He won't stick up for me
I was bad and I had to come clean. I looked in my husbands phone and it was not because I thought he was cheating it was to confirm he was being neutral. He refuses to stick up for me under any circumstances. If there's ever an issue with another person he claims that I alone must figure it out and that he will remain neutral. He does not understand why after considerable amount of time I can't just let an issue go no matter how serious it was and just become friends again with other people. The incident in question involves someone who was supposedly in recovery turned out to still be using in our home we have a child under the age of one. When the situation came to ahead he refused to even sit in the room with us while I discussed the problems with her. The person in question boyfriend blamed me for many issues ,they lied directly to my face blamed me for all the problems the addict was having and they left. My husband will say to me that he agrees that I was stabbed in the back was lied to manipulated. We will also say to me that all the statements I made Rich rule that I was very strong and standing my ground at no point disagreed with anything that I said to either one of the people during this argument.but at no time will confront the people that did it. I'm alone in this battle which is turned it into a massive he said she said and my reputation has been permanently damaged because my husband refuses to publicly make any statements about the issue. I feel terribly hurt and abandoned it is made it so that I have a hard time being intimate with my husband because I don't think he values me. I have said all these things to him and he still doesn't seem to understand. What's worse is I feel horrible about breaking trust and going into his phone and violating his personal space. Seeing the things that he said to the sister of the person who I have the problem with only confirmed all the things that I thought. I feel less like a crazy person but even more wounded. I feel like I was used so my husband could have a child and now that I've served my purpose I am easily disposed of or I'm just like every other friend that he has in his life. At no point The relationship he has with me or our marriage more important than any other relationship he has. I have no idea what to do at this point.
How much was your husband involved in this situation at the BEGINING? Did you two talk about consequences, if this person did not keep to your household rules? Was there agreement as to what EACH of you would do if the situation became problematic?
Or - was this your "project" and now that it has blown up, he is stepping back and telling you that you must handle it?
Having this person move in was a choice we made together. We were both told that this person had been clean for a year ( that was not true) and we had all sat down before they moved in to talk about the rules , conciquences and expectations. This person was part of my husband chosen family and he was very worried about this person. When thing erupted you he did not engage at all in the conversation.
I've tried to explain to him that by his choice to not engage and stay neutral my reputation has been damaged. I refused to discuss what happened between us and the person living with us in public. I feel that saying anything to outside observers would only validate what the person who we asked to leave is saying. It is been made to look that like I am a control freak that I had unrealistic spectator shins and then I was purposely attempting to sabotage the relationship. There is also some talk that I ruined my husband and I am attempting to keep him away from his friends. My husband has never been restrained he comes and goes as he pleases and I would never think you would cheat on me for being controlling seems unrealistic in my mind. The sister of the person who is living with us was my husband's best friend when we started dating and especially after we got married she went off the deep end. My husband was the party guy with always having a new girl until we met dated and got married. She did not come to our wedding and has only spent about an hour with our child total. I've met some hostility because I took away a lot of people's crazy time . Having this on top has made things even worse. I am very self-conscious and have social anxiety so I do my best to please the people around me to avoid being uncomfortable. I work in a nonprofit job that supports The psychological well-being of underprivileged and abused children in my area, and I am definitely not a party girl
If you feel that you made the right decision, then stand with it. Why do you need your husband's approval or backing? He has shown you what he will do: nothing. Do not look for him for support.
So, be calm and act assured that you did what had to be done - in spite of him being a coward.
The main thing is the safety of your child and you in the home. Make that happen. Keep calm and confident. You do not need his approval or permission or well-wishes to do that.
You now know what your husband's character is. Later, you can make a decision about how to best take care of yourself and what will happen later with this relationship.
For right now, just try to calm down and rest assured that your decision to protect your child and your home is right.
You did the right thing How is protecting your family ruining your husband. Being a wife.mother "trumps "party girl" any day. How is getting this drug addict out of your home ruining your husband?
Agree with SUSIEQ- You don't need your husband's backing/support/approval. He wants to maintain this friendship. He is a coward!! Believe in yourself,stop pleasing people to gain their acceptance. Get some backbone- stay true to yourself the hell what these "party people