Where do I start?
I'm at my wits end. Where do I start? Well, my stepdad molested me when I was young. I was burned in a house fire at the age of 9. Teased for it at school. Im on disability. Then my mom died 2 years ago of an overdose. A few months later my gf of 9 years left me and turns out she cheated on me with a few of my "friends". I got passed all these things, but I also think im an alcoholic. Which does not help keep me from doing dumb shit. I got in a fist fight with my brother a few weeks ago and now he wont talk to me. My apartment is roach infested and the manager doesn't care. I met the most amazing woman last year and i screwed it up. Then we were just friends, then with benefits. Then I messed it up again now. I drunk texted her a bunch of randomness lastnight and today she says we need to put an end to it. Im shaking, not going to class tonight. IDK what to do. It's not just the break up it's everything! Im fighting not to cry Im 30 years old and Im just...nothing. I don't even feel like my friends are people I can talk to...She was who I talked to...I'm lost. Sorry if this all sounds confusing Im shaking. I dont know what to do I feel like I could drop off the face of the Earth and it wouldn't matter.
As I was sitting here waiting for a reply she just texted me we are still friends, the benefits stopping is what she meant which sucks but she means a lot to me. Thank god for small favors!
Hello: Your life has had a lot of speed bumps and its not fair. The main thing you need to focus on is your drinking. You won't be able to solve anything for an extended period of time as long as you continue to drink. Its only a matter of time before you say something else that you'd regret and wished you could take back.
I'm also an alcoholic and I've been able to remain sober since June 1992. I got into trouble when I was younger and got into a fist fight. I was drunk the other guy got hurt and I went to jail. The following Monday I was brought to court and the Judge saved my ass. He gave me a choice of 90 days in the house of correction or 90 days at an in patient treatment program at the Veterans Administration. "Project Rise". So it was off to Project Rise for me.
Project Rise introduced me to Alcoholics Anonymous. I've been a member of AA since 92 and have a lot of great friends in the program. People in AA don't look down at new comers. New Comers keeps the memory alive of how it was when we walked through those doors.
You'll have to do your part and be active in the group. Introduce yourself and get to know others. Volunteer to make coffee or sweep up, anything. AA can save your life it you let it.
My point is I was very lucky. How often does a Judge give someone a choice of where they'd like to go??
Don't give someone else the ability to choose for you. I wish you good health.
(Impressive advice, Spent! :-))
I thought I was the only one who has been having it rough. Eight or ten years ago, a neighbor spread some false information, because he and I were having a difficult time, and told some new neighbors, who didn’t know any better, so I’ve been dealing with that for a long time.
One of the things that has helped me is that I read a column some 15 years ago about being positive when trying to solve a problem, which I’ll try to send along to you.
I didn’t know it, but unconsciously, I was negative. I was hoping I would lose, for I had learned as a child to be negative. The column changed my thinking, and now, when I’m faced with a problem, I tell myself, “Think positive,” over and over, trying to drive out any negative from my unconscious, which had been tripping me up, and wanting me to not solve the problem.
You might see if that column can help you.
In addition to the column, I now tell myself when I have a problem, “One problem at a time, and be positive about that problem.”
In other words, I don’t look at all of my problems, I don’t look at my entire life, I think about the one problem that I want to try to solve right then. And then I say, “Think positive, think positive, think positive,” trying to clear out the negative from my unconscious (which I can’t see) that might be trying to trip me up from solving the problem.
Then I try to solve the problem, and will accept any good ideas that come to my mind, rather than unconsciously rejecting possibly good ideas so that I will lose. I allow myself to think anything that I want in this initial phase of trying to solve the problem.
In a way, that phase is easy. I put no restrictions on myself about how to think about how to solve the problem. And then from all the ideas I come up with, I pick the best ones. That phase of the problem is not difficult either; I just pick the best ideas that I've already thought of. Pretty easy.
Then I pick the best one. That's not difficult either. I've already thought of it. Putting the idea into action is not difficult either. I just do the steps that it takes, that I've already thought of.
The only difficult part is being positive prior to even thinking about the problem. I've solved many problems, after it was too late and the problem was already over. Showing the problem was easy to solve; it was my negative rejecting of my good ideas that was difficult.
So, work on eliminating any negative that might be in your unconscious by saying, "Think positive," prior to going into the problem, so it will be harder for your unconscious to reject any good ideas you have.
