PeoplesProblems Logo

Marriage in collapse

Default profile image
Relationship advice My wife isn't in love with me anymore. We attended Community College together, then she worked to support me in Undergrad. Now I am in Medical school and she suddenly just became distant. I asked if she was cheating, she said she wasn't. She feels like I am leaving her behind and there is a division between us b/c I am learning a lot. She doesn't understand anything when I talk to others about things anymore. Her son is in an advanced Biological program in HS, and she feels the same with him. She stated that she just feels like she isn't doing anything for herself in life. She admitted that she still loves me, but isn't in love with me anymore. She miserable to be around anymore. She doesn't want to do anything with me, not even talk, but she gets upset if I don't tell her where I'm going and what I'm doing. We don't have sex, kiss, or even touch anymore. I don't know what to do. I feel like our marriage is OVER, but that she isn't leaving b/c she can't afford to leave. I love her, but I don't want to stay together if this is all it is going to be. Also, she is proving to be a huge distraction from school and I am having problems there b/c I can't concentrate on my studies. I don't know what to do. I don't want it to be over, but I don't know how to bring things back. ????

Marriage in collapse

Default profile image
It sounds like your wife is severely depressed. Seems like she has lost her way in life and is trying to find purpose and meaning to her existence. She feels worthless and hopeless about her future. She said shes not in love with you anymore, but is that surprising? It sounds like she doesn't enjoy or love anything anymore. Women tend to be disinterested in sexual and intimate relations when they feel undesirable. By the sounds of things she is reaching out to you for help.

I believe there is still hope for your marriage, but it will require patience and understanding. You need to help her find her way back onto a path in life. There is something missing from her life, that she is yearning for and you doing something you are obviously passionate about is a reminder of her failures. She needs to find her passion and zest for life again. Depression is a hard thing to escape alone, having someone holding your hand makes finding the light easier. A little bit of reassurance and guidance is all that's needed. She's feeling left behind while everyone else goes onto pursue their dreams, she just needs a small reminder of why she is special to ease her insecurities.

I don't think you should give up on her, especially if like you claim you don't want it to be over. It's great that your driven and that your education seems to be taking off. However, try and find a bit more time to spend with her. Surprise her and romance her. Sounds like she keeps tabs on you all the time because she is just feeling lonely. Maybe even a bit of separation anxiety. I think you should begin just by talking to her more. Good Luck!

Marriage in collapse

Default profile image
Buy her a dress. Surprises are nice. Take her on a romantic trip. Perhaps you might get a make over for yourself and become more attractive to her...work on yourself. If she still backs off then let her go. She could come back to you. As the saying goes...if you love something set it free bla bla bla good luck

Marriage in collapse

Default profile image
Iheartpsycosis had some good advise. Sounds like she is depressed. I want my husband to care about what's wrong with me. I feel similar. He just doesn't want to know yet. I'm patiently waiting.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-1