the adult stuff, the two older children are confused and messed up they have been through a lot, i will put my hands up and admit i wasn't perfect in the past but i don't talk bad about the other adults involved but i have failed my children, this has been going on 4 years, i have social worker and agencies helping me on stuff i need to improve for them and myself, i used to smoke pot everyday, but i am now clean and have been for sometime now i see a counselor every week and get tests done too, my drug is smoking tobacco. my partner that i am with at the moment witnessed something the other day between me and my ex of 9 years and he sat in the car he didn't say or do anything, my poor youngest witnessed it as well, police were called to uplift my youngest due to the fact my ex broke the agreement we had put in place, i don't believe this would be the first time it has happened but i don't have a car to use all day every day to do a drive by. my partner has said to me that he doesn't want to get involved with the police or the court stuff... i was not too happy about this and i told him to go away for a few days and do some serious thinking and to get his priorities straight, i can't be with someone who does not want to be involved, the way i see it he is either in for the long run or not in at all.
i don't have a of people in this town i would call friends so i am not able to vent when i need to, i found out last night that some of what i thought were my friends were hanging out with my partner who i told to go away and do some thinking, they were texting my friend and her dad about me, it wasn't nice stuff and it really hurt me i don't know what he has said but what i read tore my heart to pieces.
My head wont stop ticking over and there is all ways a issue about something or someone, i would love a break but i can't afford to go anywhere at the moment, i do know that somewhere down this dark tunnel i am travelling i will see the light just have to wait and see where and when it appears i guess.
Oh my dear girl. What a hard life you have had to live. I want you to stay strong. You are not alone.
Thank you somesunnyday, your comment was nice was good to get some positive feed back I was afraid of sharing my world but after reading it again I felt a little better, I know I've still got a long road ahead of me and I will do what I need to, to get there for myself for my children, I know I need some support and positive things in my life and because I am not able to get it where I am, I amm hoping that maybe someone has been through something like me and has come out the other side, I need to make new friends and have people I can relate to and vent to when I need someone, I hate feeling alone, over thinking things is dangerous and hope this group and maybe yourself I don't mind maybe able to help me in a way maybe
sazza that some hard situation.what i can advice to you is stay strong. everytime life knocks u down thnk of ur kids and get back up. push. staying strong is the only option u have and never lose hope for u beautiful kids to raise. if nobody is there to help u chin up tell urself ur a strong woman and u can surpass it all.