It’s a battle between not you and the problem, but between you and your unconscious. The problem is often not that difficult.
Clearing your negative unconscious can be more difficult than the problem. And that’s not hard, either, once you’ve read the column on being positive.
With the roaches, maybe you can buy some items from the grocery store and perhaps later from the hardware store, that will combat that. Maybe look on the net for some inexpensive ways to fight that problem. Put all of that data together, and see what kind of plan you can come up with.
The alcohol problem, as the guy said, AA. The situation with your stepdad, was very rough. I would just try to be as positive as I could. Can you get some good counseling? Maybe you could use an anti-depressant. I have one that I take right now.
I'm manic-depressive, and I can tell you, fighting that without medicine (lithium) and counseling is very difficult. If you think 3 nervous breakdowns and panic attacks off and on for several years is easy, you don't really want to know.
So you might want to get to a psychiatrist to see what he or she thinks about all of that.
What are these classes you are taking? That was terrible about your mom. It sounds like she had a rough life, also.
You say, “It's not just the break up it's everything! Im fighting not to cry Im 30 years old and Im just...nothing.”
You add, “I don't even feel like my friends are people I can talk to...She was who I talked to...I'm lost.
“Sorry if this all sounds confusing Im shaking. I dont know what to do I feel like I could drop off the face of the Earth and it wouldn't matter.”
That is pretty rough. You’ve had a very rough beginning, and I’m glad you reached out for help. You deserve a good cry, and then we’re gonna kick some of these problem’s ass. OK?
Here's the problem on being positive that has helped me.
by Niki Scott
June 21, 1994
“We all know people who race around in small, futile circles whenever they’re present with a problem to solve, and others who seem to be natural-born problem solvers—able to tackle obstacles, calmly, logically and effectively.
“Fortunately, being a good problem-solver is not a genetic trait. It’s a learned skill, one that can be learned at any age. If you want to improve your problem-solving skills, here are 10 steps that will help:
"The three most important things of a good problem solver are attitude, attitude, and
attitude. If you think of obstacles as anxiety-producers and unfair burdens, you almost certainly aren't an effective problem solver."
“If you view obstacles as opportunities to gather new information, stretch your imagination, learn new coping mechanisms and achieve more control over your life on the other hand, you’re probably a problem-solving whiz.”
“Be an optimist. If your general outlook is pessimistic, you’re probably not a good problem solver. Facing every puzzle with the assumption that it’s probably unsolvable practically insures that it will be.”
“Happily, changing from a pessimist to an optimistic frame of mind isn’t as difficult was it might sound. Pessimism isn’t a genetic trait, either. It’s a habit of thought we learned as children—and can unlearn as adults.”
“Keep an open mind. Most problems have not just one solution, but many—and sometimes the best ones sound far-fetched or even bizarre at first.”
“Be flexible. Force yourself to give up old, outmoded ways of thinking or acting even though they’re comfortable. Experiment with new ways of thinking and acting, and you’ll be surprised by how quickly THEY become comfortable.”
“Believe in yourself—no matter what. If you believe you’ll be able to solve a problem, your chances of solving it double. Review your past successes—frequently!”
“Take one step at a time. We all want guarantees that our imagination, diligence and hard work will pay off, but good problem-solvers are able to concentrate on the job at hand and move toward their personal and professional goals without blueprints or guarantees of success.”
“Ask for the help you need. There’s no shame in needing help—only in being too self-conscious, too self-protective, too proud or stubborn to ask for it.
“Don’t ask for help you don’t need. Those of us who were taught as children to run to an adult whenever a problem arose, or encouraged in other ways to be helpless and dependent, may find ourselves automatically seeking help now when a problem arises—whether or not we really need it.
“Resist the temptation. Asking for assistance before we’ve honestly tried to solve a problem robs us of our dignity, self-respect and self-confidence—too high a price to pay. “
“Respect the process—not just it’s outcome. Never discount a learning experience just because you didn’t get an A+ on the test.”
“Regardless of whether you’ve been completely successful at solving any problem, working on it almost certainly has gained you valuable experience and insight—good tools to bring with you the next time you have problem to solve!”
“Finally, never hold the past over you own head. Learn what you can from your mistakes, give yourself credit for trying, then wipe the slate clean, quickly, and give yourself the same sympathy, understanding and encouragement that you’d gladly give to any friend.”
June 21, 1994